(Closed) MIL says "How is Our Baby?" to Grandchild

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 30
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My Mother-In-Law tried to pat my stomach and talk to it as well…I pushed her away.  I don’t really care if she’s the grandmother, I’m not into it so don’t do it.  Same with coworkers or anybody other than my husband.

Post # 31
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

TwinkleBoss:  I do that with my SIL children, I’ve always refered to them as “my baby”. I’d hate to think she’s harboring resentment towards me.

Minimalist:  That was always my thought.

Post # 32
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you are overreacting. Let her be excited. I would need to know more about your history with her to think otherwise. Remember, this is her son’s child. The baby is part of her family. 

Post # 34
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 1989

Miss Mochaccino:  

I’m a first time Granny and I refer to myself as that when talking about our baby now recently just had another grand daughter. My DIL and I are very close but I do believe you are over reacting be very grateful that she is excited and will prove a wonderful contribution to you and your hubby believe me you will need her lol 

Enjoy this wonderful blessing together, Congratulations! 

Post # 35
367 posts
Helper bee

Miss Mochaccino:  Everything you have written would bug the crap out of me. I don’t have any advice, but I just wanted to say I think your feelings are vaild. I hate intrusive people and being pregnant has made everyone think they have the right to intrude on EVERYTHING! An aunt our family sounds a lot like your Mother-In-Law and I finally just started speaking up. I let her walk all over me at Thanksgiving (she’s all high and mighty and opininated) but at Christmas, I just told her to back off and that we would not be doing anything she mentioned she wanted us to do – bare belly pics, any belly pics on Facebook, constant updates on what is going on, letting them touch my belly, my husband giving me foot rubs, etc – because I despise every single one of them. If you’re not comfortable with it, you don’t have to allow it.

Post # 36
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

We are not even married yet and this kinda stuff has being weighing on my mind, i cannot stand my FI’s family, they are horrible people that think they have a right to interfere with things in my home without asking, they especially do it when I am at work, and my Fiance never notices. They act ridiculous with my dogs and I don’t want them near me or our baby, when we do start trying, I’m going to have a frank discussion with my Fiance, so far for the sake of him i have gritted my teeth and gotten through visits. They are just horrible, dirty, lazy people. I think past issues can make us resent them and then everything they do after that is incorrect and over bearing, as hard as it is, they are family too now and we have to live with them 🙁 I’d just say try and set some boundaries.

Post # 37
11746 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

considering you have had boundary issues with her in te past, I don’t think you’re overreacting. It’s essential to remain consistent with your boundaries when dealing with people like this. It’s hard for outsiders who haven’t been through a relationship like this to understand. Do your best to keep the peace and acknowledge her excitement without sacrificing your boundaries.

Post # 38
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Oh, good lord.  I have heard people refer to their grandchildren as their “Grandbabies”.  That child is her grandchild, grandbaby, whatever the hell she wants to call it.  You should be grateful that she loves that kid and wants to be in that kid’s life.  I know people who grew up without grandparents and/or grandparents were not part of their lives for whatever reason, and it really made an impact on them.  Be grateful that she’s there for that kid and let her be happy.  <br /><br />I hope you remember this when your kid has a kid and you’re all gaga over it, calling it your baby.  Because, you know what?  That’s how you should feel as a grandparent … happy about your grandchildren.  Cut the woman some slack, already, and let her enjoy the kid. 

Remember — your kid, to your Mother-In-Law, is an  extension of her son.   

Post # 39
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

As they sing in Frozen “Let it Go”.  She is excited and I personally would be thrilled to have my LO have so much love waiting for it when it arrives.  I know my Mother-In-Law and she will not even see our LO until it is big enough to talk let along be someone my child can rely on.  At least my family will be there for my kids.  Children really do take a village to raise.  Be grateful and embrace the love that your child will have outside of it’s immediate family.

Post # 40
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

FYI my mother is a really wonderful grandmother.  She calls my sister’s kids “her babies” and they do the whole “I’m telling Grandma” thing to my sister.  It is cute and it shows they have a close bound with our mother.  I as a child was never so cluse to my grandparents.  I can’t wait to have kids knowing they will have that type of relationship in their life that I never experienced.  

Post # 41
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If I put myself in your shoes and think of my Mother-In-Law doing the things you describe, it doesn’t bother me. I would be happy that she was so welcoming and excited about her grandchild. 

Post # 42
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think it really depends what the issues are that you already have. If you had a good relationship its nothing as you don’t its obviously something. Me and my Future Mother-In-Law can’t stand each other and when i have a child if she tried any of that (which she wont as Fiance and i don’t talk to her) i would probably punch her as she would be doing it to be an utter bitch! I could imagine her saying our baby and for her it would be implying she should have the baby not me as she’s tried to take Fiance brothers kids when they were babies. So back story is important! If the issues you have had are bad i see why you are concerned. 

Post # 43
555 posts
Busy bee

Ugh, I can relate to you a lot although I am not pregnant, nor have a child. But I KNOW that my extremely overbearing Mother-In-Law will be just like that! I personally think it’s creepy to say “our baby”. Did she participate in the production of the baby? Nope. It’s yours and your husband’s. And the “putting my foot down” comment would piss me off too. As a mother I would think “who does she think she is?” It’s not her child, nor does she have any say in how to raise and what to call it etc. I don’t think you are overreacting, it seems like this is a personality trait of her’s (being bossy and entitled) and you don’t need to take this behavior from her, you’re an adult. good luck 

Post # 45
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think you’re overreacting. She’s overstepping boundaries, and while these all may seem like small examples, they A) add up to kind of a big annoyance, and B) can lead to bigger oversteps on her part in the future. I would be really annoyed if my Mother-In-Law had that kind of reaction to a silly nickname on a Christmas card, or if she said, “But I’m the granny!” in objection to any preference or rule I was trying to enforce. I worry that once the baby’s born, she’s going to ignore your wishes and do whatever SHE thinks is right for the baby. Again, this could range from just a minor annoyance to something that’s a bigger deal. 

We had kind of a similar situation with my Mother-In-Law when I was pregnant with my first child. She was trying to dictate to us what we could and could not name the child, and she was also pressuring us to find out the sex. My husband had to speak to her and tell her that we are the parents, we’re making the decisions, etc. He did it very kindly, of course — because I do think all of this stuff does come from a place of love, albeit somewhat misguided — and that did the trick. She’s more respectful now. 

Hope things get better for you on this front, and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. I’m also due in April (with #2)… we are getting close!

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