Post # 1
Hi! First post ever on weddingbee 😀
Mother in law living on the west coast decided to visit us for 3 days originally. We were very okay with her plan. She didn’t mention about housing so we just kind of assumed that she will be staying in a hotel. My husband and I just moved in not so long ago. We’re both finishing up our degrees so we got a little studio apartment.
Two days before her arrival when we were on the phone we asked about her hotel. That was the time she told us she will be staying with us in our apartment. It made us v uncomfortable and we hinted her that a hotel room will be more conveninet for her. We have two cats living with us, too. She refused.
So now she is camping in our apartment, every night she sleeps inches away from me and it is the most uncomfortable thing ever. She also extended her stay to a week and still havent gotten her tickets back. I liked her when I met her before but this visit is seriously freaking me out. She kept an eye on everything we’ve been doing around the house. She went through our stuff multuple times as well. I am usually an easy going person but this is really crossing my line.
This visit made me not wanting to see her again. I just dont understand how she could comfotably staying in our bedroom every single night. It’s also not about finance issues since she’s been dropping lots of $$$ for herself shopping for clothes. I just want to make sure that this won’t happen again, at least when we’re still living in a studio apartment but I have no idea how to initiate this conversation. Help please!!
Post # 2
Gross. Your DH needs to handle this one and tell his mom she is overstaying her welcome.
Post # 3
Omg. I would be so uncomfortable. But I think the first mistake was assuming she would stay in a hotel. Right off the bat you should have explained that you didn’t have room. In the future, you’ll need to be assertive and say that you just felt cramped when she stayed with you and suggest a hotel.
Post # 4
Oh my gosh, I would NOT be ok with that.
Unfortunately, she is already there, so there is little point in bringing it up on this visit, it would just make the rest of the visit horribly awkward.
Just take steps to ensure that it doesn’t happen again in the future. When she next asks to visit, just say “sure, we would love to see you again! Last time it was awfully cramped in our apartment, it would be better if you could book a hotel this time around and then we can catch up in the day times or evenings, it will be much nicer for you to have your own space”.
Post # 5
ITA. MIL is totally dh’s problem. He needs to step it up and get this insanity under control. It sounds dreadful for OP.
Post # 6
That sounds perfect thanks so much. Yeah there’s no point really bringing this up during her stay this time but I’ll definitely use those lines in the future.
Post # 7
You poor thing, what a nightmare. Isn’t there a sofa or an easy chair in another room?
Your DH needs to tell his mother this arrangement is not acceptable and will not happen again. Or just take her stuff to a nearby hotel when she is out shopping and leave directions and the room key taped to your door. Ugh.
Post # 8
Your MIL’s behavior is weird af. We live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment and our parents stay in hotels when they come to visit. My parents were originally “insulted” by that idea until I put my foot down and told them I’d be glad to host them if we had the space, but that it’s not realistic for them to stay with us until we are able to afford a bigger place. Next time your Mother-In-Law is planning a visit, your DH should clarify at the outset that she is going to stay in a hotel, and if she protests, he needs to tell her politely but firmly that you two don’t simply have space for her to stay over. If she’s angry or hurt, that’s tough, but them’s the breaks.
Post # 9
I agree with you. My husband tried to tell her days before her visit that we dont have a spare room. But my Mother-In-Law is a very assertive person and she said ” oh it doesn’t matter to me I’ll just camp in your apartment.” I guess it has to be someone telling her “you cant stay here” to make her not stay. We didn’t want the whole thing to be awkward but it seems that it has to be that way.
Post # 10
I absolutely agree that you should have told her IMMEDIATELY after she told you she was staying with you that you did not have room and that she would have to get a hotel room. There isn’t much to be done now, but you can prevent it on future visits. Indeed, even if you DO have more room, I would have an excuse ready next time to make sure she doesn’t stay with you.
Post # 11
This is so weird. Why is she not sleeping on the couch??
Go get an air mattress. Move furniture if you have to, but make it fit somewhere! Say you and your husband thought it would be more convenient for the two of you to sleep on it and she can take the bed. Hopefully she will volunteer to take the air mattress because it’s rude to kick you out of your own bed.
And if all you can fit is a twin air bed, you take that and say you’re a super light sleeper so the last few nights have been hard. Put a sleeping bag in the kitchen if you have to! I could not handle this.
As far as it happening again, I think next time she comes to visit just insist on a hotel. Make an excuse about how you’ve had insomnia or something lately if you need to.
Post # 12
Can’t you at least put a blow up mattress in the living room or something?
Post # 13
I wonder how she’d feel if ya’ll went through her stuff while she was in the shower. She might not find this arrangement so great then. Esp if you pull out a few receipts for clothing that could have paid for a hotel.
Not suggesting you do that, though, tempting as it is. Point is this behavior is abhorrent and when you turn it around, it seems as unthinkable as it is. Weird how we justify our parents violating boundaries that we can’t imagine doing to them.
I would have your dH put an end to this now. Don’t wait for the next visit because she doesn’t even have a ticket home yet.
she will carry on until it’s not comfortable FOR HER. So make it uncomfortable for her.
Post # 14
I think OP has a studio apartment meaning there is only one room. The living, bedroom and kitchen are all one open room with no walls.
So, she can’t sleep in another room or anything like that.
Post # 15
Funny thing is during her first day here she claimed that she is taking the bed. She asked us to camp on the floor (she saw that we have two sleeping bags).. It’s seiously so weird that she can just make herself this comfotable here. Hubby said it’s her personality. They don’t get along either. That night she changed her ming because our cats sleep in our bed. then she picked her spot, without any discussion with us.
I didn’t want to be rude and ask her to get a hotel room (she gets offended very easily.) Now it seems to be a huge mistake. I’d rather have an argument than living this awkwardly at my own place.