(Closed) MIL Help!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It seems like saying, "I’m sorry, but we can’t afford 270 people" should do it. If she still says, "But we HAVE to invite so-and-so," tell her that she’s welcome to provide the $XX required for that person to come, but that they’re not on your priority guest list. If that doesn’t shut her up, your Fiance needs to have a serious chat with her.

Post # 4
25 posts

I don’t have an advice.. but I just want to say, I can totally sympatize. Big hug to you…

Post # 5
1 posts

Elope I know, the horror of saying that on a wedding planning website.  But, in all honesty, you don’t want to have your wedding day and look back on it thinking about how stressed and overwhelmed everyone was for your wedding.  It sounds like you and your fiance made a decision early on to not over extend what you mother felt "obligated" to do; which is a very thoughful and smart thing to do.  And that has now been overthrown.  So, to you and your fiance, don’t feel obligated to do the traditional thing because it’s causing hardship.  Either make it very clear to her why you are making the decisions you are making and clear to her that’s it’s your wedding day or elope. 

Post # 6
29 posts
  • Wedding: August 2007

oh my goodness…my mil did the same thing.

 i wonder if there is a mil handbook and this is rule number one!?

 i’m really sorry you’re going thru this – but try to keep good terms between you and mil.

Post # 7
378 posts
Helper bee

See, I’m having the exact opposite problem. I can’t get ANY info out of my Future Mother-In-Law. I’ve asked for imput and she just says "I don’t want to be a meddling Mother-In-Law, this is your day" and that’s it. I have no idea if they’re contributing anything financially, if they’re planning on hosting the rehearsal dinner, anything. But I guess I’m lucky – although I do feel as if I’m planning my MOTHER’s wedding. She said to me tonight (and I think she was only semi-joking) "well, we’re paying for the reception and since the honeymoon suite is part of the package, dad and i are just going to take that and you guys can get your own room." Ummm.

Post # 8
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

As tough as this might be to do for you, I would totally remove her from the process. Take out a small loan, in most cases you get gifted money at the wedding and can pay most of it back right away – this way you can plan th ewedding you want. I’d rather have a small monthly payment then a year of whip cracking and having my wedding taken away from me.

It doens’t seem that she understands that just because she’s paying for for part of it, doens;t mean she can plan the whole thing. I think she’s turing into a MIL-zilla – and if you can put her in her place, remove her from the whole thing! 


I’m so sorry you have to go through this! 

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