Post # 1
So, Fiance and I were at his parents house on the weekend, and were having some wedding chats. They have been super supportive about all decisions we have made, and are really excited for the wedding. Fiance and I were saying that in my family it is customary to add the registries into the wedding invitation, but that we were trying to come up with a little poem to say that people don’t have to give us gifts, but can if they want. After talking about it all, including our honeymoon registry (which is where we want most of our gifts) Future Mother-In-Law said that she still doesn’t like the idea of registries, and thinks that we need to register for gifts for the shower that can be physically opened (instead of honeymoon registry)… here’s the issue…
Im only having 1 shower, with all family from both sides, and friends. 60 people have been invited. Fiance and I cannot possibly come up with enough physical registry items, and have tried! My family (and even FI’s counsins) are super excited about the honeymoon registry, and have said they are excited to buy things off it… but now Future Mother-In-Law is saying she refuses to send out honeymoon registry information with the invites… HELP! My mom, step mom and Future Mother-In-Law are hosting the shower together… and my mom and step mom LOVE the hoenymoon registry… what’s a girl to do???
Post # 3
I too have been dealing with the issue of having so much… STUFF. We live in a tiny apartment and don’t really want all those things lying around until we move into a house. Also, I don’t know what this house is going to be like or how my tastes will have evolved by the time we get to that. A lot of people say that a honeymoon registry is “tacky” or “rude” but shouldn’t being considerate of the bride and grooms needs be a priority too? We are already shoving a bunch of tradition, so what is wrong with being more specific about what would help your future family out most?
Post # 4
You could have a wedding website that lists all your registries.
In your invite you could say something about-registry information can be found at http://www.xxx.com
That way she isn’t directly speaking to that registry.
Post # 5
Sounds like Mother-In-Law is outvoted and since Mother-In-Law isn’t hosting the shower solo, then in theory you should get your way. I think since you said people already know about it and are excited to use it that it should be fine anyway. Then I guess you can keep the peace by not putting it on the invitation but still get stuff off it from the people who know. Also you could use word of mouth via your mom and stepmom considering they are on your side with it.
Post # 6
Are you talking about including registry info in the shower invites, or in the actual wedding invitations? Because proper etiquette says that it’s ok to include it in the shower invitations since that’s a party which is all about giving gifts, however it is considered rude to include it in the wedding invitations. You absolutely don’t need any sort of poem mentioning gifts in either invitation. For the shower, well the whole point is gifts so if someone doesn’t want to give something they are free to rsvp “no”. For the wedding, gifts are not expected or required. Putting a poem in telling guests this, and then including registry info is rude, patronizing, and (I hate to say it) tacky. Please don’t do this! People already know they can choose to give a gift or not, you don’t have to tell them. Keep your wedding invitations elegant and classy- mentioning gifts in any way is crass. I’m not trying to me mean, that’s just what proper etiquette says. So even if you disagree, keep in mind that this is probably what your Future Mother-In-Law and her friends and family are thinking, and they’re the ones receiving the invitations.
Here’s what I would suggest- put both registry cards in the shower invite. Bulk up your traditional registry as much as possible, because based on what you’ve said it sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law and her friends would be uncomfortable buying off the honeymoon registry. Spread the info by word of mouth that you would really prefer the honeymoon registry, but keep in mind that a lot of guests may not be comfortable with this and you need to offer them an option too. Be gracious about whatever you receive. DON’T include any registry info at all in the wedding invites. People will remember where you were registered from the shower, and you can also put this info on your wedding website and spread the info by word of mouth. Anything else will end up looking like you are way to focused on gifts, even if that isn’t your intention.
Post # 7
Sorry, I’m actually with your Mother-In-Law on this one. If she is uncomfortable essentially asking her friends and family to give you money I think you need to respect her feelings on that. Very few people give cash gifts for a bridal shower.. you go so you can watch the bride open your gift.
Post # 8
Um, well, this is what I’d seriously do- I’d keep the honeymoon registry, and I’d have my friends and family spread the word that it exists. And I’d come up with a registry that she finds ‘suitable’. Maybe you can put on it a bunch of stuff that wouldn’t typically be on a registry but that you’d both enjoy. I’d still explain to her that the registry was really difficult to come up with since you don’t need many things, because she might be even more upset when she sees that you don’t have linens but you have an idoc for your ipod lol. But this way your Future Mother-In-Law can feel that she’s getting her way, when in fact, you’re both getting your way. I think that would be the most realistic way to avoid tension. No one needs their Future Mother-In-Law causing them stress before their wedding!
Post # 9
You could also register for a lot of stuff at a place that has a very flexible return policy, if that’s not too sneaky or shady for you.
I agree that it’s not the best idea to include registry info with the wedding invites, but people are likely to ask around to find out where you’re registered.
Post # 10
People can always get you lovely gifts off registry. While sometimes a painful expierence it can also we much awesomer than the registry stuff.
Post # 11
I guess I always thought one of the main parts of the bridal shower was opening the (physical) gifts that people get. Can you keep the honeymoon registry but add a more “traditional” registry as well?
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
I’m struggling with the concept of a shower where no one sees you open anything. 😛 If you really don’t want actual gifts, I would perhaps skip having a shower?
Also, it may customary in your family, but I would still reconsider making any mention of gifts in your invitations — you’re inviting more than just your family that may have some prior understanding. Everyone knows they can buy gifts for a wedding. If they want to find out if you have a registry, they’ll ask someone. 🙂
Post # 13
Oh I’m sorry I forgot to add that, we did go to Home Outfitters and registered for about 20 things that we could upgrade from what we already have! So there will be some physical gifts… I just struggle because Fiance and I are financially stable, and often just buy what we want/need. I was against having a shower, but my moms, and FI’s mom pushed me to have one… I’m already getting anxious about it, because I always find the gift opening very awkward, so going to open all these presents in front of 60 people is worrisome for me to begin with! But, there are definitely physical items registered for, just not enough for all the guests invited, which is where the honeymoon registry comes into play
Post # 14
I think it’s great that you have a physical registry- that should help make Future Mother-In-Law happy. Are there things that you haven’t thought of? Do you have hobbies, like cooking, or do you love wine? Sometimes you can find things to add to your registry that are more “fun” than “necessities” (without going into the realm of registering for nintendo games). For example, we have a lot of “stuff” already, so we just concentrated on upgrading the things that we had (nicer pans/pots, nicer dishes, nicer towels) and then added on “fun” stuff, like a picnic basket, and a party tub for beverages, and fun platters for entertaining. Also, we added a few cookbooks and fun gadgets for grilling and the like. You might be able to come up with a few more items with that thought in mind.
Post # 15
I think you should do a physical registry no matter what, so people have the option. Otherwise, if you don’t need gifts, I think you should let people know that.