(Closed) MIL Planning a 2nd Rehearsal Dinner for Her Guests Only

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
46606 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

jcol1984:  You are not the one that the future in-laws are going to think is an a_ _hole.

This is beyond insensitive and rude of her. She should be attending the proper rehearsal dinner with you and her son.

Post # 3
658 posts
Busy bee

Yikes, I thought this was at a separate location… Having it at the same restaurant is a recipe for disaster. I don’t think you should have to wrangle her, your Fiance should do that.

Post # 4
4040 posts
Honey bee

jcol1984:   Am I crazy here? Nope! But we all can guess who might be. 

 I honestly do not want my future in-laws jumping the gun and thinking that my FH and I are assholes for not including them.  I agree with julies1949, on this point. <br /><br />Good luck, with this situation. And let us know how it all turns out. 


Post # 5
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Can you merge the two parties and you pay for your part and her boss or w/e pay for the part he/she was supposed to? No one has to know how the payment went down.

Post # 6
3340 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Wow, that’s just unbelievable.  Your Fiance really needs to stand up to her.  This is unacceptable on so many levels.  She’s basically decided to not only NOT attend her son’s rehearsal dinner, but to purposefully create drama by hosting/organizing a second party for the same night AT THE SAME PLACE!  Oh, Hell no!  She needs to be stopped!  This is ridiculous.  I might even call the restaurant and ask how they plan on keeping the two events separate.  Will there be walls separating you?  How will guests know which dinner to attend?  OMG, this is so selfish of her.  I don’t know what she could possibly be thinking.

Post # 7
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club

This is unreal! I had to grapple with my Future Mother-In-Law about the rehearsal dinner too so I feel your pain. 

She absolutly cannot have another party at the same restaurant at the same time, that’s unreal and so awkward and rude for your guests. 

I would insist she picks a different location if she feels so inclined to have her own dinner. When you and your Fiance don’t show up everyone will think Future Mother-In-Law is the a-hole. If she won’t move her location then you should move yours, and don’t tell her. Since she didn’t plan on attending your party there is no reason to let her know about the location change.

Or perhaps compromise on post wedding brunch the day after the wedding and let her have full reign if that party. That’s how I got my Future Mother-In-Law to stop acting crazy about the rehearsal. 

Post # 8
2498 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh wow! I don’t have any advice but good luck

Post # 9
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014


jcol1984:  This is insane.  I would make your Fiance deal with her.  It is beyond rude for her to do this. 

 amoore2:  Yes, all of this.    

Post # 10
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

jcol1984:  This is really bizarre. If the two parties are not joined then she’s basically hosting an unrelated dinner at the same time and place of your rehersal dinner. Honestly I would have your Fiance tell her that the dinner you have planned is how you want it to be and that while you appreciate her desire to have more people there, it just doesn’t work with your plan. 

Post # 11
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

jcol1984:  I apologize in advance for what I’m about to say, but it’s really the only way I can express my true feelings…


She is being insensitive, rude, and crazy. Coming from someone who has her own set of Future Mother-In-Law problems I say stand up to her now because it’s just going to get worse. You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable about your wedding.

PLUS is she inviting the out of town guests who AREN’t her guests (whatever that means)? Because if she isn’t she is just being plain rude including some out of town guests and not others. Also, since when do Groom’s parent’s bosses pay for the rehearsal dinner? lol

Post # 14
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

what is your FI’s take on this??  Or your FFIL’s stance??  This is beyond odd.


also, why is her boss paying for a dinner for a group of people who he doesn’t know??  That is beyond weird And doesn’t make sense.

Depending on how upset you are,  At this point I would either switch locations for the rehearsal dinner and not tell her, or call the restaurant and request a private room/location for the party.   Or just deal with it.  People are probably just going to come up and congratulate you and your Fiance anyway… So this really shouldn’t add more stress to your night.  If FMIl wants to absent herself, that is her issue.  If she is that troublesome, do you really want her around anyway??

Post # 15
10291 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I’m trying to understand exactly what is going on, here. Are these out of town guests of your FMIL’s connected  through business?  Will boss be invited and is he part of this group? Do you know that Future Mother-In-Law won’t be at the rehearsal or are you only guessing that she will try to split her time? 

I could see her asking to include these people in the real dinner if it didn’t cost you anything, but not at the expense of the out of  town guests  that you were not able to invite.  So that would be a no go. If Future Mother-In-Law is hosting these people separately at the same place at the same time as your party that is so incredibly rude. 

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