(Closed) MIL wanting to be referred to as "Ma" by grandchildren?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
  • poll: MIL wanting to be referred to as "Ma" by grandchildren?
    Weird. : (130 votes)
    35 %
    I'd be ok with it. : (35 votes)
    9 %
    I would not be ok with it. : (157 votes)
    42 %
    Whatever she wants, it doesn't really matter. : (52 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 77
    Member
    708 posts
    Busy bee

    My mother referred to her mom as Ma [Maiden Name], differentiating from my paternal grandmother with the family name. It always made sense to me that Ma meant mom’s mama, not my mama.

    Post # 78
    Member
    3370 posts
    Sugar bee

    @nickels:  Ma seems a little weird to me. My grandma’s sister, everybody including kids and grandkids called her Big Mama. And she was exactly what you’d expect. The matriarch of the family. I have been told that she’s the one who convinced my grandmother to buy the most hideous “davenport” in the history of seating options (seriously, it had gigantic pumpkin orange flowers with olive colored leaves all over it). But, what Big Mama wanted she always got…  

    Anyway, how about Nana? I will tell you one thing about overbearing MILs, they tend to do what they want with little regard for how you (being the mother of the child) feel about it.

    Post # 79
    Member
    4335 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It doesn’t seem strange to me. I think it’s very convenient when different grandparents want to be called different things so kids aren’t confused. I NEVER called my mom “ma,” so it doesn’t sound like a “mother” name to me. (We used mom). This could be a shot in the dark, but does she happen to be southern? I know a family who is from the south (I think) and the kids call the grandma ma.

    Post # 80
    Member
    4495 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @nickels:  

    Personally I don’t think its a big deal. I don’t call my own mother ‘ma’ and never have so I would not associate the name as taking the place of the child’s real mother. My mom already said she refuses to be called grandma and wants to be called Nana. Ok, whatever.

    You are the baby’s mother. No matter what name they call their grandmother there will be no confusion or mistakening who his/her mom is. A name is just a name. If it really bothers you though then I definitely think you have the right to protest it.

    Post # 81
    Member
    4495 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

     “MA!!!! The meatloaf!!!”

    @MySunshine:  LOL!

    Post # 82
    Member
    5423 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2012

    No way would this be ok. 

    Post # 83
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @nickels:  I think it’s weird but I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you because it’s going to be awhile before your daughter calls her anything anyway. In between now and then you can just call your Mother-In-Law “grandma” every single time you talk about her (or to her in front of your daughter) and I’m sure your daughter will just follow suit. My parents never told me what to call my grandparents. I just called them grandma and grandpa because that’s how my mom referred to them. 

     

    Post # 84
    Member
    1417 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    That is weird!  I wouldn’t like it.

    Post # 85
    Member
    3929 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

    I would find that very strange, and I dont think we would do that if it was our family. My Fiance calls my mom “Ma” so he’s not calling her by her first name, but also not using the same name he calls his own mom. I would just call her g-ma if she requested to be called Ma. I dont think it has to be a big discussion, but if you husband is comfortable bringing it up to her he could just say that he feels its too close to Mom or mama, AND its what HE calls his mom, so he’d rather it be slightly different.

    Post # 86
    Member
    5272 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I would say no way. Weird.

    Post # 87
    Member
    3460 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    It’s easy enough to reinforce whatever name you want for your Mother-In-Law by talking about her as “Grandma” (or whatever name) to the kid anytime she is mentioned. 

    I’d just tell her that just as she wanted her kids to call her ma or variants thereof, that you want your kids to call you ma or variants thereof, particularly as you hope the first word they say is “ma.”  Then ask her what other name she would like to go by.

    Post # 88
    Member
    4522 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I could be WAY overthinking this, but I kind of feel like this is a test or a setup. For her to essentially “this is what my own kids call me, and now I want YOUR kid to call me it” seems pretty obvious.

    I wouldnt talk to her about it, I would just pick a normal nickname and call her it. Your child will spend most of it’s time around you, and whatever name you use is the one they are likely to adopt; if they dont make up one of their own entirely.

    Post # 89
    Member
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @red_pepper_gal:  My sister and I both call our mother ma in real life.  It’s really not that unusual, as it’s a shortened version of mama.  It’s why the term “grandma” exists, to distinguish from regular ma.  Ma = mother, just like grandma = grandmother.

    @pasquel:  I’m really glad someone brought up her weird reason.  That’s the worst part about this whole thing to me.  Sorry, but your grandkids don’t call you the same thing your kids did.  Like, if your kids called you Mommy, would you expect your grandkids to do the same?  Just for continuity?  Way, way weird.

    Post # 90
    Member
    1351 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Negative. You are the ma. 

    Post # 91
    Hostess
    3571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Oh hell no. I would not be ok with this at all. I call my mom “Ma” sometimes. Also, yes, her children started calling her “Ma” because they’re her children. If it were Darling Husband and I, Darling Husband would definitely step in with his family and say that “Ma” for Grandma is just not happening, period. She can have Grandma, Mimi, Gram, Grammy, and another other variation of grandma she wants. Mom, momma/mumma, mommy, ma and any other variation are for the mom!

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