(Closed) MIL wants SIL as bridesmaid…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am going through this same situation … Honestly, its you and your husbands day and it should be what you guys want. Don’t let them and the drama get to you and take the fun out of this! My advice is to squash it quickly before it escalades. If you have her in your party, she will most likely not make things very fun.. trust me! Its your wedding, just remember that! 

Post # 4
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would (very nicely) tell her pretty much what you wrote here  as youre reasoning:  that your husband and you both agreed on your wedding party, that you and SIL aren’t that close (and the women standing on your side represent your relationship with them as does his men with him), that your other SIL is not party of the bridal part and you would feel bad about it, and that you are on a tight budget which adding more to the bridal party adds more cost to you guys.

In the end I would follow exactly what YOU and your husband want to do, but just be as empathetic and kind about it as possible to avoid additional tension/hurt feelings. 

Post # 5
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you should be honest, but to a point – you don’t want to criticize her daughter’s reaction to your marriage because I imagine the Mother-In-Law would just become protective/defensive. Instead, be honest about wanting to keep your wedding party small due to preference AND budget restraints. Let her know you would feel the need to also include your other SIL if you included one, so based on all of these options, you made the decision you made. Say you’re sorry if her feelings have been hurt, as that was not your intention, but you’ve made the decision you have based on what is best for you and your Fiance. Then leave it at that. If she comes back with any sort of argument, even if it is an offer for financial assistance, politely turn her down and say you’re firm in your decision.

In-law relationships can be SO challenging, but I think it is important to stand your ground early on or they’ll think they can boss you around in the future!

Post # 7
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Well, I think they should be happy. If they’re offended, that’s not for you to worry about! You can’t please everyone all of the time!

Post # 8
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You need to change your mindset about this.  You aren’t causing drama.  Your Future Mother-In-Law is.  People like this go out of their way looking for things to be offended about.

Stop talking to her.  Have your Fiance step in and explain to his mother that this type of input is unwanted, and will not be tolerated by either of you.

Post # 9
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Your hubby is on your side about it, end of story. Future Mother-In-Law will get over it.

Post # 10
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly it’s not your MIL’s decision as to who you pick to be in your bridal party. Stand your ground. She’s not getting married, you are. I see a lot of posts that involve FMIL’s taking over the wedding or making suggestions that aren’t there’s to make. Just don’t be a pushover and do what YOU want. :]

Post # 11
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MattandKristin:  Its about you and your husband and who you want standing up with you! dont let anybody sway you into what you do not want 🙂

Post # 12
Member
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Your wedding, your decision.

Post # 13
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Honestly I wouldn’t even respond. Saying you pickedy our people and its was up to your Fi if he wanted her the wedding as it’s his sister. Let them deal with his mother. I find this ridiculous as most people won’t notice or care who in the wedding party. I have four brothers can you imagine if all them were in the wedding party in addition to Fi`s brother and friends.

Post # 15
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I went through something similar. No drama about it but we decided to include the brother and sister in laws in our party.  My coworker was the one who convinced me.  He said that those are the only people he still keeps in contact with for his wedding party.  Now, hopefully that’s not our case but it made me realize these people are my family now.  Thirty years from now I know I’ll be glad I did and not regret the extra hassle of having a larger bridal party. 

Do what’s right for you.  It sounds like your experience is very different.  My sister in laws are really kind, I just don’t know them well.  

Post # 16
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@MrsTahoe:  Agreed, tell the Mother-In-Law it’s a numbers issue. If you criticise your SIL or say that she’s not been very nice, the Mother-In-Law may get offended.

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