Post # 1
Hi everyone, I’m a long time lurker and I know I can get good advice here so I’m hoping you all can help. So here’s the situation:
FI and I made our guest list a while back and we asked for input from my MIL and FIL. FIL suggests a few names and they go on the list; MIL says we don’t have to worry about her family because she has nothing to do with them. We ask her if she’s sure and she says she’s positive. FI and I ask her about this issue a few more times and get the same answer. So it comes time to send invitations and we ask her again if she’s absolutely 100% positive she has no one to add and she says yes again. We sent out our invitations and are starting to get back RSVPs. We’re 9 weeks away from the RSVP deadline and today FIL informs FI and myself that MIL wants to add her brother and his wife to the guest list because she has nobody. If we do add them they will literally know 4 people there, plus I haven’t the slightest idea of where to seat them.
Should I cave for MIL (even though she herself hasn’t asked about this) or just tell her no? What would you all do?
Post # 2
Your MIL is wrong and is being very annoying. However, its only 2 people, so I probably would.
My MIL invited an extra 20, I’ll take 2 any day haha.
Post # 3
I would add them. It’s only two people and the deadline is in 9 weeks.
If they will be uncomfortable only knowing 4 people there, they can decline.
I think it’s much better to keep the peace and add two more people than to upset your mother in law. Something could have changed after the last time you asked her.
Post # 4
Very annoying that she waited until the last minute to tell you, but since it is only two people, I would let her. We have a few tables which are a blend of couples that don’t know each other but hoping that they can talk amongst themselves and mingle as you normally would at a wedding. Sit them where you have room and don’t worry about being overly accommodating since this is last minute.
Post # 5
You are 9 weeks away and it’s only two people. This is not a big deal.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
From your post I can’t tell if your FMIL actually wants this since she hasn’t directly asked to invite extras. Last minute invites are annoying but first I would confirm with her. Is it at all possible her husband thinks he’s helping by wanting her to be more comfortable with people she’s familiar with? idk I’m not convinced she’d tell you no multiple times, repeatedly state she doesn’t need extra guests and then change her tune last minute. Maybe contact her requesting the guests information and see how that goes.
Post # 7
My first thought was that she realized later that she would have no one and decided to invite them. But PP is right about needing to find out if that’s what the FMIL really wants or if the FFIL is making that assumption.
Post # 8
I would add the two, but make it CLEAR that there isn’t room for any more people. She had her chance.
Post # 9
Update: this morning FI informed me that one of these would be guests has dimentia where she will forget who she is and where she is. With this new information I will simply ask FMIL if she thinks it would be wise to include these guests because of one’s condition. I just don’t think it would be appropriate to subject someone of this condition to a large event in an unfamiliar location with unfamiliar people.
Post # 10
Ehhh, it’s only an extra two, I’d invite them. They may even decline the invite.
Post # 11
Don’t ask the MIL if its appropriate to invite them, the guests can determine for themselves if they can handle the event.
Post # 12
wonderwedding : I have to disagree. People with dementia aren’t very good at making decisions, let alone even aware they have dementia.
Post # 13
“I just don’t think it would be appropriate to subject someone of this condition to a large event in an unfamiliar location with unfamiliar people.”
I feel like this should be up to MIL’s brother, not you or your FI.
Yeah, it’s a little annoying that you asked multiple times and now she changed her mind but take a step back and look at how this will actually affect your wedding. Nine weeks is plenty of time for them to RSVP and it’s only two more people. Just seat them with your MIL or the four people you said they would know, surely you don’t have a seating plan finalized if you’re still so far out.
Post # 14
coffeebean1963 : true but I would think the guest’s husband would be able to make that decision.
Post # 15
futuremrs1006 : I’d normally say yes, but then I’d get worried that “two” she’s requesting will become more….that would be my only worry about her adding late additions.