Post # 1
My Mother-In-Law recently took my 7 week old for the day and overnight so my husband and I could have some time off to relax, see a movie and SLEEP. I pumped 7 bottles for her to use while she is taking care of him. When he was dropped off the next morning my husband unpacked the cooler and announced that there were still 5 1/2 bottles of milk left, obviously not enough had been drunk to sustain a 7 week old for 20 hours. I made my husband run outside and ask his mother what he was fed and the obvious answer was formula and she said, and I quote, “I wanted to switch things up.” At this point I am livid and use all the restrain in my body from running outside to “talk” to her. My husband and I seriously believe that she thinks formula is better for babies than breastmilk (after both herself and her daughter exclusively used formula for their children). My husband says that he will talk with her, but at this point I want to say that she will not be babysitting anymore. This is just another incident in a long line of disrespecting and manipulative incidents that she has thrown. I don’t want to ruin this relationship as we will need to be friendly for the rest of our lives and I want a healthy relationship for my baby’s sake. What should I do?
This topic was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by teeandtee.
Post # 2
teeandtee: Nope, I wouldn’t let her babysit anymore. I’d be furious. If she can’t follow certain rules you have for your baby, she doesn’t get to babysit. Sure, grandma can come and visit and you can visit but I wouldn’t leave my child alone with someone who blatantly disrespects your rules and choices especially on something like that. I mean, letting the kids stay up 30m late or giving an extra cupcake I could live with, but not something like that.
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm
teeandtee: I would tell her that until she is able to abide by your decisions as the parents that she will no longer be allowed to care for the child. If she wishes to see her grandchild she may visit you and your husband. That is it. Point blank. Nip this in the bud. She HAD NO RIGHT to change your babies diet.
I am livid over here. How Dare that woman.
Screw the healthy relationship. She’s already thrown that out the window.
Post # 4
Whether or not she thinks formula is better doesn’t matter. This is your child and you get to decide these things. Not her. I’d be very annoyed as well.
What did your husband say to her when she told him?
Post # 5
Wow. I would be livid. Talk about disrespecting you, Darling Husband and the baby. I would have her babysitting rights revoked for doing something like that. How can you trust her again when she went out of her way to give the baby formula when she had everything she needed to feed the baby breast milk? Since you don’t want to ruin your relationship with her, I think a discussion is needed to make sure she doesn’t do this shit again about milk or any other beliefs she has in the future.
Post # 6
That is not appropriate at all!
If you want a friendly, healthy relationship with your Mother-In-Law, I think you need to avoid as much confrontation as possible, as difficult as that will be. If she’s manipulative and disrespectful, the only thing you can do is try to make encounters with her on your terms, with little room for her to mess things up. Finding someone else to babysit would be a good start.
Post # 7
I’m glad you had the restraint not to run out there and have words with her. Good for you! 🙂
I agree you shouldn’t let her care for your baby if she’s not following the rules. That being said, I think now you have to sit and think and really be honest with yourself about which rules are the deal breakers. You can’t threaten to be this angry over every little thing – like PP said about staying up a little late. Mother-In-Law won’t even want to care for your child if she feels like she’s walking on eggshells. So you have to let her know which rules are the important ones.
Post # 8
teeandtee: wow, thats ballsy. I wouldnt let her babysit anymore. My mom is like that and for that reason, we wont let her baby sit. Your Mother-In-Law crossed a line
Post # 9
Outragous. Simply outrageous. She has lost the right to care for your child and she should be told why. You provided the noursihment you wanted your child to have and she went out and bought what she wanted. What if your child had an allergy to the formula?
I am so angry on yor behalf it isn’t funny.
Post # 10
Incredibly disrespectful. I’m so sorry.
Post # 11
This is so not okay. Keep her involved through visits or even maybe caring for your child for short periods of time at your house, where breast milk is her only option, but not on her own. I second PP–what if your child was allergic to the formula? Not her decision to make. Sorry, Bee.
Post # 12
Woah. I would be beyond furious!!!!!
That is seriously out of line, manipulative and controlling… she needs to be told how you feel. If she doesn’t understand why you are this angry, then I would give up with her!
Post # 13
ANND she waited for you to put two and two together- she didn’t even tell you!!!!
Post # 14
Nope nope nope. Sounds like you and your husband need to get on the same page with how to deal with setting some boundaries. Setting boundaries can be done by you guys in a firm but positiive way. She needs to understand that you get to decide what to feed your baby, and it is not a reflection on what she chose to feed her babies. You guys should decide together what to do, whether it’s to say she can’t watch baby for any longer than between feedings, or that she has one more chance but if trust is broken she will not be seeing the baby without you guys present until the baby is much older.
Post # 15
Did she run out to buy formula to feed your baby? That’s ridiculous, and if so, obviously very planned. I would not let her babysit.