(Closed) MIL is suffocating me!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
250 posts
Helper bee

I have to admit I’m confused.  I don’t see what she did that was so bad.  Are you sure you aren’t just missing your family and taking it out on her.  Sounds like she just wants to spend time with you and your husband and unless you are leaving something out, it doesn’t sound like she is rude or disrespectful to you.  I am just really confused about this one.

Post # 4
2429 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Honestly, if you only live 30 minutes from your Mother-In-Law, I’m surprised that you don’t see her that often.  I live almost 6 hours away from my parents and see them more often.  If I were your husband, I probably would be a little hurt.  It sounds like she’s nice and overall…normal…  From what you said about your Mother-In-Law, it sounds like just about every mother/MIL I know.  I don’t know a single mother that has never dropped the “I want to be a grandma” card…lol  It seems to come w/ the territory on that. 

Believe me when I say I’m not trying to sound snarky, just honest, but if you only see your Mother-In-Law once every other month and find that suffocating, maybe you should do a little soul searching…I know I’ve had to with my Mother-In-Law ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@sassitude99: first off,  you really need to talk to your husband about this and your feelings about it.  communication is key in a marriage ( which, I’m sure you’ve been told a million times alread Wink). 

second, be outright and blunt with your Mother-In-Law (forewarn your hubby, though, and explain WHY you are being blunt… ex: she won’t take a hint and I want you to know what I’m doing and to understand why I’m doing it…) about the whole “grandmother” bit. 

believe me, I’m getting the SAME crap from MY OWN mother!  And she’s already got FOUR grandkids!!! two from me, two from my brother!  ARGH!!!  so, yeah, totally feeling your pain here.  I’m blunt with my mother and it typically shuts her up and also ticks her off.  ๐Ÿ™‚  (no, I don’t have a good relationship with her and I LOVE making her mad so she’ll leave me ALONE).

Also, you could ask your husband to talk to her and explain that you aren’t ready for a child, that you just got married and want to spend some time together as husband and wife before adding a child into the mixture. 

As for blowing her off, come up with a convienent “excuse” that is plausable and believable.  and NOT shopping… she might want to come along. 

so soooo sorry you have to deal with this.  hope you and your hubby can get it sorted out with any fights or hurt feelings. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@sassitude99: Maybe that’s what you need to tell your husband, and your Mother-In-Law as well… be prepared to compromise though. Just let them know how you feel, and let them respond… sometimes the mental anguish of worrying about the relationship can be worse than the relationship itself, if that makes any sense.

Also, feed back to your Mother-In-Law that you think she’s a really nice person.

Post # 9
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@sassitude99: Honestly, I don’t really see what is so bad about her behavior.  The grandchildren/baby comments are going to come from everyone, so you should probably get used to that sooner rather than later. I’ve been married for 3 months now and we were getting the comments BEFORE we were married.  You’re lucky you’re only getting them from her…and it’s a natural thing for our parents to want grandbabies.  Also, I’m just throwing this out there, you are also VERY lucky that your Mother-In-Law is a sweet woman who wants a relationship with you. There are many ladies on this site (myself included) who have less-than-great relationships with our Mother-In-Law no matter how hard we try.  I hope that someday you can learn to value her wanting a relationship with you. There are far worse things than your Mother-In-Law wanting to take you to lunch.

Post # 10
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

๐Ÿ™‚ I’d suggest talking to your husband first, and letting him know that this is important to you and that you’re telling him this so that he can understand your pov better. It may not result in much of a change to the situation, but at least they will be aware of your different needs, and know that your reluctance isn’t because you dislike his Mother-In-Law (which is possibly what they’re thinking!). Your husband may then be able to give advice on how to let his mother know in a manner that will be acceptable to her.

I’d suggest staying away from accusations of manipulation though… or if you must address it, do the “I feel manipulated/pressured when..” thing rather than “Your Mother-In-Law is manipulating me”. It makes a world of difference!

Yes, I find it hard to face potential conflict as well, so I can sympathise. Good luck.

Post # 11
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I understand. I am also not much of a family person, I like to be alone and keep my distance. I a lot of people find that strange but I don’t care. If this is sort of what you feel, than I would explain that to your husband, that you care for his mother but that you are just a bit uncomfortable having such a close relationship with her. Perhaps he won’t understand, don’t push it. And to your Mother-In-Law I would say “I’d love it but I’ll be busy. I’ll call you” and be very nice to her when you do see her.


Post # 12
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Look on the brightside there are a lot of girls who post on here about their nightmare MILs. At least you have a nice one and I do not htink saying those comments are realy manipulative.

Post # 13
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I understand how you feel, My real mother did not raise me but my grandmother and 3 aunts were always there for me and a positive role model.  I explained to my Mother-In-Law that I feel no ways because I was raised by very influencial people and it has not phased me that I had no mother…I have been with my fiance 8 years, sometimes she would call me out the blue to find out my personal business and has even intruded in a small fight we had by calling me and taking his side.  I respectfuly told her that it has nothing too do with her.  She always complains to Fiance that I dont call her.. Honestly that bothers me because my real family does not complain about me calling them so why should she? Not only that but she expects me to attend all of their family functions which she is not even hosting I was like WTF? I have my own family to go to on speciall family days like X-mas etc.  My partner and i have no problem with this since we spend alot of time living together we thought it is ok to visit our own families on holidays.

Post # 14
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am probly going to get jumped on for saying this, but I really don’t think your Mother-In-Law is really that out of line. I honestly believe that when you marry someone you marry their family – good, bad or otherwise. I actually kinda feel bad for this woman because she is just trying to have a relationship with her daughter-in-law and is being pushed away. Sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear…

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