- 2 weeks ago
- Wedding: September 2020
So I’ll start with a little bit of background. My now husband and I live in Texas and we are both 27 years old. We recently got married with about 12 people in attendance (we all wore masks and social distanced.) We have been together for 5 years and his whole immediate family lives about a half hour away from us. His 22 year old sister still lives at home with their parents while she is in University full time and he has an older brother who lives in an apartment nearby. His sister has a bf but my husband is the only sibling who is married in the family.
I have been around his mom countless times because we go over their on the weekends to hangout and I have even gone over to their house and had girl days such as shopping with his mom and sis when my now husband was at work or sleeping from work. I would say I have a great relationship with my Mother-In-Law. It isn’t tension filled or anything at least to my knowledge.
Well, the other night I went to write thank you cards for the wedding and we also received a lot of cards in the mail as well from friends and family who weren’t invited to the wedding which was super generous and not expected at all. I stated to my husband that I did find it a little odd that we didn’t even receive a card from his mom considering it’s well his mom. He said that HE received one but his mom gave it to him off to the side at the wedding. I asked him why he never mentioned this to me and he said he forgot about it through the craziness of the wedding day. He said she gave $150 and I said ok let me make sure I wrote a thank you note from us. He said well she addressed it just to me. I was very taken back and not impressed TBH.
asked my husband doesn’t he find that odd that she left off the other half of the couple’s name on a card for a celebration that is literally meant to recognize and celebrate a couple being unified, coming together as one, and joining a family so to address it just to one person seemed odd? This isn’t his birthday or something where the celebration is about one person.
My husband said he found it very odd himself especially given the close relationship I have with his mom. He thinks when I write the thank you note to his mom that I should sign my name as well just to make the point that we are now married and cards and such should always be addressed to us together as a married couple (referring to Christmas cards and such obviously not birthday cards).
I’m more hurt than anything why would my Mother-In-Law leave my name off a wedding card when we are close and have a relationship? I mean hell I know people who live far away from their Mother-In-Law and maybe met them one time before the wedding yet their wedding cards were addressed to the both of them. I asked other married friends along with my sister who all said yes their in laws laws addressed both of them by name on the card even the ones who don’t like them.
I am honestly really hurt and I feel tempted to ask my husband to politely address it with his mom. I couldn’t imagine just addressing one person on a wedding card for a celebration that is meant for two people. I know it isn’t considered poor etiquette and my Mother-In-Law is definitely the type to know proper etiquette.
Hell even a friend that wasn’t even invited to the wedding who was an old college friend of my husband’s who I met twice addressed me by name. And I met the dude twice. If this was like an old college buddy of my husband’s who I met once I would find it a little off but I would chalk it up to a young dude just being clueless on etiquette but coming from an immediate family member you are close to it’s hurtful.
Yes his mom isn’t rich by any means but she certainly isn’t hurting for money. Let’s just say maybe she felt bad she couldn’t give more money and in her mind it wasn’t enough (what she gave was plenty) she could have still given the same amount and just added my name to the envelope. She had to realize that was rude and would hurt me she has been to plenty of weddings and she is a smart woman she knows how this stuff works.
Sorry for the long post im just hurt and I need to vent. It isn’t about the money it’s about the principle of being excluded and snubbed by family I thought I was close to. I made sure this women felt included in wedding planning with us, I took her dress shopping with me, I included her with everything I did just about. Then couldn’t even write her son’s brides brides name on the card.
So I guess my question is should I have my husband address it with her, should I just sign my name on the thank you card to get our point across, or say nothing? My husband feels terrible about it and doesn’t understand as his mother doesn’t typically exclude me like this.