MIL told family before we were ready

posted 1 month ago in Pregnancy
Post # 31
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

pusheenpizza :  Yep, that’s completely on her.

I’m really sorry you’re in this situation and that you didn’t get to tell everyone how you saw fit 🙁

If you and H decide to have more kids, I hope everything goes smoothly with that news.

Post # 33
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

feedthebeags : They shouldn’t feel shame, but as you said, it is a loss. There is a grieving process, and that’s a very vulnerable thing that IMO great aunt Edna doesn’t really need to know about. So worst case scenario, Mother-In-Law ruined OP’s right to privacy. If anything happens, OP has a right to deal with her emotional health how she sees fit, without the extended family asking questions.

 

Post # 34
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

pusheenpizza :  Make sure Grandma is the first to know your next bit of news and all up coming news about the baby.  She can have honour of knowing she a priority and let her pass it on to Mother-In-Law so MIL is aware of where she now stands in the pecking order….

Post # 35
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

pusheenpizza :  Agree with everyone else. You have every right to be upset but this means that you need to learn your lesson NOW and not tell her things in the future. And your Husband needs to back you up when you decide NOT to tell his mother gender, when baby is born, name, next pregnancy, etc.

Post # 36
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

pusheenpizza :  Agree with the PPs who say it’s completely out of line and she doesn’t get info any more. Also, check out DWIL on BabyCenter. If you’re trying to extablish boundaries, they’re the ones to talk to. Your Mother-In-Law is only going to get worse once the baby comes! 

Post # 37
Member
3312 posts
Sugar bee

pro tip: do NOT alert her to going into labor. Call her once the baby is born. 

Post # 38
Member
1693 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Ugh, I’m so sorry bee! Your Mother-In-Law should have absolutely been able to keep the secret! My Brother and SIL told both sets of parents when they were first pregnant but didn’t tell siblings until the 12 week mark and told everyone else later. Neither of our parents spilled the beans to anyone, not even their own children! And it was for good reason. My Brother and SIL lost a few pregnancies. And it was a lot easier for them to deal with it when not everyone knew. Its not embarassing, but its tough to lose one, and to have to tell multiple people “we lost the pregnancy” just makes the grieving process that much harder. She did not have the right to tell anyone, and agree with PP, she is the LAST to know anything. Like no name until the kid is born, no gender reveal unless everyone else already knows, etc. PP’s move of not telling her when you are in labor, just after the baby is born is savage, but I like it!  

Post # 39
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

pusheenpizza :  Yeah, you have every right to be upset on missing out on announcing. 

I understand being excited about the news, but she had options.  She could keep it to herself, write in a journal, speak to someone else who has been told the news OR worst case (and what I sometimes do) tell one person who is far removed from the secret, so they won’t or can’t pass it on (I do this with a close colleague of mine sometimes)

You have learnt a valuable lesson.  Mother-In-Law can’t keep secrets.  You and Darling Husband need to be on the same page, and agree she isn’t to be told any more secrets from now on.  She can be told news when you are okay with it being released. 

That said, I think it would be petty to go any further with Mother-In-Law at this stage.  Yes she broke your trust about the secret, and only you can say if that was perhaps to be expected.  Some people just can’t keep their mouth’s shut.   Don’t tell her anymore secrets, but don’t leave her out.  Your child will likely really appreciate that relationship one day. 

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