(Closed) MIL takes over my baby (rant!)

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 32
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow.  This is really creepy.  It is not ok for her to not respect your boundaries, and really not ok to pass your child off as hers…or to plan to parent her half the time when the second one is born.  That is so weird!!!  Like, movie script weird.

 

Honestly, I would just put my foot down and set very clear boundaries with both your husband and your mother in law.  At this point her behavior is so odd, and probably has been for some time, that your husband can’t even see it.  I say you definitely get veto power on him concerning this issue. 

 

Super creepy!!!

Post # 33
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

You should really, really, really check out this forum: http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dealing_with_the_in_laws_and_foo_family_of_origin

You need to get your Fiance on board ASAP because your MIL’s behavior is not normal and not okay. You are not being unreasonable and you need to shut this down ASAP. No more unsupervised time with your child and a long, long time out to give you and your family some space and time for Mother-In-Law to learn that she is NOT your child’s parent. Grandparents are not entitled to your children, any time they spend with them is a privelage, not a right.

Post # 34
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You are not being at all unreasonable, I never was away from my kids when they were little. They need the closeness and stability that come from you. Put your foot down, you ate her mother and she does not sound stable. Your husband is in denial probably she’s all he knows.

Post # 35
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Until I got to the part where she tries to pass the kiddo off as her own, I thought that maybe she was just an over excited grandma. Nope, she’s weird. That is so crazy. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a toddler spending a night or so with her grandparents here and there, that might give you guys some adult time, but not as frequently as she’s asking. Her other actions are just all around weird.

Post # 37
Member
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Thanks for updating.

I personally would feel even less comfortable knowing she has a diagnosed mental disorder. Especially in it’s early stages of treatment.

This is such a tough situation. She’s obviously treating her relationship as something other than a grandparent relationship. She’s using your child to fill a void and that is unhealthy.

Furthermore you shouldn’t have to put off your desire to have a second child because of her behaviour. She’s having a very negative effect on your life.

I wish I had advice on how you could remedy this. *hugs*

Post # 38
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Good to hear that she is getting help, but I think it’s way to much pressure to put on an 18 month old to go see her grandma to make her feel needed.

I would limit their contact to just visits and no sleep overs at least until the medication has started working and you’ve seen a change in her.

Post # 40
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Glad you Fiance was able to see that his mother is wrong.

You are the advocate for your daughter and need to speak up. If someone offered to take my daughter for the night and I didn’t want them to then the answer would be no. You need to start using your voice and letting her walk all over you. If that situation arises again turn to your Fiance and sternly say no she will be coming home with us, look at Future Mother-In-Law and say thank you but maybe another time. Don’t let other people tell you what to do with your child, stand up for yourself and her.

It is creepy for her to be passing her granddaughter off as her own. You did mention that the stepdad said she was in counseling, maybe this is something they can bring up there.

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