(Closed) Future Mother In-Law hired photographer without telling me

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This is a very sticky situation. I would ask your FI how he wants to handle it, since it’s his mother.

Post # 4
3729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Get the photographer you want, seriously. When the wedding’s over, the pictures are what you’re left with, and there are way too many upset brides who come here to complain about their photography. Your MIL should have asked you before putting 1k down on a photographer.

Post # 5
2980 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Here is what I would write;

Dear FMIL,

You have been so generous with everything for the wedding so far.  I couldn’t even dream of asking you to pay for the photographer.  Please get your deposit back and let me cover this one. 


I would go with the photographer that you want.  Picutres can’t be recreated. 

Post # 6
4748 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@rosegoldwedding:   Since she made the arrangement without you, I’d suggest sending her an email stating that while you appreciate her help enormously, the choice of photographer is yours to make and you have chosen and hired someone else.  

Photography is very subjective and you have every right to choose a photographer whose style you love.   You don’t want to have years ahead looking at photos you don’t like.   She overstepped her bounds, perhaps out of generosity, but still, she went too far.  


Post # 7
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@rosegoldwedding:  Am I the only one who thinks it’s really crazy and unprofessional for a photographer to sign a contract and accept a deposit for a wedding without communicating with the bride/groom first? 

Post # 9
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@rosegoldwedding:  What about contacting the photographer yourself? Is it possible that your MIL didn’t actually pay the deposit yet? Have you seen the contract to see what the package includes?

Post # 11
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Misswhowedding:  THis, but I would also include that you have already booked and paid a photographer that you love.  If you leave that out she might insist that she covers it to be nice.  But if she knows you already have someone it is more clear that you are serious about paying for your own of your choice.

Post # 14
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@kenziemt:  Agreed! My photographer insisted upon meeting with us, looking at work, and asking questions about our wedding and preferred styles, etc. before even giving us the contract. I think it’s super weird that this other photographer hasn’t talked with you once and is moving forward.

Post # 15
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

You like the photographer you chose better right? And this is your wedding, so you have to be happy with the pictures. I’d just tell FMIL “sorry, I didn’t like that photographer so I went ahead and put a deposit down on one I love”. She can deal with the photographer that she booked. 

Post # 16
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@rosegoldwedding:  When your FMIL finally let you know that she had already put a deposit down, could you tell what her tone was like? Did she sound mortified like “OMG I’m so sorry I didn’t know you had already put down a deposit too!!” or was she more like “Oh you don’t need to find a photographer on your own, I already got this covered”? That may help guide how you approach her…

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