(Closed) MIL is an intrusive nightmare

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

The major problem that needs therapy is that he goes back and forth about who the central woman in his life is.

Google DWIL. You’re going to need their invaluable help until he finally decides which if you is his main squeeze.

Post # 48
Member
8368 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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bride102018 : 

  • She’s being ridiculous about the dance — hold your ground on this. Why in the world would a grandma need to prover her unity with her own grandkids? 
  • You’re being ridiculous about the dress — give her this one. If she wears something inappropriate, she’s the only one who looks like a fool. 
Post # 49
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

Point out to your Fiance that having a dance between his mother and his children and his mother denying anyone else related to the girls the same opportunity is the exact OPPOSITE of “family unity.”

Post # 50
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Don’t back down on this one, and explain to your fiance all the points that you’ve elaborated here. If he can’t understand that allowing this is just going to allow her to walk over more and more boundaries, then you guys need to have a really serious talk. But honestly…I am cracking up imagining the reaction that a grandmother and her grandkids doing a solo dance would warrant. That would make her look ridiculous, and I doubt anyone would think it was ‘unifying’. lol. By the way, I think it’s awesome that you’re close with your FI’s ex wife, I love when women don’t see other women as competition, especially in a situation where it’s easier too. And how great for the kids that must be!! Enjoy your (well deserved) beer and BBQ!

Post # 51
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

She is crazy. You can’t have a special grand parent dance an only allow one grandparent to dance with them. Like everyone else said, she can do that during the whole reception if she wants. She just wants attention. Keep standing firm, you’ve got some time. Also maybe the girls wouldn’t like being the centre of attention. Not everyone doesd especially at that age. Plus dancing with both at once? Or one after the other? It would look so weird and this may sound odd but it’d make me think shes dying, not showing unity.

Also I think it’s awesome you are such good friends with his ex. It must make things so much easier for the children which is the main thing.

Post # 52
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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bride102018 :  OMG. I just went through such a nightmire. Had a trip to help me through. I received lots of good advice in this forum and now I’ll share it with you. 1. Understand more. Try to put yourself in her shoe and sometimes you’ll find things different. 2. Put your needs at first and see whether you can work out a way to make it possible for both ends. 3. let your Fiance know your feelings and maybe let him to communicate with his mom. Most important advice from a sweet bee: bear in mind you both love him and it is this love that binds you two together and helps to build a new family.

Post # 53
Member
3150 posts
Sugar bee

Why do you keep calling your Fiance “The FI”?? I call troll!

Post # 54
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

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bride102018 :  yeihh dor this!!! I have a beautiful relationship with my ex husband but moatly his new partner. She loves my son, so i love her and I consider her family! This is the best you can do! 

If someone besides you and fi, you and your dad is having a dance is he/you the kids.

after dancing with my now dh I danced with my son, it was a Ricky Martin’s sonb called “lo mejor de mi vida eres tu” or te best of my life is you and it was amazin for us. Its the only thing my son, who was 6 at the time really remember about the wedding. DH ask him to be “best man”, and he walked me down the aisle with my stepdad. But this dance was really special for us, because that day was not only our wedding, we became a family. 

 

Post # 55
Member
3076 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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cassandra7 :  Agreed 1000%. 

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bride102018 :  OP, you already received great advice about the dress and dance issue. But, I have to agree with @cassandra7 – your FI’s tendency to take his crazy mother’s side whenever he speaks with her is very concerning. You need to be on the same page behind the scenes and a united front in front of crazy Mother-In-Law.

The wedding is just one day. This needs to be ironed out so that all of the days after the wedding aren’t miserable. And I think you’re kind of glossing over the fact that your Fiance is part of the issue.

Post # 56
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee

You’ve received some really good advice, but omg at 11 I would have been mortified to stand up in front of everyone and dance with just my grandma 😳

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