(Closed) MIL says "How is Our Baby?" to Grandchild

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 46
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My SIL used to say “how is my baby?” When I was pregnant and it used kinda made me feel weird and in my head I would be like “it’s my baby!” But really it was just hormones. She didn’t mean it any other way and now that my boy is here she still says “how is my boy?” I now find it cute! I think you might be overthinking this. She is just excited. That’s all 🙂 

Post # 47
2487 posts
Buzzing bee

Not a grandmother yet, but I’d NEVER touch someone’s pregnant stomach unless invited to do so. I can’t see anything too wrong about the talk part. 

Calling the baby sweet names was the nicest thing my Mother-In-Law ever did. I think she thought I had nothing to do with getting him here at all. That was OK with me.

Post # 48
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Miss Mochaccino:  I don’t think you are over reacting at all!  Keep your guard up!  Your DH’s family sounds very challenging!

Post # 49
203 posts
Helper bee

I just have to say that I do understand how it would bother you when Mother-In-Law says “our” baby. My Mother-In-Law has been constantly doing this and I can definitely attribute part of my irritation to my hormones, but it’s not necessarily an exaggeration to feel this way. I do agree that if you aren’t close to your Mother-In-Law or have a great relationship with her, then it would be much more of an irritation. In my case my Mother-In-Law is a very sweet, good-hearted person, but we have never been super close. We have very different personalities  – I’m much more laid back and she gets excited about every little thing and tends to gush and gush over anything. I get annoyed with her saying “our” baby because she makes it a point to emphasize the “our” part. Any time she refers to the baby she inserts the “our” in – whether in a greeting card or verbally or in a text message. The thing that bothers me about it is that she is making it about herself, which is something she tends to do a lot. For example, when we bought our house she started making plans to purchase a house herself as well (never happened), when we got married she had plans to coordinate with a bunch of her sisters and nieces to all wear the same style/color dress for the wedding as a sort of sub-bridal party (we had to specifically tell her not to go through with this), and when I got pregnant she immediately started making plans to host a baby shower that would be exclusive to her family and friends and insisted on buying the crib and publicizing it by printing a big framed picture of it saying that she purchased it and putting on center display at the shower so everyone would know about it. Her intentions are good, but her delivery is off. It just comes off as being about her. On the contrary my mom also threw us a baby shower, but she left it up to us as to how we wanted to have the shower, she gave us money so that we could purchase what we needed and did not make a big, public to-do about it. She is also going to come over a couple weeks before my due date to help me clean and prep the house for baby and will be staying with us after baby is born to help me out – so the point is that when my mom steps in she does so in a way that is not about her. When I told my husband about my mom coming to stay with us to help, immediately he said “how are we going to break the news to my mom?”. Really?? Why would this bother her? Because again, she makes it all about her. So yes, her saying “our baby” is annoying to me. I’m so ready to correct her next time she does it and just say, “Oh, you mean, YOUR grandbaby?”. 

Oh, and she totally goes to pat my stomach every time she sees me. It is super awkward and I just want to slap her hand away. I’m one of those people that does not appreciate this while being pregnant, and I get that again, her intentions are good, but at least ask before you do it.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  user75913.
Post # 50
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

LOL – well, I’ll admit that I’m guilty of calling my granddaughter “my baby.”  And yes, I know it annoys my daughter.  But honestly, I don’t really care.  I love that baby — who is actually 2.5 years old now and really not a baby anymore — more than I love anyone else in the world (and yes, my Fiance and daugther both pretty much know that – lol), and I would do anything for her.  

I am a very activelly involved “Mimi” — they live just a few miles away.  I babysit at least twice a week, I pay for a decent percentage of my granddaughter’s food and clothes, and my daughter (a single mother) very much depends on me to help her out financially and emotionally.  If it means that she has to roll her eyes when I call my granddaughter “my baby” or “my girl,” she’ll get over it.

Post # 51
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2005

I don’t think the “How’s our baby doing” is a bad thing.  I think it’s important for kids to grow up in a community of people that care for them and honestly she just sounds super excited. The “put the foot down comment” is a bit eye rolling but again the choice is always up to you, she can put her foot down all she wants, it doesn’t mean it’ll stick or that you’ll pay attention.  It can be really easy to get put out by some comments people make, especially with the hormomes flying in your face 24/7, so try not to stress out too much or read too much into it.  Hang in there momma!

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