- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
I am new to this site and have never posted much in any kind of online forums, so I hope everyone will cut me some slack as I try to explain my story/vent/rant/seek some advice. I found Weddingbee while Googling issues with ILs, and have read the rules and some posts of others before deciding to post myself.
My DH and me have been married since December 31, 2014 and were a couple for five years before that. We lived together for three of those five years in the house he already owned mortgage-free, we are both CF (me due to reproductive issues and him by past choice), and are both a bit older (I’m 40 and he’s 50) with this marriage being the second one for each of us. We both have pretty decent jobs, with mine being one that allows me to work from home albeit on a strictly set schedule as if I actually were in an office. I have been with my company for 15 years so I have some fairly good benefits.
That being said; aside from my reproductive issues which kept me from having children; I have a few other minor health issues which rarely have caused me any significant problems over the years, so nothing that has affected my job, my relationships, or my abilities in general. I have mild asthma, hypothyroidism, ocassional migraines triggered by certain smells and good ‘ol AF, am lactose intolerant to a pretty good degree, and also have chronic sinus issues which are very annyoing. These issues are nothing I can’t handle or which are any kind of burden on anyone else, and I always manage them just fine. My DH knew about all of these things from the get-go as we were friends for several years before we became romantically involved, and loved me in spite of it, lol. Those things are not really the main issue, but with everything that has happened in the last couple of years they seem to have become the focus of my new MIL’s life, and her campaign against me. Let me now tell you about the things that have happened since I moved in with DH…
In April 2013 I fell and broke my leg in two places, had to get it surgically repaired, and the recovery period was about 14 weeks, with me only missing work for two of those weeks as I work from home…I worked through the majority of my recovery. In November that same year, I began having horrible pains in my stomach and couldn’t keep any food down for nearly two weeks, and come to find out my gallbladder had nearly stopped functioning so I had to have surgery to get it removed. I missed only three days of work on this one. About five months later in early April 2014 I suddenly began having pain, vomiting, and fever out of the blue and come to find out this time my appendix was about to rupture! So more surgery. (Surgeon told me the appendix should’ve been removed along with gallbladder months earlier…ugh!). I recovered just fine from the appendectomy and only missed five days of work this time, and was confident my health woes were over and done with. My (at the time future) Mother-In-Law began making snarky, hateful comments during the time I was recovering from the appendectomy, and began telling my DH and the rest of their family that I was “apparently being punished by a higher power for shacking up with” him and that maybe I should see if I could move back into my old apartment building!
This was just the beginning of the proverbial shit hitting the fan…
I managed to stay fairly healthy for a grand total of six months after the appendectomy, and then in early October 2014 I ended up getting a HORRIBLE case of shingles and was completely sidelined for nearly five weeks with blinding pain and a gigantic rash covering the left side of my upper torso. I was out of work on medical leave for nearly the entire time I suffered with this, and it was while all of this was going on that I was also trying to plan our small New Year’s Eve wedding. My Mother-In-Law started doing everything in her power to talk DH out of marrying me after this, telling him that I was “apparently a very sickly person and had been trying to hide that from” him in order to “trap” him into marrying me so he could help “foot the expenses” for my “numerous medical concerns”. DH told her then in no uncertain terms that he was marrying me because he LOVED me, and that everyone goes through periods of illness/bad luck in their lives and that she needed to just back off. She was pissed and ended up pouting like a 2 year-old during our wedding ceremony and reception, and her parting words to me before she left the reception; in private where no one else could hear her; were “I’ve got my eye on you and if you keep up with all these illnesses in order to take advantage of (DH) you’ll wish you were REALLY sick enough to just die already!”
She has since trashed me to my DH and their entire family at every opportunity; calling me a “walking M.A.S.H. unit”, “Typhoid Mary reborn”, “Sickie Vickie”, and “the hypochondriac from hell” among other things. She compares me all the time to an ex-GF of DH’s who is still a friend of their family (much to my chagrin) and who still openly has feelings for him despite the fact that they were only involved with one another in a FWB-type situation that ended a year or so before he and I began dating. He ended it because she developed feelings he didn’t share, and they had made a pact to this effect beforehand as an “out” for either of them. Anyway; those details aside; my Mother-In-Law always has a comment to make about my health anytime I’m around her, and if I so much as sneeze or fart she goes off on a rant about “Sickie Vickie is at it again!” At Saturday brunch three weeks ago I had a LITERAL hangnail on my pinkie and asked her if I could borrow her manicure set for a minute to take care of it, and she went off on a 15 minute spiel about how something is “always wrong” with me and that if I were really in that bad of shape I should just “go check into a nursing home and be done with it.”…over an effing HANGNAIL!
But it gets even worse, and now I’m starting to get really concerned for my marriage.
As I mentioned above I’m CF due to reproductive issues, but a few weeks ago I realized I had missed my period; which has never happened except when I was pregnant with the 4 babies I miscarried before 8 weeks; so I was both terrified and hopeful that I was pregnant and that this one would actually stick. DH was also a bit excited because even though he had been CFBC earlier in life he had finally decided he was at the point where he could be a good dad should we get pregnant and it stick. Long story short, after peeing on about 30 different sticks and seeing my doctor for testing I am NOT pregnant but instead have two huge fibroids inside my uterus and a cyst the size of a lemon on one of my ovaries which is causing my pregnancy symptoms…and you guessed it, I need surgery!
Once my Mother-In-Law found out about this she went ballistic on both me and DH, pretty much demanded that he divorce me before I “bankrupt” him with these surgeries, and has trashed me yet again to their entire family. The bad thing is, after this DH began acting withdrawn, moody, and thoughtful, and has visibly pulled away from me. He also has gone to visit his mother at least twice over the last few days and refuses to talk to me about what’s going on, so I am terrified. Has she influenced him enough to leave me? Please help!!!