(Closed) MIL Perspective

posted 2 months ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Who was wrong in this scenario?



    Both Please explain why

  • Post # 92
    13656 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    OP, you continue to try to make a distinction between the DIL’s sentiments and your son’s when you should care just as much if it is coming from her. Your son would be doing the right thing to set boundaries even if it really was on her behalf. 

    More to the point, yes it was weird and somewhat creepy in my experience, but even worse were your comments. If you were astute enough to be aware in the moment that DIL’s light hearted “joke” had an element of truth, you should have just moved.  Rather than take the hint that it made her uncomfortable, you wanted the last word and to exert your authority and control. Note that it was only after your inappropriate comments that she told you exactly what she really thought. 


    Post # 94
    2946 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    All the other stuff has been covered. I want to chime in with the whole “puppetmaster” theme that mothers of grown sons love to use.

    Unless you truly believe you and your friends all raised men with zero backbones who will blindly follow whatever the monster DILs dictate, you need to unlearn this way of thinking. It’s disgusting, misogynistic, and infantilizing. Respect your son more than that ffs, and respect the grown woman he has chosen to be his life partner. Consider that your son’s father’s mom looked at you in that light. How fair a picture is THAT?

    I’m going to let you in on a secret – people sometimes lie. Even if your sons or your friends’ sons blame their partners for something you don’t like, they could be lying to you to keep the peace. It’s a terrible tactic, but it happens and usually with overbearing mothers. Food for thought.

    Post # 96
    64 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    View original reply
    @liveitup489: “Of course I care about her but isn’t any parent going to care more about what their actual child has to say?”

      No. A rational person would be able to respect when their child’s partner expressed their discomfort with something they’re doing. My fiancé and I live with my parents, and if he told them in the moment that something they were saying or doing was making him uncomfortable or unhappy, they would stop because they care about him and his feelings just as much as they care about myself and mine. And they do that because they love and respect me as their grown child. I’ll always be my dads little girl, and he kisses me on top of the head and I still love that, but he’s not snuggling with me and trying to have me sit on his lap “like the old times”. 

    You should definitely care about your DILs feelings and what she has to say just as much as your son. 

    Post # 97
    4479 posts
    Honey bee

    View original reply
    @liveitup489:  nope, my in laws are lovely. As I said, I talk to my Mother-In-Law a few times a week. Sometimes I initiate and sometimes she does.

    But your son never visits. He only talks to you for a few minutes when his wife is not around. You staked your claim multiple times at his rehearsal dinner in a very inappropriate way. You were convinced your DIL was magically causing your son to (finally) set a boundary (besides not visiting you).

    I don’t think you have a very good grasp of your relationship. 

    The topic ‘MIL Perspective’ is closed to new replies.

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