Post # 1
A list of vents about my MIL:
- I do not understand why you told your friend that it would be acceptable to give your son and I a crucifix for our wedding present when you know we are not religious. I further do not understand why you have asked us multiple times, on numerous occasions (10+ at least twice at each occasion)why its not hanging in our bedroom…..
- why you would call my mom while DH and I were on our honeymoon to brag that you talked to us. (I txted my parents to let them know when we landed etc, his parents don’t txt so he had to call. The conversation was literally, “we landed” so yeah, not appreciated
- I do not understand why you are obsessed with what we choose/don’t choose to hang in our home. No we are not planning on hanging things that DH has had since he was 16 i.e. the sword……really?!
- why you feel like you can be a rude b to me when DH is not around. Example last saturday when we came to pick up our dog. We called before hand DH informed you that we were just going to grab the dog and go, and that I wasn’t feeling well so I would not be coming in. As DH was getting the dog MIL came out and gave me the third degree about not going in. Leaving it with “well those are OUR friends in there that gave you nice wedding and shower gifts, I don’t see why you won’t just come in. I guess I will just tell them you aren’t feeling well.” UMMMM yeah I am not feeling well. It is 11:30pm I have been up since 6am, I am three mo pregnant and have spent all day feeling sick to my stomach in a bridesmaid dress that was a smidge too small, so yeah not coming in when all I want/can do is sleep! AND thats what thank you cards are for!
- I know you have a pool. So do I. I understand yours is a private pool and mine is a neighborhood pool but when I am taking my 2yr old neice to the pool and my sister (niece’s mom) says I must take her to the pool with a lifeguard then I’m doing it! Even after I told you that the mom gets final say, trying to change my mind by telling me your pool is only chest deep is hello safety still an issue and not ok to go against the child’s mom!
- and finally stop pushing me to change my name. Offering to take me to the social secruity office is not going to help. You have already made it known that you do not approve of me not changing it right away, even going as far as complaining to DH and other family members that I married you I should be respectful enough to change my name.
If you made it through all that then you are too nice! Bees if you have any suggestions on what I can do to cope with this lady would be extremely helpful. I have tried being nice, treating her like my mom, and being totally blunt nothing seems to work and I am tired of her being overbearing and manipulative.
Post # 3
Hey! Sorry – that totally sucks! I don’t really have any suggestions other than to try and have your husband deal with his mom as much as possible. Hang in there!
Post # 4
Hugs! She sounds like a very unhappy person. I would continue to be polite, but boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! Like about the home decor: “i like how you have decorated your home in a way that reflects you. That has inspired FH and I to decorate our home in a way that reflects us.” end of conversation. Or when she’s pushing you to come in, “Gosh, I would love to see your friends, but with this morning sickness happening all the time, I would hate to embarass you by vomiting on such nice people.”
Post # 5
@guitargirl: actually laughed out loud at the “vomiting on such nice people” comment! I needed that laugh 🙂
Post # 6
Ugh, so sorry!! I agree with guitargirl – boundaries! Hopefully, once she realizes that she isn’t able to pressure/bully you into doing what she wants you to do, she’ll stop trying (or at least decrease the craziness). Keep sticking to your guns and have hubby talk to her if necessary.
Post # 7
@guitargirl: haha I love the “vomiting on nice people” line! This post sounds like it could be my FMIL (except for the cross thing….yikes)
Post # 8
If you’ve tried all that, then I would say just limit your exposure. Avoid her so you have to deal with her less? Is moving to another country an option?? LOL
Post # 9
This is rough though, has DH discussed any boundaries with her? I am sure that you have thought about it already but if she doesn’t respect you now, she isn’t going to respect your authority when you have children. This needs to be fixed now before your child is born and she steps over boundary lines then.
Post # 10
I just grabbed the book “Toxic In-Laws” from the library yesterday, and the author describes this kind of mother-in-law exactly in it. I’m not all the way through, so I don’t know how super practical her advice is, but this book is a classic.
See if you can grab it from the library. I have a good feeling about it helping me with my MIL.
Post # 11
@coconutmellie: that is a good plan. I have been meaning to go to the library anyway. thanks!
Post # 12
She seems like such a sweetheart that MIL of yours!!!!
Post # 13
Limit what you tell her, that way she can’t really give input on things she doesn’t know is going on. How did she know your neice was coming over?
When she brings up the name thing, you could either tell her that this is not up for discussion. Or you could completely change the subject. “STL, it’s really time for you to change your last name. How about I take you to the SS office?” “Grown Ups was such a hilarious movie!! Have you had the chance to see it? If not you should. I just love Adam Sandler.”
But seriously, your DH needs to set up some boundaries. And yes, Toxic In Laws is a wonderful book.
Post # 14
Ugh, she sounds like a trainwreck. Your husband needs to work on some boundaries with her–she needs to know, right then and there, that XY and Z are NOT acceptable. Keep drilling her with it. It’ll get worse when you have that baby!
Or, you could just talk down to her a little bit. When she says it’s time to change your name or put something up on the wall, tell her, “how many times are we going to discuss this? Or have you forgotteN?” lol. I would just talk to her like, “really?…..” when she brought up things multiple times. Maybe she’ll stop. I know I stop talking to people when they indirectly treat me like i’m an idiot =-]
Post # 15
Hey, a sword is perfectly acceptable home decor! (we have three, all historic replicas that hubby collects) But UGH!!!! I don’t even know where to start except to say that I’m so sorry you have to deal with this AND being pregnant! Boundaries are a good place to start, but failing that, form a MIL SWAT team to keep her away from you!
Post # 16
Awww, I’m sorry. But I did get a kick out of some of the things… like the crucifix and the sword! Sucks though, hopefully she’ll tone it down over time.