(Closed) MIL problems

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think your autocorrect is going a little crazy.

If I’m getting this correct, it seems like he moved out, and now when he comes back he helps himself to her fridge and pantry and she doesn’t like that.  He says that you guys help her out with a lot of things so he feels entitled to take things from her fridge (who doesn’t feel at home in the house they grew up in?).

It sounds like a bad situation; do you have any more info about why she’s so upset with her son?  It’s possible she blames you for any perceived changes in her son, and if so, she would be particulaly mean to you.  It sounds like you have your FI’s support and that’s really good.  But it also sounds like she won’t change anytime soon and you can’t force her to.  You can be as sweet as honey to her (and it sounds like you are being sweet!) but she will still behave this way.

My Future Mother-In-Law gave me a piece of advice for dealing with people who are making things more difficult than they should be; treat the situation as if they cannot ever change.  Like it is so sad that they cannot make things simpler.  It is so sad that she is incapable of seeing reality and only sees things through a twisted lens; that is so sad for her.  It is really unfortunate that she cannot understand what is really going on, but she can’t help it and it really is too bad.  Because honestly?  She’s the one who is missing out.  She is the one who is miserable.  Yes, it’s affecting you, I am in no way trying to trivialize that, but think about how unhappy she must be to purposely misinterpret every nice thing you do.  Who wants to live like that?  

If she refuses to change, I suggest treating her comments the way you would treat a crazy person who yells at you for not appreciating that the grass is made out of cheese.  Smile, nod, and realize that she is not living in reality and you’ll get yourself hurt if you expect her to.

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