(Closed) MIL Issues Just married !

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Trent323: Don’t feel bad about not wanting children. It is ok. It isn’t for everyone. It is better that you know that NOW before you have them. It is a wise decision. Don’t ever let anyone try to force this on you. That being said, something might change someday. You are still young. It might change, it might not… either one is fine. 

For the people, Aunts, Uncles, In-laws who are pushing. Just tell them that you are not ready yet. You aren’t financially stable enough right now. Heck say taking care of your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law takes up too much time and you simply can’t have children AND them to take care of.

People don’t understand. I have 2 kids from a previous marraige. My daughter almost killed me by sticking her hand thru the uterine wall just as they cut me open (talk about just in time to save our lives) and durring my emergency c-section they tied my tubes, because my uterine wall is so thin if I got pregnant it would rupture most likely before the 6 month mark killing me and the baby if it isn’t caught in time again. STILL my Future Mother-In-Law insists that I will give her more grandchildren. Her son never wanted infants but loves my 2 to the ends of the earth, no matter what we say, people STILL ask. They always will. In my situation, I would love another baby sometimes, but that decision was out of my hands… and somedays people asking hurts.

So just stick by your decision, let them ask…. it will never stop, just give them some dumb excuse…

Post # 4
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

There is nothing wrong with not having children.  You’re 20 and in school.  Some people are crazy to even ask you.  Plus you’ve been married a week,  When people pester you, just tell them its not on your plate right now. 

Post # 5
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Trent323:  don’t feel bad about not wanting kids. I had two children and it was quite the decision to make as a career-minded person. I decided to have them for my husband under the premise that he would be the one to stay at home and care-give and/or work part-time only in order to be there for them. However, I also made sure I thought ahead…if my husband left or died would I still be okay with my decision? I am lucky I thought this out on my own because my husband left just after the second child was born πŸ™ Needless to say, my career has suffered a lot from this decision, but I have nobody to blame but myself. The moral of my story is that you should not let anybody pressure you into something that you personally don’t want to do…otherwise you may resent your children and that would be terrible I think.

Post # 6
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My husband and I are childfree. We will NEVER have kids. My Mother-In-Law doesn’t believe it and used to make all sorts of comments. You do NOT have to put up with this. Your husband need to sit with her and tell her that you two are not having kids. Add that it is deeply disrespectful to continue after the two of you have made your position clear. That she has made it clear that she wants grandkids and she needs to stop going on about it. 

It sounds like she has issues with boundaries in general, so you’ll have to start enforcing boundaries on all fronts. Set a day 1 time per month to see his family. Make a no-texts-or-calls-after-9 pm rule. Whatever you need. Tell them when their behavior is unaccetaptable and s enforce it. This kind of thing can put a lot of stress on your relationship.

Post # 10
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Just lie and tell them you’re infertile. That should create enough awkwardness to shut them up about it for a while, especially if you can cry on command. πŸ˜‰

I’m kidding, of course… but seriously, it’s OK to not want children. You shouldn’t feel guilty about that at all.  Whatever you do, don’t tell them that you’re not ready for them yet. The only thing that will accomplish is to encourage them to continue asking. (Are you ready now? How ’bout now? Now?) Be honest and upfront about your decision.  You’re adults, and it’s your choice.  Your Mother-In-Law has 2 other kids she can pester about grandchildren.  Flat out tell her that the topic is not open for discussion, and if you somewhere down the road change your mind, you’ll tell her, but until that time, you’d appreciate it if she’d stop asking.

Also, get used to being asked this question a LOT over the next 10-12 years. From everyone… friends, family, acquantances, you name it. It won’t stop until you hit about 34-35. By then, they’ll have given up.

Post # 11
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Once you guys move your fiance needs to be firm with his parents about not driving to their house everyday. He can tell them that you can’t afford the gas or he can be frank and tell them that it’s way out of the way for him and it’s not convienent or appropriate for him to be visiting that often.

As for the cf issue. You have my sympathy. I’m in the same boat. My Future Mother-In-Law is still in the hinting stage and hasn’t started overtly pressurig me yet but I assume that will start after we get married. My plan is to tell her “It makes me uncomfortable when you ask me if and when I plan to have unprotected sex with your son. Our sex life is private and I have no intention of discussing it with you. Please stop asking.” Feel free to borrow this.

Post # 14
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Parents can be such a pain in the arse about this.

I’ve been married twice, first time when I was just 21.  My mother started with the baby crap when I’d barely been married 6 months…after years of me telling her that I didn’t like children and would never have any of my own.  I’m talking about since I was about 8.

My second Mother-In-Law was bad for it, too.  Even when she was dying she managed to get a dig in about it.  The blame was totally in my court, too, even though her son, my now ex H, demanded I have an abortion when I did get pregnant.  It took all my self control not to tell her that…

Sadly, people didn’t stop asking the question until I was in my early 40s.  You just can’t stop them, even hearing it a million times didn’t stop some people.  All you can do is try not to take it heart.  

Personally, I would find it very refreshing if more young women (and perhaps men) admitted publically that they didn’t want children.  It’s not like the world needs anymore. 

Post # 15
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Oops, double post!

Post # 16
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tell her she gets grandchildren (from you) when she figures out how to have them herself.

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