Post # 1
Hello Bees 🙂
Is it normal to have your parents give you guests to add to your list? I just had lunch with my Fiance and his mom this past weekend and we’re both a little concerned because it seemed as if she might have her own list to add to ours.. something we have not been planning or anticipating at all!
My Fiance and I are on a tight budget (he has a lot of debt), but are fortunate enough to have my parents pitch in for our wedding. For the last few months we have been planning and finally picked a date and venue and set a guest list of 90. My side of the list is only family.. I left out all my friends since we don’t seem to have enough money for everyone.
So I’m not sure what to do now? Should I expect her to invite people? I told my Fiance that maybe he should talk to her and preface by explaining that I’m not even inviting my friends because of the budget, but we’re both afraid of offending her.
Any comments, suggestions, or anything appreciated!!
Post # 3
I think your proposed solution is great. Just tell her unfortunately the guest list is set.
Post # 4
If she was the one paying, personally I’d say you should let her add, but a lot of people feel that it is YOUR wedding so you have the final say…I understand that too. Regardless, you aren’t even having friends? Girl stand your ground! Say no politely and hopefully she’ll be understanding once she knows the reason!
Post # 5
Explain finances, and then suggest (without suggesting) that if she wants to add guests, she’ll have to pay for them.
Post # 6
If she wants guests, she has to pay all related costs for the extra people.
Post # 7
Does your venue hold more than 90 people? Does your Fiance have a big family? Does your Future Mother-In-Law know these family members? For me, personally, it wasn’t so much about the budget – but we wanted to know everyone that will be at the wedding.
I think you have the right approach though – have your Fiance talk it over with her and explain your reasons behind the 90-person guest list.
I’ve had so many issues with Future Mother-In-Law about guest list since there is not much family on her side. My only advice would be to get your thoughts out there as early as possible and work with your Fiance to try and iron out the details.
Post # 8
I do think it’s common for parents to provide guest lists to the couple marrying, and in many situations (as seems to be the case here, at least on your MIL’s part) it is assumed that they will provide names. It’s possible that her list is going to mirror the family that your Fiance put on his side of the list…but as others have said, step one is to have him talk to her about your numbers.
Post # 9
My parents wanted to invite a whole bunch of people and I politely had to tell them that they had to narrow there list down to a few guests only. They at first did not like this but I had to remind them that this is my wedding and not theres (in a nice way of course)
Post # 10
Thank you! Thank you! All your responses really made my day!
It all worked out.. I talked to my parents about it, and they want to cover whatever guests she wants to add and allow her to invite whoever she wants.. I can’t believe how generous my parents are.. I really wouldn’t even have a wedding without their help! (I’m unemployed and my Fiance has debt) Thank God for my parents! And thank you Bees for all your wonderful advice!!