Post # 1
Last night, we were on pinterest just giggling and having a good ole time looking at wedding ideas. She had found a dress online that she loved, and she wanted to show me. It was PERFECT! I had already found one similar, but I like the one she found better. She was all excited that I liked it so much, and that she did know my taste.
Before I left their family’s house last night, she went out on the back porch to give me a hug (as always) and said “If I can, I’ll help you get your dress.” I am so happy that she wants to do that for me!!! Fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, so this really surprised me, and I am so thankful that she offered. We are nowhere near ready to go dress shopping yet (the earliest we’ll get married is July 2013) but I am so happy that she would even offer.
However, I have not told my mother. I think it would upset her to know that Mother-In-Law wants to help get the dress. My dad lost his job last October, and I have had to help cover some bills and groceries. Mom may feel that she should be helping to buy the dress. I do not plan on doing anything about this right now, because the actual dress shopping is so far off. But what kinds of issues like this have other bees faced? Did you end up accepting the help, or just doing it on your own?
Post # 3
That’s really sweet. It sounds like Future Mother-In-Law is super excited to help you, but I get that it could cause tension with your mom if she wanted to buy the dress. I think you could accept the help…no one necessarily needs to know the specific financial inputs, but if Future Mother-In-Law and your mom could jointly help you get the dress maybe that would make both of them happy.
I recommend not accepting financial help when it would cause unnecessary ownership or control issues over the wedding, however it doesn’t sound like the case here.
ETA, it might not be too soon to start looking! Sometimes it takes much longer than you expect to find a dress you love, and often they take 6-9 months to get in from when you order them, THEN you still have alterations.
Post # 4
Wow! I thought it wasn’t really necessary to start until 9-6 months out from the wedding! Thanks for that! Maybe I’ll make a date with my mom and Mother-In-Law to go lookig soon
Post # 5
I think it’s great you and your MIl have this kind of relationship :-). I had it too, with my late Mother-In-Law..
My mother offered to buy me the dress.. after she was poked by my close cousin!! On my first wedding dress “tour” my mum and sister went with me..i was sooooo happy and excited i had a blast!! Well, they did not..also, my mother never believed I would get married, even asked if i was really having a wedding dress!!She thinks it’s all wasted money so i did NOT feel comfortable at all while trying dresses and looking at the price tags. She was the one who set the budget – around 600€ . I felt limited, i admit. They did NOT go with me on my next two dress appointments and i had the time of my life, trying all kinds of dresses (and prices too!) . I was lucky to find “the dress” for 695€ but if i really wanted a more expensive dress i would pay up the difference..in fact that’s what happened. She gave me 600€ and that’s it. I am not ungrateful, mind! I apreciate the fact that she DID help – we’re paying for everything else as well – but i just say be careful. You might not go for the dress you really want because someone else is paying.
Post # 6
That’s so sweet of your FMIL! If it were me, I would worry about upsetting my parents by sharing that news too. However, I think you should accept the help from your Future Mother-In-Law because it would make her happy to do so. Maybe I wouldn’t even mention that part to my parents unless it came up somehow. Good luck dress shopping!
Post # 7
It’s never too early to go dress shopping–like a pp said, dresses take 6+ months to come in from the designer and then you need alterations.
That said, I took my Future Mother-In-Law dress shopping with me. I’m not close to my mother, and Future Mother-In-Law has no daughters (and her other DIL didn’t ask her to do anyhing wedding-related). We had fun, she was really excited, and she ended up paying for my dress. She said, “You deserve someone in your life to do this for you.” I almost cried, haha.
Post # 8
My Future Mother-In-Law has offered to help out. She doesn’t have any daughters, and she’s really excited. I told her that we were going to try to pay for everything ourselves, but if we needed help with something we’d let her know.
She did slip extra money in my birthday card though and told me to use it for my dress.