(Closed) MIL sleeps in our room :(

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
9841 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Gross. Your DH needs to handle this one and tell his mom she is overstaying her welcome.

Post # 3
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Omg.  I would be so uncomfortable.  But I think the first mistake was assuming she would stay in a hotel.  Right off the bat you should have explained that you didn’t have room.  In the future, you’ll need to be assertive and say that you just felt cramped when she stayed with you and suggest a hotel.

Post # 4
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Oh my gosh, I would NOT be ok with that.

Unfortunately, she is already there, so there is little point in bringing it up on this visit, it would just make the rest of the visit horribly awkward.

Just take steps to ensure that it doesn’t happen again in the future. When she next asks to visit, just say “sure, we would love to see you again! Last time it was awfully cramped in our apartment, it would be better if you could book a hotel this time around and then we can catch up in the day times or evenings, it will be much nicer for you to have your own space”.

Post # 5
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
Westwood :  

ITA.  MIL is totally dh’s problem.  He needs to step it up and get this insanity under control.  It sounds dreadful for OP.

Post # 7
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
stringcheese123 :   You poor thing, what a nightmare.  Isn’t there a sofa or an easy chair in another room?  

Your DH needs to tell his mother this arrangement is not acceptable and will not happen again.  Or just take her stuff to a nearby hotel when she is out shopping and leave directions and the room key taped to your door.  Ugh.  

Post # 8
Member
3607 posts
Sugar bee

Your MIL’s behavior is weird af. We live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment and our parents stay in hotels when they come to visit. My parents were originally “insulted” by that idea until I put my foot down and told them I’d be glad to host them if we had the space, but that it’s not realistic for them to stay with us until we are able to afford a bigger place. Next time your Mother-In-Law is planning a visit, your DH should clarify at the outset that she is going to stay in a hotel, and if she protests, he needs to tell her politely but firmly that you two don’t simply have space for her to stay over. If she’s angry or hurt, that’s tough, but them’s the breaks.

Post # 10
Member
7746 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I absolutely agree that you should have told her IMMEDIATELY after she told you she was staying with you that you did not have room and that she would have to get a hotel room. There isn’t much to be done now, but you can prevent it on future visits. Indeed, even if you DO have more room, I would have an excuse ready next time to make sure she doesn’t stay with you.

Post # 11
Member
3581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

This is so weird. Why is she not sleeping on the couch?? 

Go get an air mattress. Move furniture if you have to, but make it fit somewhere! Say you and your husband thought it would be more convenient for the two of you to sleep on it and she can take the bed. Hopefully she will volunteer to take the air mattress because it’s rude to kick you out of your own bed.

And if all you can fit is a twin air bed, you take that and say you’re a super light sleeper so the last few nights have been hard. Put a sleeping bag in the kitchen if you have to! I could not handle this.

As far as it happening again, I think next time she comes to visit just insist on a hotel. Make an excuse about how you’ve had insomnia or something lately if you need to.

Post # 12
Member
9841 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Can’t you at least put a blow up mattress in the living room or something?

Post # 13
Member
11381 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
stringcheese123 :  I wonder how she’d feel if ya’ll went through her stuff while she was in the shower. She might not find this arrangement so great then. Esp if you pull out a few receipts for clothing that could have paid for a hotel. 

Not suggesting you do that, though, tempting as it is. Point is this behavior is abhorrent and when you turn it around, it seems as unthinkable as it is. Weird how we justify our parents violating boundaries that we can’t imagine doing to them.

 I would have your dH put an end to this now. Don’t wait for the next visit because she doesn’t even have a ticket home yet.

she will carry on until it’s not comfortable FOR HER. So make it uncomfortable for her. 

Post # 14
Member
10557 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I think OP has a studio apartment meaning there is only one room. The living, bedroom and kitchen are all one open room with no walls.

So, she can’t sleep in another room or anything like that.

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