MIL making us feeling guilty

posted 3 weeks ago in 30 Something
Post # 2
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Sounds like this shouldn’t be something you talk to the in-laws about unless you want them making judgmental comments and generally trying to guilt you and ruin the experience.

Post # 3
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I understand that you can’t help your feelings, but they really are your feelings to deal with. You can’t change how your Mother-In-Law behaves — unless you think getting your husband to speak to her about not making comments about your vacations will work. You’ll need to work on controlling your guilt by realizing that you have nothing to feel guilty for in the first place. If you can’t do that, other people’s unjust behavior and opinions will dictate your life forever. 

Post # 4
Member
256 posts
Helper bee

First, your decisions are completely reasonable and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

DH/You could talk to them about it. My guess is they’ll always throw these comments in from time to time. Work on a good stiff upper lip. Have some one-liners ready like “As great as that sounds, this is the plan we’ve made and we are pretty excited for it!” or “Yea we look forward to visiting them soon”

That, or just dont share so much with them.

Post # 5
Member
2113 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Yeah, you have nothing to feel guiltly about. You are doing what’s right for you, and its your vacation and PTO, you get to choose how you want to spend it. Work on letting their comments roll off your back or just stop sharing with them. 

If it makes you feel better, any time my husband and I book a trip my SIL books either the same or a similar one. So it could be worse! 

Post # 6
Member
256 posts
Helper bee

Sunshine024 :  LOL, oh dear. I feel for you! Hopefully you dont tell her dates until its too late for her to join you!

Post # 7
Member
6224 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

You don’t have any control over her feeling some type of way about you doing things with your husband. You do have control over whether or not you choose to feel badly or tell her stuff. I’d focus on the things I could control and cut back on telling her my business and/or start making it clear that I don’t take guilt trips so she could save sayings like “I wish you would…” for her genie in a bottle.

Post # 8
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I get those kinds of comments from some of my family members, too. There is nothing to feel guilty about. As a couple it is important that you get away and spend time with each other. I just try not to talk to those people about my vacations in great details. I also have to remember that they will give me a hard time no matter what I do because some people are like that.

Post # 9
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Ugh I hate this crap. Mother-In-Law does this to me every fall “omg I haven’t seen you in forever, you’re never around”

Yes mother in law…. from August to November I coach an activity that is highly competitive for 2 organizations 5 days a week. The 2 days I get, I try to do laundry, see my husband, catch up on sleep and appointments. It’s the same EVERY YEAR, and every year she complains. Also she competed in this activity herself in high school at the same school I coach at, so you’d think she would understand. Never mind she never complains about husband’s coaching season. Also the only time I see my own parents is because they come to the competitions, she never has. 

Should add we live 10 minutes away…. I compete less than an hour away. My parents are 45 minutes away and make more of an effort. Oh except when In Laws decide to just spontaneously show up on our only mutual day off and expect us to be there for them and then make us late to our other plans.

 

Blarg sorry to hijack but she was literally JUST doing this so I was do for a fresh rant

Post # 10
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Anything she comments on negatively is a topic you delete from all future conversations. (You can tell her you’re doing this if you feel it will help.) Soon you will be down to the weather and movies and maybe your garden (unless she objects to how you water your potted plants). Conversations will be boring and safe and empty and, I trust, short.

You don’t have to put up with being criticized every time you open your mouth. Be the gray rock–dull, dull, dull. She doesn’t need to know what you’re doing. At all. Especially if you ever have children. “Oh, she’s fine. No, nothing new, particularly. Just the usual.”

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