Post # 46
The major problem that needs therapy is that he goes back and forth about who the central woman in his life is.
Google DWIL. You’re going to need their invaluable help until he finally decides which if you is his main squeeze.
Post # 47
I have to say, I appreciate all of you sounding boards for my ridiculous drama. Sometimes the best advice comes from those who aren’t trying to beat around the bush and just tell you what they think you want to hear. I am a very direct person, probably my biggest flaw, so I appreciate those that are the same. Weddings are stressful.
We had a lot of setbacks before we caught our groove. Our dream location no longer does fall weddings, then we chose another date (our actual anniversary) and our already paid photographer said that it’s his wife’s birthday weekend and he cant miss another birthday. my $1500 Alfred Angelo dress that was paid in full will never be seen (bought a month before they shut down). So, we decided to have the wedding in my parents’ backyard. When I showed my Mother-In-Law the pictures of the backyard, her one and only response was, “oh, it’s going to be just like his first wedding.” I ignored it and went about my business of dreaming up centerpieces and linens and layouts. My new dress ($200) is 50s inspired and tea length, our decor is burgundy, black, silver and damask. I look forward to our wedding and spending time with those who want to celebrate and have a good time.
The dress thing, yeah, it’s petty…but she did say she was going to go off on whatever my mom wears, so it hit a nerve when she decided she went off trail.
The dance thing, well, I am definitely standing my ground. I appreciate all of you who supported the decision and also thought she was overstepping. To those who didn’t support it, in a way I understand where you are coming from as well. I can’t deny that my lack of empathy for her as a human being played a roll, but so did my sanity for how long our guests will have to sit there and watch until they can join in on some dancing.
Now, off to have dinner with my FI’s ex-wife for some bbq and beer (quite seriously). We get together at least once a month just us.
Post # 49
Point out to your Fiance that having a dance between his mother and his children and his mother denying anyone else related to the girls the same opportunity is the exact OPPOSITE of “family unity.”
Post # 50
Don’t back down on this one, and explain to your fiance all the points that you’ve elaborated here. If he can’t understand that allowing this is just going to allow her to walk over more and more boundaries, then you guys need to have a really serious talk. But honestly…I am cracking up imagining the reaction that a grandmother and her grandkids doing a solo dance would warrant. That would make her look ridiculous, and I doubt anyone would think it was ‘unifying’. lol. By the way, I think it’s awesome that you’re close with your FI’s ex wife, I love when women don’t see other women as competition, especially in a situation where it’s easier too. And how great for the kids that must be!! Enjoy your (well deserved) beer and BBQ!
Post # 51
She is crazy. You can’t have a special grand parent dance an only allow one grandparent to dance with them. Like everyone else said, she can do that during the whole reception if she wants. She just wants attention. Keep standing firm, you’ve got some time. Also maybe the girls wouldn’t like being the centre of attention. Not everyone doesd especially at that age. Plus dancing with both at once? Or one after the other? It would look so weird and this may sound odd but it’d make me think shes dying, not showing unity.
Also I think it’s awesome you are such good friends with his ex. It must make things so much easier for the children which is the main thing.
Post # 52
OMG. I just went through such a nightmire. Had a trip to help me through. I received lots of good advice in this forum and now I’ll share it with you. 1. Understand more. Try to put yourself in her shoe and sometimes you’ll find things different. 2. Put your needs at first and see whether you can work out a way to make it possible for both ends. 3. let your Fiance know your feelings and maybe let him to communicate with his mom. Most important advice from a sweet bee: bear in mind you both love him and it is this love that binds you two together and helps to build a new family.
Post # 53
Why do you keep calling your Fiance “The FI”?? I call troll!
Post # 54
yeihh dor this!!! I have a beautiful relationship with my ex husband but moatly his new partner. She loves my son, so i love her and I consider her family! This is the best you can do!
If someone besides you and fi, you and your dad is having a dance is he/you the kids.
after dancing with my now dh I danced with my son, it was a Ricky Martin’s sonb called “lo mejor de mi vida eres tu” or te best of my life is you and it was amazin for us. Its the only thing my son, who was 6 at the time really remember about the wedding. DH ask him to be “best man”, and he walked me down the aisle with my stepdad. But this dance was really special for us, because that day was not only our wedding, we became a family.
Post # 55
OP, you already received great advice about the dress and dance issue. But, I have to agree with @cassandra7
– your FI’s tendency to take his crazy mother’s side whenever he speaks with her is very concerning. You need to be on the same page behind the scenes and a united front in front of crazy Mother-In-Law.
The wedding is just one day. This needs to be ironed out so that all of the days after the wedding aren’t miserable. And I think you’re kind of glossing over the fact that your Fiance is part of the issue.
Post # 56
You’ve received some really good advice, but omg at 11 I would have been mortified to stand up in front of everyone and dance with just my grandma 😳