(Closed) MIL sleeps in our room :(

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

To make sure she doesn’t extend her stay indefinitely, I suggest inventing an upcoming trip ASAP. And your husband needs to make it clear that for future visits, she needs to stay at a hotel. 

Post # 32
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Don’t give her a choice. Next time tell her, this is the hotel you will be staying in when you visit us. If she “refuses”, tell her that’s a shame, her visit would have been nice.

No one likes to be rude, but she is being  very rude camping at your place, refusing reasonable suggestions, and making herself a burden to you and DH.

Post # 33
Member
7890 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I also wondered if culture could be playing a role in her insistence on staying with you. I would consider this time around to be a learning experience, and next time insist on the hotel room when she comes to visit. It is also fun to brainstorm little ways of getting under her skin while she’s still staying with you. 

Post # 35
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
stringcheese123 :  you can’t just suggest next time you have to TELL her and even then she may refuse but your husband needs to TELL her “mum you need to get a room you can’t stay with us it’s too cramped, invading our space and we can’t work and function well like this. If you can’t I’m afraid we will have to postpone the visit”

Post # 36
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I hope it turns out ok. I would definitely lean on hubby to resolve this since shed hopefully be less likely to hold a grudge

Post # 37
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d book a hotel for the remainder of her trip, and let your husband know either she can go stay there, or you will. Sorry, but I think it is BIZARRE that she is sleeping in your bed and your husband isn’t saying MOM GET OUT! 

If he’s afraid to offend her, I’d be out of that studio apartment in 1 minute and in a nice hotel bed, alone. This sounds like his battle to fight with her, and he needs to let her know this is straight up creepy, rude and weird. If he’s too afraid to, he and mommy can have a sleepover for the rest of the visit without you. 

Post # 38
Member
1807 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
stringcheese123 :  My Mother and Father in law came from Australia to Canada after they lost their jobs. They stayed in our one bedroom apartment – sleeping IN the same queen sized bed as us. We had one bathroom, and it was nothing for the father to walk in to use the toilet when I was in the shower. His answer when I complained “Well, I’ve seen naked women before.”

Me “Not me naked! Get out!”

As my hubby was in University at the time – I was the only one working and supporting us all. After a day of it, I said I’d had enough, I was sleeping on the floor.

They didn’t like my “attitude” and moved out soon afterwards – into her parents house. There they took over the living room with a blowup mattress – and stayed a year! By the end, they moved back to Australia saying they’d never been treated so badly by anyone, and they were never coming back…

So sad to see them go (not!)

Post # 39
Member
1807 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I see that a few people have said that next time you should tell her to get a hotel. If she’s not from the area, she might not know where any local hotels are. A better idea would be if she says she’s coming for a week, follow up with, “Oh, that’s so wonderful. We’re looking forward to seeing you again. The last time the place was really cramped, so I took the liberty to get a hotel room for you – it’s just down the block, so you can see us all day, and go back to the nice hotel room for a good sleep. I’m sure that will be much more comfortable for all of us.”

Then it’s already booked – you’re not relying on her doing it. She’ll also feel better knowing it’s not far from you. If she doesn’t know the city, she might be afraid to book ahead, in case the hotel is far away, or in a crappy part of town. At least this way you can assure her it’s a very nice place.

Even better – get her a B&B room – they’re often a bit cheaper – and the little old ladies that run the places can talk for hours. She might start staying at the B&B longer if she gets along well with the owner.

 

Post # 40
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
mishybear :  four people in one queen size bed?! What the fuck?! That is so gross and weird, why on earth did you guys allow that to happen?!

Im also shocked at OP and her husband not putting their foot down when this woman said she’d be sleeping in their bed and them on the floor- hell no!

My fiancé and I have moved to a different country so will be getting lots of visitors. We are in a small 2 bedroom house (which also has a small study). 2 guests at a time are welcome and that’s it. His parents and aunt and uncle were all going to come over at the same time and I shut that shit down immediately. I said there was no way in well I was going to have people camping out in the lounge room on the couch and floor (we have a double bed in the guest room but his parents don’t sleep together as his father snores so badly) and I was not sharing our home with four other adults. They could either get a hotel or come at different times. Thankfully they’ve heard that loud and clear and will come separately.

Post # 41
Member
13906 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If this were me, and DH wouldn’t address it, I’d be in a hotel until she left.  This is seriously weird.

Post # 43
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

that’s terrible, i feel for you. But my parents and my partner’s parents are exactly the same. They will insist on staying with us instead of a hotel even if we lived in a shoebox. They wouldn’t go through out things though … that’s even more weird. 

Post # 44
Member
765 posts
Busy bee

are you sure she hasn’t moved in? that would my concern. Sounds like you’re going to have to get clear with this woman on what is ok and what isn’t.

Not sure why she refuses to get a hotel, but if I was staying with people in cramped situations like this, I’d probably sleep in the tub before I’d impose on them this much.

Post # 45
Member
13653 posts
Honey Beekeeper

All I can say is that this never in a million years would have happened to me.  Even once Mother-In-Law overstayed, H should have booked her a room, and after she went through your stuff, he should definitely have told her that she crossed the line, and that this arrangment is not working out. 

Once in the situation, I most certainly would have moved to a hotel, with or without H. That would not have been out of line under these ridiculous circumstances. You could have been polite about it, but firm in the idea that you value your privacy.

She sounds clueless and obnoxious, but both you and your H were way too passive. If you don’t set these kind of limits from the outset, it only gets harder. 

The topic ‘MIL sleeps in our room :(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors