(Closed) MIL/ FIL's 50th Wedding Anniversary…Would you fly across the country?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Would you fly across the country on a holiday weekend ($$$) to celebrate your in-laws 50th?

    Yes, def

    No, just send a nice gift

    Play it by ear but not commit

  • Post # 32
    Member
    47383 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If you can’t postpone your trip, why not plan to celebrate their 50th when you are there (your upcoming trip which is already booked). There is no law that they have to celebrate their anniversary on the exact date.

    We (the children) hosted a 50th anniversary party for my parents about 3 months early because:

    -it was the only time all the siblings and their families could attend

    – my Dad had been diagnosed with several types of cancer and we wanted to celebrate while he was still well enough to enjoy the party.

    You can host an open house at their home with light refreshments with minimal planning and expense. You could also have a close family only dinner out.

    Post # 33
    Member
    9126 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    I think you could host a potluck party at their house….make or buy some entrees and buy a fair bit of booze, and ask guests to bring apps or sides or desserts or booze. Unless your in-laws and their friends are super classy and/or (for lack of a better word) snobby, I think that’d be a super fun party that your in-laws would appreciate without it being too too pricey. 

    Yeah it’s annoying to have to throw a party for people at their behest, but it’s a big occasion and I’m sure they’ll be appreciative. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    3900 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    View original reply
    vintagekitten:  If we could afford to, sure!

    Post # 37
    Member
    3164 posts
    Sugar bee

    Yes I would fly back and yes I would help with the party. If it was me in my present circumstances I would probably host a BBQ or put luck somehwere cheap (home, community hall etc) and enlist family to chip in for the cost of beer, wine, soft drink, nibbles, and decorations. You say other family members have financial constraints but nothing can be so bad they can’t chip in in some small way…. I grew up extremely poor and my family managed. 

    anyway, the party can be whatever – if you’re hosting, you get to choose! It can be that you organise a space at a bar or restaurant and everyone pays for themselves except for 1 drink for a toast, and you pay for a cake. I think it’s the hosting that is the gift to them, not what is costs you

    Good luck with getting them to compromise on an earlier date! 

    Post # 38
    Member
    47383 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    vintagekitten:  Just tell them that this is what you can manage. If you are hosting a party for them, they should gratefully accept what is offered.

    They can celebrate on the actual day with whomever they are close to, where they live.

    Post # 39
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    We had a 50th for my parents and just held an open house at the church with a fancy cake, punch, nuts, mints, etc.  We sent out invitations and put it in the local paper.  They had a receiving line and people sat and talked.  We got mom a corsage and dad a boutonierre.  We put out some of their wedding pictures and had a video running on the big screen with pictures cycling through of them through the years and with their grandchildren.  Mom and Dad loved it and it wasn’t too overwhelming.  I have 5 siblings so the cost to us was minimal but even if it was just me and DH paying, I don’t think it would be outrageous.

    Post # 40
    Member
    2010 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Also, further to my prior post, I just wanted to add my two cents about 50th anniversaries being a big deal. Yes, it’s a huge deal and I really admire those who get to that milestone however being married 50 years does not automatically mean it’s an amazing marriage that needs to be celebrated. Fiance has a couple on his side that have been married for 62 years but have a horrible marriage. Both have been miserable for the majority of that time but openly admit just never broke up because it’s convenient to stay together and divorce is frowned upon in their culture. This is no reflection on OP’s in-laws at all wom I’m sure have a great marriage. This is just a comment for those who automatically think a 50th anniversary should be celebrated. Sometimes the only thing to celebrate is that they’ve had the patience and managed to get through so many years without one killing the other. In that case, I’d give them a medal or trophy…not throw them a party.

    Post # 41
    Member
    2171 posts
    Buzzing bee

    No I wouldn’t fly across country two times in a few months. I would make the one trip count as celebration of the 50th, whenever the dates happened. Meaning if my trip was not on those dates, I would take them out to dinner one night to celebratee their upcoming/ just passed anniversary. I have never been a stickler for celebrating things on that date. Its the thought that counts. 

    As for hosting a party and paying for it, I would definitely be asking relatives to help out with that. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    65 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

     

    View original reply
    vintagekitten:  50 is a huge anniversary! Especially if they have a great marriage, I would absolutely fly out for a party for their 50th anniversary. If the cost of flying was an issue, I would see what I could do to transfer tickets and talk to Mother-In-Law about party plans over the phone.

    Post # 45
    Member
    47383 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    vintagekitten:  Your DH should not wait for SIL to “realize she should chip in”. Chances are that is not going to happen. The cost of the dinner, including wine, should be split by the siblings. he needs to make this clear with his siter during the planning stage.

    It’s too bad that DH would not be more fleixible,unless you two are floating in money,

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