MIL religious views and my baby

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
9388 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Personally I just wouldn’t tell her beforehand.

We told our parents we would call when things were “getting close”, and then whoops, things just went so quickly we forgot! (haha) No one cared and we got our couple of hours without visitors bugging us after the birth. It was great.

I do think your Darling Husband should tell his mother about his changed religous views though. That is only going to open a whole can of worms once you have a baby here.

Post # 32
Member
9157 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

Darling Husband and I were in a parking lot getting our son (5 months at the time) out of the car when a grandmotherly type women rushed over to us and asked to take a peak at the baby.

sure we said.  we didn’t think any harm would come of it.  maybe seeing a peaceful baby would make her day.

then she put her had over him (not on him) and started praying for him to be a strong man, etc etc.   not our thing but if this makes her feel better, it doesn’t hurt us.

then she started praying to jesus.  we are jewish.  and while this doesn’t hurt us in anyway it was beginning to take more time that we thought and we wanted to go on with our day.

so we said thank you for your prayers and to have a wonderful day.

tell your Mother-In-Law or not that you are going into labor.  but having her church group pray for you doesn’t harm anyone.  they are all in another country anyway so it is not like all those women will be rushing to the hospital.  i would let it go.

Post # 33
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your Mother-In-Law is going to tell her ladies you’re in labor regardless.  Nothing wrong with these ladies knowing.  Who cares.  You barely know them or see them.  If they want to pray for your baby, again who cares.  It’s not going to hurt Anything.

I would make one firm stipulation though!!  That you do not want these ladies at the hospital at any time.  Not as a prayer circle or as visitors.  Be very firm with her on that.

But as far as them getting together in church to pray?  Who cares.   Plus just ask her not to tell you about it.

Post # 35
Member
8259 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

1_year_in :  

Now praying for a boy would seriously get to me . That is totally unacceptable and I would have to tell her so and in person if I thought husband might  not be forceful enough.

The very idea, praying not to have a lovely daughter!  Some Christian !

Post # 37
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

1_year_in :  I think she just means the best. I understand why you don’t want people to know but she is probably just a big believer in the power of prayer. Just tell her that for privacy reasons you prefer only immediate family to know and she can share all she wants when the baby is safely delivered. Best to you!

Post # 38
Member
1191 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I’m a life-long atheist (was never baptized, etc), and it doesn’t bother me at all when people say they’ll pray for me, for whatever reason. I think it’s sweet. It’s basically exactly the same as someone wishing you good luck… in reality it doesn’t do squat for you, but it’s a nice thought! Haha. You can tell your MIL their prayers are appreciated, but that you’d rather have only immediate family aware you’re in labor at first. 

As far as I know, prayers aren’t time sensitive. They can pray for you to have a safe labor and delivery any time.

 

ETA – Wow, just read on about what a head case she is. My advice is still the same, but I’m glad your man has learned to stand up to her!

Post # 39
Member
554 posts
Busy bee

You don’t like the fact that you need prayer?  Sorry, but you sound incredibly disrespectful of those people’s beliefs, in that you can’t just appreciate that it is actually something kind.  You should THANK them, instead of being a jerk about it and getting “offended”.  I mean, wow.

Post # 40
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

My Fiance and I are both atheists, but neither of us have told our families bc we simply don’t want to open that can of worms. However, when someone says “I’ll pray for you” I actually feel very grateful. To a religious person, prayer to the god they believe in is one of the most powerful things in the universe, that is literally their belief. It’s touching to me that someone would try to invoke the help of someone they believe to be so powerful. To many Christians “I’ll pray for you” is the most caring and genuinely kind thing they know to offer someone. Of course if you don’t want the church ladies knowing, that’s your prerogative, just showing you my perspective on why I wouldn’t be offended at someone praying for a safe and pain free delivery.

Post # 41
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think in your case I’d just let it go. Before I realized you were intending to tell Mother-In-Law as part of the immediate family, I was thinking I’d just say thank you and then conveniently forget to let her know until afterwards. However, since you do want to inform Mother-In-Law and you don’t actually know these ladies or anything, I think it would be easier and less awkward for everyone if you just let this one slide. 

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