(Closed) MIL Issues

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2007

My Mother-In-Law is being a bit difficult too!  She works for a florist so she thinks that she knows exactly how things are "meant" to go and acts insulted when I challenge her.  Our main problem in the begining was that she did not think anyone other than the wedding party should be at the RD- no spouses of the Wedding Party, no family, and no Out of Town guest.  My Fiance and I resolved to pay for the people we felt should be there instead of start something. 

My advice would be to listen to her opinions, let her know you value them, but then let her know it is your day and ultimately the final word is up to you and your Fiance.

Good Luck!

Post # 4
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

My advice? Patience, a glass of wine and two Advil. But seriously her behavior now could be an indicator of things to come.

Assign her certain tasks – Rehearsal Dinner or researching cermony musicians.  Ask her to help you with the invitation process if possible – addressing, assembling, etc. Ask her to help you go through the multiple floral ideas you are considering – and gently work in her favorite flower to one or two arrangements. Ask her to collect wedding songs of married friends and family members and compile a list that you and your Fiance can consider when making your reception song list. While this may seem painful at first, perhaps she will see your willingness to plan "together" as a friendly overture and she will no longer feel slighted. 

Good luck!!!!

Post # 5
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2007

I agree, the attitude of your Future Mother-In-Law is a preview of what you’ll have for the rest of your life.  Use this time for you and your fiance to set yourselves up as a team, and for you both to show your support for each other.  Many parents still have a hard time letting go of their children, and use this opportunity to show they’re still the matriarch/patriarch.  Of course, always be tactful and respectful, but after all, it is your wedding.

Post # 6
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

She’s probably just super excited about the wedding.  If she wasn’t, she’d probably be trying stalling tactics rather than trying to move things along at the speed of light!

Of course, I think you should have the final say, but I would suggest to pick your battles wisely.  Let her win on some things – keep her decisions on those.  Stand your ground on the things that really matter to you – maybe the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses for example.  If you show her that you’re willing to compromise, maybe she will do the same.

Post # 7
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2007

Best of luck… for me it was the other way: my mil was laid back, my mom went crazy at first. except we were paying for 90% ourselves, then my mom backed off a bit.

Post # 8
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

I guess it kind of depends on who is paying even though it is your wedding – as bad as that sounds!!  Our parents are splitting the reception site, which we are very thankful for, so we narrowed down our choices and brought both sets of parents to see them and decided on one.  The rest of the stuff we are paying for and it is ultimately our final decision, but we are taking suggestions.  At first, I tried fighting everything, but now I just listen.  It’s not worth arguing and ruining any relationships.  But let me tell you, I feel your pain!!

Post # 9
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Nip it in the bud now!! Tell her that you love that she is excited and you are open to ideas, but you would like to look around for ideas yourself and you will go to her if you need any help.

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