Post # 32
Wow. This is really creepy. It is not ok for her to not respect your boundaries, and really not ok to pass your child off as hers…or to plan to parent her half the time when the second one is born. That is so weird!!! Like, movie script weird.
Honestly, I would just put my foot down and set very clear boundaries with both your husband and your mother in law. At this point her behavior is so odd, and probably has been for some time, that your husband can’t even see it. I say you definitely get veto power on him concerning this issue.
Post # 33
You should really, really, really check out this forum: http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dealing_with_the_in_laws_and_foo_family_of_origin
You need to get your Fiance on board ASAP because your MIL’s behavior is not normal and not okay. You are not being unreasonable and you need to shut this down ASAP. No more unsupervised time with your child and a long, long time out to give you and your family some space and time for Mother-In-Law to learn that she is NOT your child’s parent. Grandparents are not entitled to your children, any time they spend with them is a privelage, not a right.
Post # 34
You are not being at all unreasonable, I never was away from my kids when they were little. They need the closeness and stability that come from you. Put your foot down, you ate her mother and she does not sound stable. Your husband is in denial probably she’s all he knows.
Post # 35
Until I got to the part where she tries to pass the kiddo off as her own, I thought that maybe she was just an over excited grandma. Nope, she’s weird. That is so crazy. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a toddler spending a night or so with her grandparents here and there, that might give you guys some adult time, but not as frequently as she’s asking. Her other actions are just all around weird.
Post # 36
UPDATE! i sat my Fiance down and showed him these posts risky move yes, but paid off..kind of! he didnt realise how strange the things were that his mum is doing and how uncomfortable it makes me.
he agrees her pretending to be my daughters mummy has to stop and didnt know about her offers to take her if we had another child. to be honest all of this has put me off planning another child despite the fact i would love to have another after the wedding.
anyways we went to his mums and spoke to his stepdad (his mums husband). he told us that recently she has been to the doctors for depression triggered by her twins (age 20) moving out and being grown ups and even our wedding. she has been diagnosed with bi-poler because of her erratic behaviour. apparently she has started medication and is on a waiting list for counselling. he said being with my daughter makes her feel needed and is very good for her. but im very worried about her being around my child with a known disorder. i understand she is not very well but im scared about something happening. step-FIL has asked that we still let our daughter stay overnight but he will arrange much fuuther in advance and not as often and that he will always be there so she is not completly alone with my baby. hes asked that we keep everything normal as to not upset her.
i really dont know how to feel now but Fiance is more understanding of whats been going on. i dont think he wanted to think anything was wrong with his mum.
Post # 37
Thanks for updating.
I personally would feel even less comfortable knowing she has a diagnosed mental disorder. Especially in it’s early stages of treatment.
This is such a tough situation. She’s obviously treating her relationship as something other than a grandparent relationship. She’s using your child to fill a void and that is unhealthy.
Furthermore you shouldn’t have to put off your desire to have a second child because of her behaviour. She’s having a very negative effect on your life.
I wish I had advice on how you could remedy this. *hugs*
Post # 38
Good to hear that she is getting help, but I think it’s way to much pressure to put on an 18 month old to go see her grandma to make her feel needed.
I would limit their contact to just visits and no sleep overs at least until the medication has started working and you’ve seen a change in her.
Post # 39
- Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour
@penguinslovecrumpets: Yea, I would nix any sleepovers for now.
Post # 40
Glad you Fiance was able to see that his mother is wrong.
You are the advocate for your daughter and need to speak up. If someone offered to take my daughter for the night and I didn’t want them to then the answer would be no. You need to start using your voice and letting her walk all over you. If that situation arises again turn to your Fiance and sternly say no she will be coming home with us, look at Future Mother-In-Law and say thank you but maybe another time. Don’t let other people tell you what to do with your child, stand up for yourself and her.
It is creepy for her to be passing her granddaughter off as her own. You did mention that the stepdad said she was in counseling, maybe this is something they can bring up there.