(Closed) MIL wants me to address "her guests"

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
3239 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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jmtwxoxo: It’s confusing on who is invited because you only invited Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. So can they bring another couple they’re friends with? Because you gave them 4 spots and 2 of them are for uninvited guests. 

Post # 17
9819 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If minor children are invited you should add “and family” or specify them by name.

Post # 18
553 posts
Busy bee

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jmtwxoxo:  I would say that you are correct and she is wrong but it might be worth letting her do it if she wants.  It might keep her busy and from otherwise being more of a pain to you, lol.  It doesn’t matter much unless on the RSVPs there is something unclear about who actually is attending, I mean it doesn’t really reflect badly on you, more like her, in the end. 

Post # 19
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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carolinabelle:  Agreed.  When we talk about being frustrated on the bee that people are trying to bring people who aren’t invited, or people are confused about how many they can bring, the response is always that the people who are written on the envelope (outer and/or inner) are the only people who are invited.  

If the kids are invited, I agree that you need to write their names or “and family” somewhere.  I would be really confused to get an invitation addressed to only me and my husband, but with four seats reserved. (I don’t have kids or a husband yet, but I’m just hypothesizing). 

I’ve never heard that kids shouldn’t be addressed on an envelope (unless you’re using an inner envelope too – in that case, they aren’t addressed on the outer, but they are addressed on the inner).

Post # 20
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I sort of agree with the “and family” I think that it actually makes it nice and clear and easy about who is invited….

Post # 22
6931 posts
Busy Beekeeper

How on earth will she ever know if you addressed them per her specifications?  Just do what you want to do and be done with it.

Post # 23
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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jmtwxoxo:  The envelope should be addressec to everyone invited to the wedding. You have the option of putting each individual name on the envelope or “Mr. & Mrs. Jones and family” or even “The Jones Family”. It is not correct, however, to put  only “Mr. & Mrs. Jones” if more than the two of them are invited. So she’s more right on that point than you are. 

As for the 18 year old thing… most people say people over 18 get their own invitation. In my family I always was invited on my parents’ invitation until I moved out, which was at 21. So strictly- you are correct and your Future Mother-In-Law is wrong on that instance, though I totally understand her not knowning that since the way she wanted it is the way I’ve seen it done. 

All that said- like PP said- she’s not going to see the envelopes so who cares what she wants?

Post # 24
4723 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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jmtwxoxo:  I think you’re fine with “and family” if you are using a single envelope. She may have been thinking of more formal, two-envelope invites.


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