(Closed) MIL gave new husband a card addressed to him only for our wedding

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
2946 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I went into this thinking maybe there might be some over reaction, as my Mother-In-Law wrote my Darling Husband a nice personal card for the wedding, and then got something for us at the same time.  It was kind of a personal moment with them. 

But that she doesn’t acknowledge you at all, that has to stop.  Your Darling Husband will probably always get a little something extra from his mom than you do, and I would expect it in any family.  But that disparity is down right rude.  My parents might get me $75 worth of Christmas gifts, but they will get Darling Husband $50 worth of gifts, or get something that is very useful for both of us. 

As far as your child, if it isn’t your spouse’s child, you will probably have to let that go.  Your child is your family, but Mother-In-Law might not see them as her family.  I would only raise something about it if you are at an event where other family children are getting a gift from Mother-In-Law, and nothing is given to your child. 

Your Darling Husband should talk to his mom about this behavior towards you.  I don’t think spouse’s parents have to treat the spouse equally, but they need to acknowledge them as part of the family. 

Post # 3
2569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

marlaxr:  I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.  You’re perfectly justified in being frustrated about every element of your post except your post-wedding lunch.  If I attended a wedding ceremony followed by a meal I’d assume that meal was paid for by the bride and groom.  I don’t have any advice other than maybe stop spoiling her.  Also if you’re looking for slights I guarantee you’ll find them, people aren’t always as considerate as they ought to be, so try not to analyze her behavior toward you, it’lll just make you angry.  And remember this feeling when your little boy brings home his fiance, she’ll be lucky to have a Mother-In-Law who knows better 🙂  Good luck!!

Post # 4
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

did you ask your husband why he didn’t tell you about the card?

Post # 5
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Spider Mum:  1+


In most cases like this, the husband isn’t stepping up to the aide of his wife. He should let her know that this behavior is not acceptable and that it hurts your feelings… that is IF you’ve expressed this to him. 

Post # 6
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Spider Mum:  +1

Agree…something strange going on here that the husband did not mention the card.  The way this post was written makes it sound like we have a serious momma’s boy situation here that both of them are playing into.

OP, the post-wedding celebration is yours to host, not your guests, unless there was a special circumstance that was understood in advance of the event, such as in-laws stating “hey – let’s go out to celebrate!  Lunch is on us!”  It also sounds from your post that you made them pay for their own lunch that day.  So, it was actually you who did not approach the situation appropriately that day.


Post # 7
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

This woman is being a bitch in a very obvious way. You have every right to be offended.  And it sounds like your husband is defending her. Well, you’ve got a momma’s boy on your hands. Nothing much you can do about it if he refuses to see how rude she’s being.

I’d try to talk to him about it again when you’re not angry. Hopefully he will see reason eventually!

Post # 9
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

marlaxr:  Definitely sounds like manipulative behaviour on her behalf and your husband isn’t helping, agree with PP’s that it sounds like you’re dealing with a mummas boy situation. 

To some degree you may have to learn to live with it, but be clear to your husband that you think she’s bring inappropriate and make sure he’s supporting you and understands how you’re feeling.

If I were you id be tempted to bring it up with her in a diplomatic but clear manner. You don’t have to be best friends but she needs to respect your role as her sons other half. Nip it in the bud sooner rather than later before it snowballs.

Post # 10
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Stop spoiling her and don’t expect anything from her. Your expectations are raised when you treat her to things then expect things in return.

Post # 11
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You have a few things going on.  She’s upset and being jerky and you’re expecting too much.

She needs to realize you two are a unit now.  This can be very hard for moms.  My mom cried for 2 days when she saw my brother wearing his wedding ring even though she loves my SIL as much as she loves me (more I think sometimes, they get along better).  This is something she needs to get over with her own help and it dosn’t need to be your or your hub’s issue.

As far as gifts.  Unless she wrote “you should only spend this on yourself” then its a gift to your husband for your family, I don’t know about you, but $200 is a nice gift.  In that case token gift to you is nice move.  You have a tween that she dosn’t know.  Some people find that age intimidating…and she may have found it easier just to do nothing.  It’s not socially the best thing to do, but it may be what she is capable of.  If your hubs wants to go out on a limb and “become dad” he needs to sit down with his mother and let her know his feelings   His mom shouldn’t need to come up with them on her own.

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