Post # 16
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
Maybe I’m too nice, but it sounds like she paid for the car itself (with her husband and a little help from your DH), just not the insurance and so I really think you guys should give her a portion of the money. That would also probably get her off your back from suing and maybe salvage the relationship ..if that’s even what you guys want, of course!
Post # 17
lilsistam: Sooo I agree with what everyone has said actually and I am sure I’d feel just like you if I were in that siutation! …..Can I play Devil’s Advocate for am minute though…? Put yourself in her shoes. She’s obviously massively unhappy.
“Her husband died 2 years ago and now she lives alone. She has a son who helps out but She doesn’t have a great relaiotnship with him and it’s only deteriorated since he got married to Her now DIL. She is on a fixed income and doesn’t have any money to go out and meet new people like she would have done in the past. She gets frustrated by not being able to live independantly but She makes bad choices that don’t get her what she wants that just adds to her overall frustrations. She isn’t a very good driver and despite some good luck in the past, she recetnly totalled the car her Darling Husband arranged through her son. After the rental runs out she will have to take the bus to get around, since she begged her son but he won’t help her anymore.” – her side of it
May I suggest, that rather than get outraged and upset (which you have every right) try and be more … compassionate? We will all get old one day and I know I’d like a little help at that time.
Put your boundries up and keep your distance. Don’t compromise your own happiness with Darling Husband. But the reality will alwasy be that She is DHs mother so IMO I’d try and feel more pity than anger towards her…?
Post # 18
- Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida
lilsistam: I’m surprised her attorny is even contacting yall about this. It was HIS car, HIS insurance so it ‘s HIS money. Hopefully no one was seirously injured in the wreck or they could sue you and Darling Husband because you are the owners and insurance holders.
Sorry you are going through this, just stick to your guns and don’t budge. if it helps think of her as a stranger…. would you give the stanger the money if they refused to pay for the car or insurance while driving your car?
Post # 19
anonladygrace: So you really think offering a small amount of money towards a cheap used car for a woman who has caused 3 accidents in the past year, who is perfectly capable of using public transportation, who isn’t showing any signs of gratefulness for what she has received thus far, and who called her lawyer about suing her own son and hasn’t shown any remorse, is a good idea?
I’m a very compassionate person, my heart aches for her loss, and I value respect for one’s elders but I believe this is a level of disrespect that should not be tolerated by anyone.
If it was me, once she apologized I’d offer to help her figure out public transportation, or go over her finances to help her figure out how to afford another car and insurance on her own. If she was being a decent human being, then I would offer to pay for a safe driving class. And if I felt part of the problem was that she could use therapy, and she was willing to go, I’d pay for that too.
Post # 20
stephanie091512: She definitely didnt pay the majority of that car off. It was already OP’s Darling Husband car for a year before he let his dad take over payments. That was only for a year until Dad passed away, then Darling Husband resumed payments and paid off the car….The average auto loan is 3-5 years. The car is not the mom’s. Period.
Post # 21
She has no case. He has no obligation to take care of her or give her any money. Its HIS car! The fact that she is going this far, and acting like this towards her own son is ridiculous and you should not budge. I wouldn’t. Get a lawyer yourself and tell her you are getting one. She is being a child.
Trust me, if you give into this behavior she is going to try to get more out of you. I understand she might need the money but there are CHEAP used cars out there she can afford on her own. Let her throw her tantrum but dont give into it.
Post # 22
unicornphish: We didn’t have to inform her of it, as she told Darling Husband the other day that she knew he wouldn’t let her be on our insurance anymore. Which, of course, was all my fault somehow, according to her.
Post # 23
stephanie091512: No, she did not pay for the car. She and her husband paid less than 1 year of a 6 year loan on it. Darling Husband and I figured it up, and his parents basically paid the interest. He’s paid for their insurance the whole time, as well. They had lesss than $3,000 invested in the car and Darling Husband had over $15,000 even though he drove it for less than a year.
Post # 24
Absolutely do not budge. The lawyer wouldn’t recommend talking it out unless he knew he had no case. It’s not a winning case by any means. I wouldn’t even bother hiring a lawyer. His car, his name. He can provide bank statements showing he paid for the car and insurance. No doubt that legally and practically speaking it’s his car. He did a nice thing by loaning it to her, essentially, but she totaled it. It’s her job to figure out her own transportation. Offer her a ride to a doctors appointment or grocery shopping if the weather is bad and you don’t want her walking to a bus stop. That’s about as far as my generosity would go.
Post # 25
Actually, Darling Husband has done nothing but treat her with kindness. He’s tried to have a close relationship with her; however she has been verbally abusive and belittling towards him. His dad died four years ago, and, as I stated, for the first two years he paid almost all her bills for her. The first year he lived with her to help her get on her feet, and then the second year of paying her bills he moved out and was also paying for his own rent and bills. There were many months where he was scraping by and working overtime just so that he could help his mom out and pay her bills. Yet she’s abused that and treated him like crap. She’s called him names, accused him of not caring about her because he moved out, and even stooped to the level of lying to Darling Husband and telling him that she has COPD (which is what his dad died of) just to try and get him to give her money.
Post # 26
Out of love, you just can’t budge. You can’t continue to enable her irresponsible behavior. Just as you don’t give a drunk a drink, you don’t give an irresponsible spender money.
Post # 27
- Wedding: August 2017 - Bahamas
Unless the car was a Maserati, the insurance payout that she “wins” would probably be equal to the amount that she spends on a lawyer and court fees. Or at least close enough to not make it worth it.
Sorry that I don’t have any advice. You’re doing the right thing. Plant your feet…the both of you… and don’t budge.
Post # 28
lilsistam: she sounds manipulative and toxic. I’m sorry you and your husband have to deal with this.
That being said, based on her history of causing multiple accidents in one year, I actually think it is her best interest (and the best interest of everyone else on the road) that she not drive!
Post # 29
If you give in now it will look like you only gave up because she involved lawyers. She’ll do it every time she wants her way, plus it sounds like she wouldn’t be grateful anyway. It isn’t disrespectful to demand respect, or to stand up for yourself when someone is taking advantage. I hope she gets the message and you can eventually eventually build a healthy relationship with her. All the best
Post # 30
somewhat unrelated, but I feel the need to point it out since the argument “she has money for a lawyer” keeps getting thrown about – there is a very good chance that she doesn’t pay this lawyer anything. most personal injury type attorneys in the US get paid on a contingency fee basis so they only get paid 1/3 of whatever they are able to collect for you.
but I agree with PP, don’t budge – it sounds like this woman needs some tough love.