Post # 16
Have to respectfully disagree with above poster about the ” rule” your family your problem. If I have a problem with someone I deal with it whether it is in the family or not. I do not ask anyone to speak for me or take on the responsibility for resolving something on my behalf. I am a grown woman and quite capable of clearly getting my own point across.
I have been married many years and over these years have had some disagreements with my in-laws that I have talked with them about. We respect and understand each other and our own personal boundaries. We all get on well because of this. Things used to pop up and I did not wait to go to my husband and tell him he has to talk with them about it (knowing that he was of the same opinion). I dealt with it then and there.
Most of our hurdles were at the beginning when they were learning how they could be involved in our lives and where lines were crossed. Things got much smoother as time went by and we are now all happily on the same page. Granted, it does depend on the personalities of the Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law and how you make your point. Kindly but firmly has always worked well for me.
OP by all means if this is something that you and your husband are against then make it clear and say simply that your house is for your belongings and your guests etc only, no matter how much space you have and you are sure that they will understand and respect this. Really, no more needs to be said.
Post # 17
The issue with ‘softening’ a no is it gives people something to work around. Just saying no isn’t ‘rude af’, but it is definitive.
‘We have plans for those rooms‘
’surely you can store it for a short while! When will you be buying furniture? If it’s not for a couple months we’ll just store it until then’
people like this will always find a way around. Just saying no is the quickest, easiest way to shut the conversation down.
Post # 18
Just say NO.
Mother-In-Law doesn’t get to decide where SIL’s belongings end up anyway, that’s up to SIL–SIL can rent a storage unit if she doesn’t want to keep these things in her own home.
Post # 19
zoraneale : Agree with this, delivery is everything- this is why my own dealings with pushy relatives has been a work in progress. I do think it’s possible to stay firm & keep your boundaries without being unnecessarily rude.
Post # 20
mrsssb : I agree that the blood relative needs to be the one to always have the tough conversation but I disagree that strictly being family means someone wouldn’t decide to dislike you. If you’re an asshole you’re an asshole blood related or not. I have an uncle who is related to me by blood but I cant stand the man.
Post # 21
My mom has tons of stuff in storage at our house. Before we had a baby, it wasn’t a big deal because we had extra space, but now we need room for LO’s things. We’ve told her that she needs to clear things out and when she comes to visit, we have a box ready for her to take back to her place (or when we visit her, we’ll bring a few boxes). She gets annoyed and complains that she doesn’t have room, but it’s our home and our stuff takes priority — if she doesn’t have room, she can Marie Kondo the crap out of all her crap.
Post # 22
That is true. I wasn’t trying to blanket statement that if your related than you can’t be seen as an asshole. I too have cousins who are the worst lol.
What I meant was, each partner’s job is to stand up as a unit and a team against anything their family might do to push boundaries. “We” should always be used. But when there is a difficult in law situation it’s best to have the child of that parent be the one to say something simply because difficult in laws love to claim that their child isn’t the problem it’s the daughter in law who is calling the shots. To avoid this and make that argument null and void, the person whose family it is should speak up saying “we” do not accept ( whatever the issue is) in laws can’t divide and conquer and conveniently lay blame on their daughter or son in law if the united front is strong.
Post # 24
That’s such Mother-In-Law logic. Since you’re storing it now in the storage unti, yes, store it in your new house. OR SIL can cough up money for HER own storage unit and put her couch in there. I say if SIL gives any push back, get rid of it, but that’s an extreme response and not something I’d do lightly.
Post # 25
violetmaple : SIL has gotten free storage long enough. It’s pretty rude that they demanded rather than asked but I would start with “I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but we won’t be able to store your things in our new home.” If you’re feeling generous offer to help them move the stuff to their own house or sell it. If they question you or put up a stink just keep repeating “no”.
Whose name is on the storage unit? If it’s yours say “we’ll be moving out by X date – let us know if you want it tranfered to your name otherwise we’ll be canceling the contract effective that date.” If it’s theirs just move your stuff out and stop paying them.
Post # 26
pinkcorsage : my mom did that – she let her brother store his POS boat at our house for years (and we never even got to go out on it!). She was selling the house and needed it gone and flat out said “get it by the end of the month or I’m selling it”. He didnt and she sold it for $500. He asked her about the money and she just laughed. Her response was “you had free storage for 5 years and then couldn’t even be bothered to move or sell the boat yourself when I needed you to? Consider this my fee” and kept the cash.
Post # 27
If your name is on the storage unit, tell SIL what the date will be that her stuff needs to be out and that if it’s not, management will dispose of it.
Post # 28
- Wedding: September 2019 - Brooklyn, NY
Why not just ignore Mother-In-Law altogether, and go directly to the SIL? Maybe try something along the lines of “SIL, we are terminating our storage contract on X date. Do you want to keep that same storage unit? If so, I will ask the storage company to transfer the contract to your name. If you plan to move the couch to a smaller unit, please move it by X date.”
Post # 29
brooklyngal : THIS. The items are hers, and she should come up with a plan on what to do with her stuff. But you are in no way obligated to be her new storage locker.
Post # 30
This made me laugh, not at you but with you, because I realized I’m in a very similar situation. I have no idea why but my husband took a fucking “heirloom” bed with him when he left for college and has schlepped this thing with him through medical school and residency (DIFFERENT STATES) and now we just have a huge frame that won’t fit anywhere for storage in our home as an extra bed that doesn’t match the rest of our home. We can’t throw it away because his mom cried that it was a family heirloom from Italy that my husband’s deceased grandmother left her and she can’t lose the last bits of her mother (which I am empathetic too since I lost my dad). Shipping this thing back is too expensive for her so she wants us to keep it until she drives to see us, but it’s way too large to fit in her bed… So now she’s saying we can hold it for her until she drives a huge moving truck here (she says she’ll drive for 22+ hours…) to move it back. Does she have a date set? No. We’ll see if it’s just in our home forever.
Since you do not yet have these things in your home… Make sure it never comes in through your doors or it’ll be harder to get rid of.