(Closed) MIL Issues – Need Advice

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@melanieky:  It sounds like a gift! While I realize it might not be your taste, I would accept it graciously. It sounds like she wants to be a part of helping you and your Fiance “make a home,” especially if when she went through that process in her life she didn’t feel like she had a mother or sister who really supported that process. I wouldn’t worry too much about it… it sounds like she’ll get the messages when you respectfully make it clear (as you have done) that you and Fiance are still in the midst of making decisions, thanks for the ideas! 

Post # 5
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Just be careful to set boundaries. Say thanks for the bedding, you have great taste, I’ll let you know if there’s anything else that we need so you can scope out the options for me before I decide what to buy! She does sound like she’s just being helpful, but that can go overboard very quickly.

Post # 6
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Uh oh.  You better put your foot down before its too late, although nice of her to buy you a gift shes going to keep doing this and if you cant tell her to stop it most likely will cause issues down the line.  If you dont use the things she buys and she notices youre going to have some explaining to do especially if you’re lying about actually using the stuff.

Hurting someones feeling should be the least of your worries, because you’re lying rather then just telling it how it is. If its really that hard for you have ask your fiance to do it because it is his mother.

Post # 7
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

She’s obviously trying to help, and it’s really sweet of her, but you need to nip it in the bud,

Future Mother-In-Law says- “I bought bedding for your guest room.”
You say- “Oh, that’s so thoughtful of you. Unfortunately, we’ve already bought the bedding for that room. Could we exchange it for (pillows, towels, whatever else you need)?”

You’re not going to hurt her feelings, and you’re not being rude by telling her you already have something. She’s more likely to be upset if you don’t use it. And there’s nothing wrong with saying- “I appreciate your suggestions. However purchasing these items is really something Fiance and I want to do together, making our first home.”

If you “don’t do what people sugguest or go with what their opinions are”- you’re potentially setting yourself up for a lot of issues later on (like if/when you have kids).

Post # 9
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@melanieky:  She sounds like a very generous and thoughtful Mother-In-Law, she is just trying to be helpful and giving gifts, don’t get up[set about it. You should graciously accept the bedding, while it may not match your current colour scheme, you never know when it could come in handy, you can never have too much bedding. 

As for the table, how about you actually go and look at the one she is suggesting, and while you’re at it show her the ones you and your Fiance already like. I’m sure she will understand if you pick a table you already fell in love with.


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