MIL told family before we were ready

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 17
Member
6393 posts
Bee Keeper

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pusheenpizza :  You are 1000% allowed to be annoyed and hurt that she broke your trust, and prevented you from sharing your news.  This is definitely rude on her part and regardless – this is your child and your announcement.  Personally I’d keep this in mind for any other future announcements you want to make and waiting until you want her to blab prior to telling her.  And she probably won’t apologize either.

Post # 18
Member
5127 posts
Bee Keeper

Two can keep a secret if one is dead.

Meaning, as soon as you tell anyone you should assume that more people will know. 

Post # 19
Member
1942 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

yep. Id be pissed, simply because getting to announce a pregnancy was such a special moment for me, so it was nice to tell people on my own time. I would be pretty upset, but what about the rest of your side of the family, do they know yet? you still can have the time to tell them on your own time when you feel its right. 

Post # 20
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Reality is that as soon as you tell a few people, word is going to spread. That is what I have seen happen with most “secrets”. You  should have seen this coming. 

Post # 21
Member
609 posts
Busy bee

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pusheenpizza :  Yes, you are absolutely justified & 100% allowed to be annoyed.

She had NO right whatsoever to tell anyone as this is you and your husband’s child & your announcement not hers. She also ruined the chance of your husband being able to tell his grandma. I wouldn’t tell her anymore stuff that has to do w/ baby or even anymore future announcements as she can’t keep her mouth shut! 

Post # 22
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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pusheenpizza :  You’re totally justified in being ticked off at your Mother-In-Law.  My ILs spilled the beans too to DH’s side of the extended family even though we told them not to say anything.  We told them at 14 weeks when I was still getting tests done, and my ILs have a reputation of not being able to keep secrets; so, DH gave them a stern warning not to tell anyone.  Yes, everyone is excited and word gets around, but still not your secret to share.  We decided not to ask them about it, but I told DH that next time we’re going to tell them last.  What’s done is done, and we can’t undo it.  I think it’s just better to let it go and not stay mad at your Mother-In-Law.  She just earned herself the right to be the last one to know next time.    

Post # 23
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

I would say lesson learned.  You canNOT trust your Mother-In-Law.  In the future, speak to her accordingly.  I’m sorry that happened to you!

Post # 24
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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Anonymous1063 :  I completely disagree.  OP should’ve seen it coming?  Why?  Because we can’t trust people to keep their promises and act like adults?  Come on.

Post # 27
Member
7524 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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pusheenpizza :  I totally disagree with pp that you should have expected this. It’s your mother in law, it’s not unreasonable to believe her when she said she’d keep it under wraps (unless she has a history of blabbing about secrets). 

We told my parents way before anyone else and they didn’t say a word. Dh’s parents also were told several weeks before we spread the news more widely, and, guess what, they also respected our wishes to keep it on the d/l.

I’m sorry this happened, but odds are definitely in your favor that your U/S will be fine and you’ll be welcoming a little one in six months or however long! Completely agree with pp that Mother-In-Law should be banned from future insider knowledge about anything in your lives. Burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice… 

Post # 29
Member
818 posts
Busy bee

 

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pusheenpizza :  I’d be pissed and although my mil kept our pregnancy a secret until we were ready to share she did keep asking us to tell people so she can talk about the pregnancy with others which also got annoying. She found out at 12 weeks along with my parents but we didn’t really start sharing with others until 16 weeks and ultrasound and bloodwork came back good. 

She did share the sex with a few people as did my mom before we got a chance to and my DH and I were pissed so they didn’t find out the name of our son until he was born. 

 

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downonmulberry :  i’m sure you didn’t mean it this way by your 5th point but miscarriage isn’t and shouldn’t be a public humiliation. It is quite common and it’s important for us to move on from this thought so that women who experience them don’t need to feel shame for their loss.

Post # 30
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

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pusheenpizza :  I’d be annoyed, but honestly I wouldn’t have told ANYONE unless I was prepared for the news to get out. For this exact reason. 

I am not diminishing the fact that she violated your boundaries though, that is seriously messed up and she does not get to be privy to any more baby info until everyone else can know. 

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