(Closed) MIL Problems! Vent!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My Fiance was scheduled for a job interview in CA this January, for Christmas – his mum gave us a picnic basket, arranged a sad face when we opened it and said “Let’s just hope you don’t get that job… because it’s not as you will bring it with you if you move to the states”…

THIS WAS HIS DREAM JOB!

Unfortunately, he didn’t get it this time (they recommended him to apply again next year) and we were both very sad about it. Future Mother-In-Law “From a selfish viewpoint I’m so happy that I can keep you close a little longer”.

Sigh.

Post # 5
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

You might want to read “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It’s a Christian book, but the premise should work whether you are Christian or not. And maybe give the in-laws a copy. But be careful with that.

Post # 6
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@missjewels: My Fiance is on the same side as me as well – I honestly would have walked out from it otherwise!

Post # 7
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My Mother-In-Law doesn’t understand why we don’t want to see her every weekend either.  She is lonely, which I sympathize with, but I have a full time and rather exhausting job.  I need some weekends to myself.  She is getting better though.  She seems to be slowly figuring out that we can’t take responsibility for her social life.  It’s tough.

Post # 8
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ugh. I dated a family like that, once. It was MISERABLE. Just get as far away as possible.

I’m lucky… Fiance was living 7.5 hours away from his family when we met! But if they lived 15 mins down the road… I think it would be a much harder relationship.

Post # 9
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

John Cloud and Henry Townsend write some amazing stuff!

I’m a MOB with 4 grown kids and a 17yo son. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

I will admit though, I learned the most about boundaries by reading wedding boards over the years.  I think I am a pretty good Mother-In-Law because I never stop over unannounced, I don’t demand their presence on holidays, and I follow all their rules with their kids.  Oh, and I don’t ask for much of their time on weekends at all.

If you make yourself easy to be around you are welcomed into your children’s lives.  If you are a PITA you will be treated like a PITA.  No rocket science there.

OP and eocenia – MOVE and put some distance between you guys and the Mother-In-Law.  I had the best 2 MIL’s EVER.  Seriously.  They both rocked and I couldn’t have been more blessed to  have them in my life.

Your MIL’s don’t understand boundaries so I would create some asap.  I hear oceans work well…Wink

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