Post # 31
Personally I just wouldn’t tell her beforehand.
We told our parents we would call when things were “getting close”, and then whoops, things just went so quickly we forgot! (haha) No one cared and we got our couple of hours without visitors bugging us after the birth. It was great.
I do think your Darling Husband should tell his mother about his changed religous views though. That is only going to open a whole can of worms once you have a baby here.
Post # 32
Darling Husband and I were in a parking lot getting our son (5 months at the time) out of the car when a grandmotherly type women rushed over to us and asked to take a peak at the baby.
sure we said. we didn’t think any harm would come of it. maybe seeing a peaceful baby would make her day.
then she put her had over him (not on him) and started praying for him to be a strong man, etc etc. not our thing but if this makes her feel better, it doesn’t hurt us.
then she started praying to jesus. we are jewish. and while this doesn’t hurt us in anyway it was beginning to take more time that we thought and we wanted to go on with our day.
so we said thank you for your prayers and to have a wonderful day.
tell your Mother-In-Law or not that you are going into labor. but having her church group pray for you doesn’t harm anyone. they are all in another country anyway so it is not like all those women will be rushing to the hospital. i would let it go.
Post # 33
Your Mother-In-Law is going to tell her ladies you’re in labor regardless. Nothing wrong with these ladies knowing. Who cares. You barely know them or see them. If they want to pray for your baby, again who cares. It’s not going to hurt Anything.
I would make one firm stipulation though!! That you do not want these ladies at the hospital at any time. Not as a prayer circle or as visitors. Be very firm with her on that.
But as far as them getting together in church to pray? Who cares. Plus just ask her not to tell you about it.
Post # 34
Thanks everyone for your input. I decided that I would go with option 2 and thank her but ask her not to share with anyone when I’m in labour as it’s a private and personal moment for us. I felt that regardless of who these ladies are, if I didn’t express my preference to her, she might take that as an invitation to tell anyone she likes. She responded nicely and said she will honour my wish.
I probably will only tell my mom when I go into labour though and she has agreed to keep it to herself unless we ask her to let the rest of the family know. If we don’t end up letting my Mother-In-Law know and she asks why, I’ll just say we didn’t get to it.
Today I received a second email from dear Mother-In-Law, saying she was praying for a baby boy – we don’t know the gender and have no preference so this absolutely infuriated me that she thinks it’s her place to pray for a certain gender! She went on to list some illnesses she is praying the baby doesn’t have and that just about did it for me. Have now left this in my husband’s hands because there is obviously something deeper going on with her here and not just a kind hearted intention and I am tired of being on the receiving end.
Post # 35
Now praying for a boy would seriously get to me . That is totally unacceptable and I would have to tell her so and in person if I thought husband might not be forceful enough.
The very idea, praying not to have a lovely daughter! Some Christian !
Post # 36
elderbee : Don’t even get me started! My husband called her last night to confront her (big step for him because in his family they avoid conflict and tip toe around issues). She couldn’t answer any of his questions, she didn’t see what she had done wrong. He told her that this is such an exciting time for us and he can’t understand why she is bringing up all these negative things just before my due date. She even said she’s praying our baby won’t suffer anxiety or depression, which my husband has suffered with completely due to his upbringing and her poor choices. He asked her why she is even thinking of such things for a baby that isn’t even born yet and she said she felt it’s her duty as a grandmother to pray for these things, then just started crying and saying she’s sorry. He kept insisting she explain what right she has to pray for a boy and why she doesn’t want us to have a girl, she just said ‘I’m sorry what more do you want, just leave it now’. She is not used to him confronting her so she was caught out and didn’t know what to say. He asked her to stop sending us morbid and depressing prayer emails, which is a once a month thing and the only communication we ever receive from her.
My husband said he feels so relieved to have confronted her for once, so proud of him because it took a lot for him to do that and he so often gets walked all over by his mom, she is very manipulative and meddles constantly to make things go the way she wants. She clearly needs help. Considering her emotionally unstable state I can move past her prayers against all these other issues, but her prayer for a boy has significantly changed my relationship with her unfortunately.
Post # 37
1_year_in : I think she just means the best. I understand why you don’t want people to know but she is probably just a big believer in the power of prayer. Just tell her that for privacy reasons you prefer only immediate family to know and she can share all she wants when the baby is safely delivered. Best to you!
Post # 38
I’m a life-long atheist (was never baptized, etc), and it doesn’t bother me at all when people say they’ll pray for me, for whatever reason. I think it’s sweet. It’s basically exactly the same as someone wishing you good luck… in reality it doesn’t do squat for you, but it’s a nice thought! Haha. You can tell your MIL their prayers are appreciated, but that you’d rather have only immediate family aware you’re in labor at first.
As far as I know, prayers aren’t time sensitive. They can pray for you to have a safe labor and delivery any time.
ETA – Wow, just read on about what a head case she is. My advice is still the same, but I’m glad your man has learned to stand up to her!
Post # 39
You don’t like the fact that you need prayer? Sorry, but you sound incredibly disrespectful of those people’s beliefs, in that you can’t just appreciate that it is actually something kind. You should THANK them, instead of being a jerk about it and getting “offended”. I mean, wow.
Post # 40
My Fiance and I are both atheists, but neither of us have told our families bc we simply don’t want to open that can of worms. However, when someone says “I’ll pray for you” I actually feel very grateful. To a religious person, prayer to the god they believe in is one of the most powerful things in the universe, that is literally their belief. It’s touching to me that someone would try to invoke the help of someone they believe to be so powerful. To many Christians “I’ll pray for you” is the most caring and genuinely kind thing they know to offer someone. Of course if you don’t want the church ladies knowing, that’s your prerogative, just showing you my perspective on why I wouldn’t be offended at someone praying for a safe and pain free delivery.
Post # 41
I think in your case I’d just let it go. Before I realized you were intending to tell Mother-In-Law as part of the immediate family, I was thinking I’d just say thank you and then conveniently forget to let her know until afterwards. However, since you do want to inform Mother-In-Law and you don’t actually know these ladies or anything, I think it would be easier and less awkward for everyone if you just let this one slide.