(Closed) MIL made an offensive reference about my religion

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Thank goodness your Darling Husband isn’t giving in, that is such an obvious manipulation tactic. It’s like when two people break up and one threatens to “harm” or “kill themselves” to guilt the other person back into the situation. Good on him for having your back in all of this.

Post # 63
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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anonykitten:  If Mother-In-Law wants to apologize, that’s great. She needs to. I would allow her to apologize and accept her apology (even though it may be difficult). But I STILL would not be going there for Easter.

Post # 64
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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anonykitten:  It’s great that your husband is standing up for you.  Have you ever considered going to counselling together to talk about ways that both of you can manage your Mother-In-Law without getting sucked into her drama? 

Also, her threats to harm herself are currently being used to manipulate everyone around her to get what she wants, but if anything were to happen to her, how would your husband process the loss? Would he blame himself? Would he regret setting healthy boundaries? It might be helpful for your husband to get support from a third and neutral party in order to learn how to set healthy boundaries with this woman. Just some questions to think about.

Wishing you both the best!

Post # 65
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

BPD people also have an extreme issue with feeling abandoned and oftentimes latch onto their kids because they are easily manipulated. This is not a surprising issue, you just have to treat it like textbook and know that you have every right to spend time with your family and that being viciously insulted by your Mother-In-Law is never ok. That insult offended me and I dont even know you!

Post # 67
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Umm I’m pretty sure I don’t have a brother, but this woman sounds exactly like my mom. She has been threatening to hurt herself as a method of manipulation since I was a kid. She also stopped talking to my aunt after my aunt suggested we call adult protective services. She insults my Fiance anytime he’s tried to stand up for me when she is acting like a crazy person. I just wanted to say that I feel for you and I’m sorry that you have someone like that in your life. Thank you for not blaming your SIL and realizing that she has been conditioned by her mother. It’s a really hard position to be in. I’m glad your husband has decided to limit contact. I try to limit contact with my mother, but it is still so hard, especially when she acts like a normal person. I wish you all good luck!

Post # 69
Member
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

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anonykitten:  Don’t get your religion confused with you. Yes, she made an offensive reference towards your religion, but more important she offensively referred to you. Let’s not forget the motivation behind this.

I’d cut her off. I’m Jewish, and I have low tolerance for Jewish remarks. I had a friend wish me “happy Jew day” for one of the high holidays and I stopped her in her tracks and told her never to say that to any Jewish person, ever. Anti-semitism gets you on my black list.

I would cut her off completely. I wouldn’t have anything to do with her until she apologizes. If she doesn’t, then oh well. And if/when you start having kids, don’t allow her to see them. But I’m vindictive like that; that’s what I’d do.

Post # 70
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Boston Museum of Science

See, I am having the opposite problem that you have. My family is roman catholic and my fiance’s family is jewish. When we were dating there were no issues even though we lived together BUT since we got engaged they’ve been very judgemental over the fact that I am not jewish. They’ve been trying to force us into having a jewish wedding (we’re going non-denominational wedding) and they keep pushing for me to convert. A long time ago, when we moved in together, i offered to convert if that is what my Fiance wanted. He said he just wanted me to be who I am and so his mom got word of me saying I would convert (but missed the “if he wanted me to” part) and she thought that I was decieving her by not converting and not having a jewish wedding. 

 

Religions are messy things to get involved in. Hope things clear up for you!

Post # 71
Member
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

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anonykitten:  Yikes, it really sounds like she’s trying to manipulate you via her own daughter. That’s shitty.

If she’s that sorry she can ring your doorbell and tell you to your face. I hate it when people use messengers.

Post # 72
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
anonykitten:  Omg when I saw the comment my mouth dropped. My mother in law has no issue with us missing things for Jewish holidays and even looks up various customs on ‘mazel moments.com.’ Currently with the amount of antisematism in the world I think there should be zero tolerance for this and I think its great that your fianc eis sticking up for you.

 

I would have your husband call her and say Passover takes priority I’m sorry if that upsets you and we will not be coming for any further holidays or speakin gto you further until we receive an apology for my wife. (I would also try to push a donation to a jewish charity :P)

Im so so so sorry you had to dela with that. I feel isolated amongst my inlaws sometimes even when though they are accepting.<br /> Don’t take any shit!

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