(Closed) MIL sleeps in our room :(

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 61
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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stringcheese123 :   I’m sorry but your DH is a doormat! I don’t want to be rude but your post just make my blood boil! Your Mother-In-Law  had the balls to tell you that she’s gonna take your bed? She’s going through your stuff? She’s ordering you around but your dh is not able to put a stop to this? WTF? She is assertive because everyone around her are allowing her to do what she wants. Oh how I want to drop by and visit your apartment and get shit straightened out. She might never visit you again 😉

Post # 63
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee

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stringcheese123 :  ugh, sorry you’re going through such a shitty situation. She leaves soon, right?

If your husband is normally rational, I would chalk this up to stress and drop it FOR NOW- but when Mother-In-Law leaves, you guys need to sit down and hash this out…and figure out a gameplan for next time. 

Post # 64
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

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stringcheese123 :  

Oh no….I’m so sorry that your husband won’t take your side as he should. 

You come first and the fact that he is choosing his mother over you is awful. 

Post # 65
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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stringcheese123 :   You and your DH are a team, and need to present a united front towards his mother.  You are in the right here – she is overstepping boundaries left and right.  I hope he can see reason here.   He may want to avoid conflict with his mother if she is a drama queen – even so you and he come first.  Best wishes to you.  

Post # 66
Member
2591 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

WTF did I just read? This is seriously a messed up situation. That is incredibly rude not only to invite yourself into someones home, but to go through your stuff and not only judge but pick out things you want to keep??? I don’t care who you are or how close you are to me or to Fiance, I would not stand for it! Personal space and personal belongings need to be respected

Post # 67
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

What the f***kk? “It’s not inappropriate because it his mother” umm yeah well then how about your mother come over and go through all of his stuff. Tell him to enjoy his time with his mommy while you go elsewhere where you have privacy and are not disrespected. “how rude”

Post # 68
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Wow. I’m sorry he responded in such a way. On that note I’d totally just tell him I’ll be staying with a friend until she is gone, because it’s not worth you being forced to be uncomfortable for who knows how long and him be ok with it. Hopefully absence will make the heart grow fonder? Still meet with him for lunches, dinners, etc… Don’t shut HIM out to avoid making it worse, but do refuse to be bossed about in your own home

Post # 69
Member
13646 posts
Honey Beekeeper

What’s inappropriate is the way his mother is treating you and the way he’s allowing it to happen. 

I’d suggest counseling asap since this has escalated to the point of threats to your marriage, even if she leaves soon. This is all so unacceptable. 

Post # 70
Member
892 posts
Busy bee

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stringcheese123 :  I agree with Claudia. he might just be extra stressed right now. my husband and I bicker more than usual when we’re around certain family members too long, it can all be so overwhelming. wait until a few days after the Mother-In-Law leaves, and then have a calm conversation with him about it. the next time she visits, make your boundaries clear and firm. 

Post # 71
Member
13646 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I agree that he’s stressed, but that is no excuse for the way he’s allowing the mother to walk all over them both, especially his wife. The situation is absurd. 

Post # 72
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I’m sorry but Fuck this lady. 

ETA: I just read your last update, whoa. Maybe you should get a hotel for a couple of days, I wouldn’t put up with that kind of disrespect from both of them. You’re his wife and it’s your home together, they both need to understand and respect that. I’m so sorry.

Post # 73
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Beach

Wow wtf? Is right. I would say counseling stat. What’s that saying? Leave and cleave. You and your husband have made a home together and how you both feel and maybe compromise should be respected by his mother. She sounds very immature.

My mil will be here Saturday. This scares me. Everyone knows she’s crazy though. 

Post # 74
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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stringcheese123 :  He threatened divorce over this?? I’m hoping he just got upset. And I suspect that’s all it is.

But still, you’ve got to show you mean business. I still like the idea of moving out until she’s gone.

Post # 75
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Ceremony: Cellon Oak Park; Reception: Alachua Woman\'s Club

I feel like staying elsewhere until your crazy Mother-In-Law leaves is giving her exactly what she wants. And free reign to continue going through your belongings. I think you need to take a stand in your own home, tell Mother-In-Law that her behavior is unacceptable, and inform her that she will be staying in a hotel for the remainder of her visit. She already has your husband siding with her ridiculous behavior and I feel like she’s just going to continue to drive a wedge between the two of you in your absence. If your husband doesn’t like the fact that you are standing up to his mother then he can feel free to join her at the hotel. And I definitely agree with PP’s suggestion of counseling. Your husband’s reaction to the situation is unacceptable. Your marriage should come first and you shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this situation.

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