(Closed) MIL is acting like a zilla. Should I go to Christmas dinner?

posted 4 years ago in Family
  • poll: should I go to Christmas dinner with MIL-zilla?
    go! it is his family and you should suck it up for xmas : (33 votes)
    70 %
    don't go. it isn't worth risking fighting about the wedding and ruining xmas. : (14 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1165 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    gatsbyaffair:  These crazy FMIL’s need the psych med if you ask me! My suggestion would be to still attend the dinner and see how things play out. If she starts picking an argument, you can either ignore it or just say that you’d prefer to enjoy the Christmas dinner and can discuss it another time. Or you can tell her you’re on call at work and say you’ve been called in suddenly if it gets really hostile. 

    Sorry you’re losing sleep over this, family-in-law issues are the absolute worst and I feel with you completely! 

    Post # 3
    Member
    320 posts
    Helper bee

    I would go but set ground rules with Fiance to make sure he has your back if she brings out the crazy. if she is nasty like the psych med comment again, I’d make sure your Fiance is willing to step in to say it is completely inappropriate and if she continues to behave this way you will both leave. If she just expresses disappointment about wedding choices, I’d prepare a generic response to shut it down. This is easiest if you are paying for the wedding: “I’m so sorry you feel that way about x, but we are hosting the wedding and it is important to us to have x reflect our relationship and tastes. I could really use your help on y though.” and just repeat everytime she is negative. All of this is best coming from your Fiance. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    48 posts
    Newbee

    You will have to put up with this woman for at least the foreseeable future, your husband needs to back you up and defend you, and up to you to set clear boundaries as to what you will accept. 

    As for wedding talk, just change the subject, or fob her off on Fiance (‘oh, Fiance and I will figure that out later’, or ‘I’ll have to chat to Fiance about that and get back to you’)- if she’s being nasty then she doesn’t get to play in the wedding planning game. Good luck!  

    Post # 5
    Member
    533 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    I would say go but if she continues to act in that manner then no more special occasions at her house. Unless her attitude changes.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4111 posts
    Honey bee

    gatsbyaffair:  I wouldn’t go. I personally don’t get the whole “give someone a free pass to be rude to you just because they’re (insert their title here)” thing. If someone is being rude to me for no reason, there is a 99.9% chance that I’m gonna call them on it. And I probably won’t be nice about it either. To avoid an awkward, tension-filled Christmas dinner, I personally would rather just not go. 

    But that’s just me. If you feel as though you could bite your tongue and let Fiance handle it if (when) your Future Mother-In-Law starts to misbehave, then go ahead. But you need to talk with him first about it, and make sure he understands that you’re putting it in his hands, and that he needs to show his mom that you 2 are a united front. Good luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    3686 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Hell, you’ve already celebrated Christmas with your own family, so why don’t you volunteer to go in to work?

    Post # 8
    Member
    5155 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I would probably go and if she is rude, Id have you and Fiance walk out do the door immediately. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2595 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I’d probably go but I wouldn’t put up with any nonsense. Fiance needs to be backing you up from the off. Good luck with her! You need a firm hand with her.

    Post # 10
    Member
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    yeah, I recently learned my Mother-In-Law has some issues with me but didn’t bother to tell me face to face. This pissed me off that I couldn’t sleep either. But I sucked it up and went to the dinner but has discussed with my Darling Husband that I’m not going to let that ruined my Christmas. Had she brought it up, we would’ve left. She didn’t but we still left earlier than normal. Try your best but don’t take any crap from her!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1890 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would go, because I wouldn’t want her to think she could isolate me from the rest of the family by picking fights, but keep it brief and make sure your Fiance has your back if any of this comes up. She sounds like a real peach.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1401 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    gatsbyaffair:  im on the way to my MILs now, and I’m already dreading it. But to answer your question, I think it’s totally fine to say “I’m sorry. Fiance and I have chosen XYZ, as we are paying.” 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2595 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    gatsbyaffair:  It’s not much of a ‘wedding brunch’ if the bride and groom aren’t there.

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