- 7 years ago
I apologize that this is really long, but I don’t know what to do, or who to turn to for advice and wanted to give you all some background.
To put it nicely I do not care for my ILs. I think Mother-In-Law is phony, always the victim, shrew and I’ve never trusted either of them. Everything was all nicey nice until I spoke my mind about something Mother-In-Law did to me to Darling Husband. THIS WAS ALMOST 2 YEARS AGO. He went back and confronted his mother about it and apparently, after her reaction, no one confronts mommy dearest or speaks their mind. I was raised very differently, I have no problem standing up for myself, I’m independent and I’m not going to play dead if something bothers me. I think this don’t sit well with “the family” whom also don’t seem to like having outside relationships, it’s pretty creepy. There was a ton of crap done by “the family” during my wedding planning and after my wedding I pretty much distanced myself. I would go over their house for the holidays, b-days, I was always civil, never spoke back to them about the crap that spilled from their mouth, gave gifts, all while seeing them only when I had to. Darling Husband would go visit them without me, again I do not see the problem with this and he was not being kept from them. I also never had a close relationship with the In-Laws or even really spoke with them outside of seeing each other before we got married anyway so what was going to change.
So, a few months back Darling Husband and I had an issue and he ran back to mommy and daddy’s house, yes I realized he was a momma’s boy. His parents decided to become involved with our marriage issue, even going so far as calling up my family and insisting that the entire family have a “sit down” lol. My family flat out told them no, they would not get involved in our personal marriage issues. The issue was not even about Mother-In-Law, but she made it about her. Anyway, mommy pushed herself on the phone with me, whining and I finally confronted her on things she had done in the past which offended me, all which she denied, of course. I’ve found out that “lying” is the way to handle things in their “perfect” family. I told her to please stop talking over me and instead she got louder and louder to the point that I had to end the call with her. I told her “You are yelling over me. I am going to have to hang up.” and I did just that. I proceeded to call her back and ask her if she wanted to speak again like adults, she agreed, but did the same thing again, only getting louder this time. I was 7 months pregnant at the time. I mean this is how you speak to your pregnant DIL who is carrying your grandchild? Nice way to put someone under stress. I had to end the call again and that was the last I spoke to her.
My mother had started planning my baby shower and I told her I did not want my Mother-In-Law there since I was still pissed over what happened. My mother did not want to keep the fire going nor disrespect his side of the family since this child will be related to them also, so she said she would invite her and family from his side. My Mother-In-Law apologized to my mother, not me, for yelling, then said how she feels so awkward going and that she wanted to make sure I was not going to confront her at the party. Well of course, she’s all about her fake appearance that she’s the sugary sweet, soft spoke Mother-In-Law, to her extended family. Well, I wasn’t going to let her RUIN a joyous event for my unborn child and I figured she would behave herself at the party.
The day of my shower I walk in and everyone says surprise, is smiling, happy, I greet everyone from both sides and I walk over to my Father-In-Law who is standing next to my Mother-In-Law. MIL immediately made a face very obviously and turned her body so her back is to me like I wasn’t there. I said hello to Father-In-Law and kept walking. I mean who does that? My mother, my friend, EVERYONE saw her do this too. Anyway, for the rest of the shower she said not one word to me and I didn’t go by her. I wanted to go over and tell her that since she clearly didn’t want to be there she could leave but since I think she behaved like this WAITING for me to start with her, WANTING ATTENTION, I sat with my side of the family and my friend, even talked to MIL’s sister, and had a great time. Mother-In-Law sat there the ENTIRE night talking in her friends’ ear who then stared at me. I stared right back at her friend. I felt like I was at a high school lunch table. I mean what 60 year old crow acts like this? The best was when I opened up my gifts she sat with half her body turned from me with a puss on her face shaking her leg. It was priceless. Someone even commented “wow she’s miserable.”
When the party was over my Father-In-Law came back to my house to drop off gifts where he decided to confront me, mind you I am weeks away from my due date, IN MY OWN HOUSE about “What am I going to do about the family being divided?” I informed him that his wife based on how she acted during the day, seemed to still want to cause drama. He DENIED to my face that Mother-In-Law ever turned her back to me and ignored me and then once again tried to turn it on me saying “I snubbed them.” Darling Husband then got involved and Father-In-Law told my ball less husband “Oh, I know you are heated, why don’t you come back to our house.” Well, of course they want my husband back at home with them. He then started with a whole load of other accusations, pretty much grabbing at straws. The best quote from him was “Our family was representing at the shower, where was yours?” I mean who says this? Oh yes, his side had 6 more people then my side and I come from a small family. After about 10 minutes of lies, I ended up asking him to leave my house, he wouldn’t and I wound up calling my family, I SHOULD HAVE NOT DONE THIS I KNOW, but I wanted someone there to witness this crap. I thought I was going to physically push him out of my door or call the cops
My mother came over and magically all the “accusations” stopped. Mother-In-Law then denied until she was blue in the face that she turned and made the face when she saw me. My mother called her out on it as well saying she was standing right behind me and saw what she did. Finally, Mother-In-Law said “Oh, well I have nothing to say about these allegations.” The two of them then started whining about how they have been left out of this entire pregnancy. Again, that was their choice to never so much as pick up the phone, send an email, anything. If they want updates they can get them from their son. What were they expecting invites to my gyno appts? They then started whining about how they want the baby to “know them”. Well of course, and how I haven’t been over to their house since the holidays for dinner. What Mother-In-Law pulled at my shower, the false accusations from Father-In-Law, that was all forgotten. They then both at the same time pretended to cry, telling Darling Husband and I that a marriage takes work, how they have been married for so long years and to please go to counseling.
Pretty much in order to get them to leave my house I just stood there shaking my head saying uhuh, ok. Mother-In-Law then started taking out baby pictures from her wallet showing them to me and my mother now trying to be nice. What the hell? It ended up with Mother-In-Law saying how all they want is have a chance to be involved with their grandchild and she wants me to go to their house for Easter dinner. It’s also FIL’s bday, so I’m going to be stuck spending his birthday with him? Darling Husband even told me how his mother is making a dish bc she knows I like that. His mother could give two craps about me, please. His parents have 0 respect for me, that is apparent and my husband doesn’t seem to be onboard with me. I’ve gotten no apology from Mother-In-Law for anything and apparently it looks like this is the way they deal with things, by doing whatever they want to whomever they want and then “pretending” it never happened. I mean after all “IT’S ALL ABOUT THE FAMILLY.” Father-In-Law likes to constantly repeat this phrase in my presence.
My mother told me that I can’t just never go over their house again, especially with the baby coming and that I am putting Darling Husband in the middle. I don’t have to like them, but I need to go over for Easter, especially since I said I would. I feel as though it would be me once again playing dead for these people who obviously have an agenda. My other friend said I schould call Mother-In-Law, decline the invite and insist we talk face to face. I DO NOT TRUST BEING ALONE WITH Mother-In-Law and I know confronting her again will get me nowhere. So do I just keep this ball rolling? What would you do and should I just forget about everything that has happened? Who is to say that this witch doesn’t pull this type of thing again at another party?