MIL Sent STDs with Venue We didnt pick

posted 1 week ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
1216 posts
Bumble bee

I would contact everyone personally and say that the venue info is incorrect, it will be located in this general area and future details will follow later.

And then I would take this as a lesson learned and do everything else yourself. I would not put up with that passive aggressive bullshit. What she did was unacceptable 

Post # 17
Member
1700 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

i would try and reach out to as many people as you can just to be on the safe side, or if a lot of your guest list is connected via social media, maybe make an announcement there and tag people in it. She definitely overstepped, and i would be livid if this happened to me. I also wouldnt leave her in charge of anything else wedding related at this point. 

Post # 18
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee

God help you if you want kids.  She’ll probably “helpfully” send out a birth announcement… with the baby-name SHE wants, not the name you’ve actually chosen.  

Post # 19
Member
8923 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would totally post on facebook or wherever you have the most social media connections, and say that the venue was written incorrectly and is actually at X location. What a bitch. I wouldn’t tell her a thing from here on out.

Post # 21
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t let her get away with this. I would be furious if I were you guys and do anything I had to do to make it so she didn’t get her way. you’ve got a major boundary stomper in law on your hands, so you better get used to shutting her down, not involving her in decisions now before she thinks she can get away with it later on. 

Your guests won’t care the location changed. Send out a correction email as an FYI if you feel like you need to, then tell them the location will be in the official invite. 

 

jessicabee1234 :  

Post # 22
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“I’m sure you had quite the confrontation, but what you need to do now is stop the information train. She gets no more details on ANYTHING.”

I agree. Confrontation with these kinds of people will usually fuel the fire and not serve you. Unless she is so toxic that you mean to cut her out of your lives, this is someone who you will likely have to deal with for a very long time. Honestly, rage filled confrontations may be her thing, so I would just stop giving her information and plan your wedding according to your own wishes and just be non-commital in your responses to her quesitons. When push comes to shove, be kind to her, but firm and don’t engage on her terms

Mother-In-Law: I insist that you get married in the church we talked about. I would die of embarrassment if you changed it. Is that what you want?

You: (or better yet, your FI): I’m sorry you feel that way.

Mother-In-Law: So you’re picking the church?

You: No, we’ve decided on another location

Mother-In-Law: Then I won’t be attending

You: Oh that would be a shame. It wouldn’t the same without you.

Mother-In-Law: Then you’ll change the location

You: Sorry we can’t do that. Phyllis, I have to run now. I’ll catch up with you later.

Post # 23
Member
2449 posts
Buzzing bee

Westwood :  not appropriate unless she is inviting every person she has friended. 

Post # 24
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

jessicabee1234 :  I have never gotten a save-the-date with an actual venue on it.  It always just says the date and the city/town.  Your Mother-In-Law is being manipulative here.  Choose the venue you want and pay for/send your own invites.  Don’t take any more money from her, and don’t let her help with anything.  She can’t be trusted to respect your wishes.

Post # 25
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

If she already did this to you she might try to send out her own invitations without your knowledge with ALLLL the incorrect info. So be diligent and wary! Maybe let as many guests as possible know in advance of YOUR choice so if they end up receiving two different invitations or conflicting information they will know what the real deal is.

Post # 26
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK

What’s rude is Mother-In-Law trying to strong-arm you into going with her venue by doing this without your ok. Save-The-Date Cards usually (I think) only list the the general wheres and whens; mine only listed the date and the city. 

I would definately go ahead with the venue YOU choose. As long as it’s not crazy far from where everyone thinks it’s going to be, it shouldn’t be a problem. 

Post # 27
Member
2668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Go ahead and change the venue.  Also, as you book vendors, set up a password with ALL of them.  If anyone calls them up to make changes, they need to give the correct password (make it something your Mother-In-Law will never guess). Believe me, it won’t be the first time they’ve come across crazy relatives. Definite info diet for her from now on. 

Post # 28
Member
5312 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I admire your restraint in not sharing the dirt on your confrontation with your Future Mother-In-Law (though I’d be all over that post for the dirt!). But I’m also glad that it sounds like you both made it very clear to her that she overstepped and was out of line.

As other have said, I think this shows that she needs to have her access to information and power majorly restricted as it relates to you, your Fiance, and anything the two of you are doing unless/until she can show she has learned her lesson and will be respectful of your choices in the future.

And it sounds like your wedding location hasn’t changed significantly (still same locale) so it should be pretty easy to correct everyone with the invites. You may want to find a way to emphasize the updated venue, though- particularly for her guests- because some people may have read her wrong location and then set that in their minds and they won’t read the invitations as thoroughly.

Post # 29
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2020

Agreed you can change the venue; particularly if its in the same town as it shouldn’t make any difference to your guests’ travel arrangements. I also agree that Save-The-Date Cards don’t normally list the venue, just the town and date – the ones I sent for my wedding only had that on, and I am having a destination wedding where I booked the actual venue 2 years out. We had the venue confirmed and deposit paid at the time I sent the Save-The-Date Cards, but I just didn’t want everyone googling the venue itself when the wedding was so far away anyway so left those details off.

Post # 30
Member
1225 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

drabbee :  this. If she’s going to tell people the wrong location in the save the dates I wouldn’t put it past her to send out invitations with the wrong info. 

Im petty AF and would totally send out Save-The-Date Cards with the correct location and tell everyone hers were a mistake/ she didn’t have the correct info and make her look foolish AF for sending out ones with the wrong info.

You need to stop the info train and communicate to her that not only was this inappropriate but it is not acceptable and any more sabotage going forward will not be tolerated. 

This is your wedding, not her do over wedding and certainly not something for her to manipulate.  

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