MIL trying to use our house as a storage unit.

posted 2 weeks ago in Home
Post # 2
Member
5411 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

“MIL, no.”

If you want to take the softer approach “MIl, we have plans for each of the rooms and we just will not have space to store a couch for SIL”

Post # 3
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

“NO” is a complete sentence.  Your husband needs to speak up too.

Post # 5
Member
5411 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Try not to let it bother you and don’t over think it, you’re being completely reasonable!  violetmaple :  

Post # 6
Member
520 posts
Busy bee

Absolutely ridiculous. And you DO NOT need to give her a reason for saying no. 

Post # 7
Member
824 posts
Busy bee

Is your mother in law under the misapprehension that when you and your husband were house hunting, you chose a home with additional bedrooms so that you can store crap for all your relatives? Because I can pretty much guarantee you that mother in law will also want you to store whatever items she doesn’t manage to sell. After all, you can just put them in the same room as your sister in law’s bigass armoire and extra bed, right? 

They’re assuming too much here and this furniture storage issue will become part of an overall pattern unless you and your husband clearly and firmly draw your boundaries. Otherwise you’ll soon be hearing Aunt Mildred is coming to visit for the Christmas holidays, I told her she’d have more room staying at your house- you can set up sister in law’s bed for her, she’ll only be visiting for three weeks and I told her you wouldn’t mind at all. 

I cringe for you Bee, I’ve had my share of pushy relatives and dealing with them has been quite the work in progress. 

Post # 9
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Let me just say that your Mother-In-Law is completely out of line, she is definitely pushing boundaries. But, I don’t agree with other bees who are saying just say no without an explanation. That sounds good on an advice board, but in reality of someone asks you something of this nature, and you just say “no”, it sounds rude af. 

Sometimes, it’s fine. Do you want to go to Red Lobster? No. That works. But for a request like this, you can just say I will not be able to do that Mother-In-Law, we have plans for that room. You don’t have to be specific, you don’t need to give her anything to refute, you can just say that. Or, of course you can have your husband just say no. 

This is coming from someone who has been very blunt with my ILs. They don’t like me really. Lol. They are never rude or disrespectful, mainly because they know I won’t tolerate it. But, they are not warm to me like they are to the other daughter in laws in the family. I promise I never cared, but now that I have a child, I regret not trying to be more diplomatic with them. It’s a lot of women in my husband’s Family, and I knew I wasn’t winning any fans, but I’m the type to never lose sleep about shit like that, but it’s different when/if you grow your family. I say all of this to say that sometimes the advice the bees give is harsh, and I wonder how many of them actually take it. Meanwhile they are sending someone off to be rude AF, and they are busing polite and kind IRL  

So, never allow yourself to be a doormat or a pushover, but also delivery is everything IMO. 

Post # 10
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Mil, that doesn’t work for us. Our home is not a storage unit, it is our home and it’s purpose is to meet our needs not anyone else’s. 

I understand where zoraneale :  is coming from but here is the problem with that logic. 

Your husband is the one that needs to stand up to his family. Why? Because his family wouldn’t decide to dislike him as they are his family. The wife shouldn’t be the one to stand up to husbands family because I agree they would start to dislike her on some level. The rule is, your family your problem. Husband can tell his mother the above phrase and deal with it directly. He can say it in whatever way he wants to as he knows his family best. It also creates a united front to his family. If he is standing up for his wife his family won’t get away with boundary stomping bullshit and most likely will stop doing it. 

Post # 11
Member
6999 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I guess I don’t see the problem? Just tell her no. “Sorry Mother-In-Law but we have plans for each of our rooms which is the reason we bought this house. You guys will need to either keep the storage unit or make other arrangements.”

Post # 12
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

“That will not be possible.  SIL needs to make other plans.”

Post # 13
Member
10594 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

starfish0116 :  I think it’s fine for OP’s hubs to tell her Mother-In-Law no, we have plans for those spaces or no, that won’t work for us.

But, I definitely would not tell Mother-In-Law and SIL what they have to do, as in you will need to keep the storage unit or . . . 

He would be asserting a boundary while pushing up against their boundaries and reinforcing the sense of the whole thing somehow being OP and her hubby’s problem.

Husband’s responsibility is to set a firm limit:  no, we will not store your stuff. Note how it’s about the behavior of OP and himself only.  He’s not suggesting what Mother-In-Law and SIL should do.  That’s their problem to solve.

If hubs wants to soften it by clarifying that they have already made plans for the rooms, fine. But, all engagement on the topic must end right there.

A PP is right. This is a camel’s nose under the tent game.  Cave now, and before long, you have an entire camel in your tent.

The other reality about people like Mother-In-Law is that they are quite resourceful.  Once it sinks in that they getting nowhere, they find  someone else to manipulate.

Post # 14
Member
6100 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

This doesn’t need to be a whole conversation or back and forth issue. “That’s not happening.”

I had a mattress that was in storage, not being used at the time and my in laws had someone moving in and there was some brief wondering if my mattress could be used by this person. All I said was “That’s not happening.” End of conversation.

Come back and let us know what happens when your husband gets back to her and says no. All of their emotions and opinions after the No are their issue. Don’t give it any of your time or attention.

Post # 15
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

I agree with everyone else.  It’s not an issue.  It’s just a hard NO.

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