(Closed) MIL wanting to be referred to as "Ma" by grandchildren?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
  • poll: MIL wanting to be referred to as "Ma" by grandchildren?
    Weird. : (130 votes)
    35 %
    I'd be ok with it. : (35 votes)
    9 %
    I would not be ok with it. : (157 votes)
    42 %
    Whatever she wants, it doesn't really matter. : (52 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 92
    Member
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    I don’t get it… why is it weird? It’s a bit old fashioned, sure… like something my grandmother would have called her grandmother, but some people are funny like that.

    My mother’s mother was always called “Ma”. Short for “Grandma”. She was an old lady, and she liked the tradition.

    Post # 93
    Member
    8482 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I think its weird that she acknowledges the fact that her own kids called her that, yet she still wants her grandkids to call her that. 

    So no, I would not be okay with that. Not at all.

    Post # 94
    Member
    8482 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @Rachel631:  I think the weird part is that her own kids called her “ma,” but she also wants the grandkids to call her that also. To me thats the same thing as “my kids called me mama, so should my grandkids.”

    Post # 95
    Member
    2600 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I would not be okay with it. She already got to be “Ma” and her children are grown now. This is your time to be Ma (or Mom or Mommy or anything that has that “M” sound). 

    But that’s me. 

    All that really matters is if YOU are okay with it. If you are, then fine. If you’re not, then you need to tell her or have your husband talk to her. It might be gentler (if a bit sneaky!) if your Darling Husband said something along the lines of, “You know, Ma, that name is really special to me because that’s the name of MY mom. I’d really love for you to have a different name for my child to call you.” 

    There are name lists for grandma in other languages online if she doesn’t like “grandma” or its English equivalents, or you could suggest to her to wait and see what the kid him/herself comes up with. My siblings and I called one of our grandmother’s “La-la.” It just happened organically. 

    Post # 96
    Member
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    @allyfally:  Wait… I must have missed that part. Because to me then “Ma” is not your mother. “Ma” is either your grandmother, or else it is an honorific title given to an elderly lady who is not your grandmother, but whom you are close to.

    Your mother is Mum or Mummy, etc etc… but your “Ma” is your Grandma!

    Post # 97
    Member
    1992 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    @nickels:  I voted “wierd”.  But I don’t think I’d stop her.  I find that kids normally just call their grandparents whatever they want anyway.  When I was a kid everyone tried to make me call my maternal grandmother “grandma”, but I decided that I wanted to call her “Ma-Mu” instead.  I actually called her that all through my childhood.  They tried to make me call my paternal grandmother “mawmaw”.  I decided that I wanted to call her “mawmaw lastname” instead.  No matter how they insisted I was determined to add the lastname, every single time I spoke to her or of her.  

    Post # 98
    Member
    258 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015 - Country Club

    It is definitely not your hormones, I had and still at times have this little issue with Mother-In-Law. She wanted to be called “mom”, I felt so bothered everytime I heard my child calling someone else mommy. I constantly explained my disagreement to her based on the fact she wanted to act like the actual mother of my children because apparently “she knows it all” when it comes to to raising them.

     

    Either way, I’d say hell no, her title is Grandma and she slowly but surely has to come to terms with that. Besides isnt it wonderful only a few people get to call you and only you mommy or wife? I may be overreacting,  but thats just based on my experience.

     

    Post # 99
    Member
    4605 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Kids will usually pick what they call their grandparents. My mom’s parents are manmama and grandaddy and my dad’s mom is mawmaw. My neice calls my mom nonnon (like bonbon, just with an ‘n’) and she calls my stepdad pawpaw. Your child will be around you most of the time, so if you call Mother-In-Law grandma or nana, they will probably go with that. 

     

     

     

    Post # 100
    Member
    8482 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @Rachel631:  Well, you’re also from the UK. I’m not sure where the OP is from, but where I live, Ma is definitely not the grandma.

    Post # 101
    Member
    1782 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    No way – I would make up a weird nickname for her for just suggesting that. All of a sudden when baby is 1 year + old he/she would show up to Grandma’s and say “Gremlin” just to be funny! No “Ma” – that is only for you!

    Post # 102
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2015 - The Lodge at Mackenzie Place

    @nickels:  My grandma on my dad’s side is referred to as “Ma” by all her grandchildren (of which she has MANY! LOL).  Actually, when my granddad on that side was alive, was always called “Da.”  Ma and Da were called that by grandkids and their own kids…I would NEVER have confused them as “mom, mommy, ma-ma…daddy, dad, da-da etc”  I think you should honor and respect your in-laws wishes if that is what they want to be called, this isn’t really a choice you can make for them.  Your kids will probably make something up for everyone on their own at the end of the day!  

    As a background, Ma is from the South and Da is from New England, both lived on the West Coast since the 60’s.

    Post # 103
    Member
    2113 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Ma or mama was my niece’s first word. I would never want them to confuse who’s who by having the grandma with the same name. Shes recently started addressing my dad as Gapa. We called our grandparents Grandma and grandpa firstnames except my dads dad. He was Wello Achi. Wello was short for Abuelo and he used to say, in Spanish, that we were as loud as a mariachi…or something about a mariachi…but he said it often enough for us to end up calling him Achi. Fiance calls his grandparents nana and papa. His great-grandmother just goes by her first name. I never knew mine, but my grandmother wants to be called GG-ma by my niece.

    Post # 104
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Dixon Brewer Park

    This is my Mother-In-Law. we just got married and she let me know she will be called ma..We’re not TTC.. she got a coffee cup on it that say Ma… no ma’am Pam.  Not happening. 

    Post # 105
    Member
    1138 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    That’s super weird–she admits it’s what HER KIDS called her — i.e. a name for a MOTHER. Grandkids generally don’t call their grandparents the same thing as they were called by their own kids. Maybe something like “mammy” or “grammy” would work? 

    Post # 106
    Member
    3460 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @whatsherface04:  I think you should honor and respect your in-laws wishes if that is what they want to be called, this isn’t really a choice you can make for them. 

    What about Mother-In-Law respecting her wishes to be the only ma (or variant thereof)?  I think this boils down to the fact that regardless of whether a few folks here have called there grandmother “ma,” most don’t and instead associate ma with mama/mom/mother, and that includes the OP, so this request is disrespectful to the OP, the parent.  OP can respect MIL’s wishes when Mother-In-Law chooses a name that is not already “taken” – whether that’s a variant of grandmother, or a name that Mother-In-Law picks out of a hat so Mother-In-Law doesn’t associate it with being “old.”

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