Post # 16
No way! It sounds like she will take advantage, as you said by bringing along her sister. Your hubby needs to put you first seeing as he is making the commitment to your. Fortunately, I have a good relationship with my Future In-Laws but I still would not live with them for more than 2 weeks as people will just start to get on your nerves.
Post # 17
You have to put your daughter first and so I would tell the fiance that this isn’t even an option.
Post # 18
Hell no. I have a kid from a previous relationship and my fiancé’s parents are nothing but supportive and embrace my kid as their own. Even his mormon aunts and uncles, as well as my fiancé’s grandparents adore my son like he is their own blood. They all tell my son to call them “auntie” , “uncle” “grandpa”, “grandma” , “GG (great grandma)” , etc. It is so important that your kid be welcomed and loved with open arms by the family. That was the biggest “yes” for marrying the man I am with.
I would LOVE to have a parent live with us for a while as we expand the family (by 1 naturally, adopting later after) in the future, but under the circumstances you listed I think it’s best you understand and accept where you all stand and leave it at that. Stand your ground. Let him know that your kid comes first and that’s that. You will be stronger because of this! Remember, there is a way to be happy while putting your kid first.
Post # 19
- Wedding: South Lodge. 2nd of Dec 2017
menopaws3: why won’t the house be in both your names, another thing I would insist on bee.
Post # 20
She would bring along a lack of respect for you and lots of drama. I wouldn’t want her to live with you either.
Post # 21
My credit isnt good. His credit is very high. So for it to feel like ours he suggested adding me on the deed but not be in the mortgage.
Post # 22
menopaws3: nope nope and NO
she sounds awful. This will kill your relationship and be harmful to your child
Post # 23
short answer: no.
long answer: fuck no.
explanation: because she treats you like crap and will make your life a living hell. She’s not going to accept you more as she gets to know you and if you give her time. My paternal grandma hated my mom, because she wanted my dad to marry someone from his mother country, but instead he came to the States to study and met my mom and married her. My grandma didn’t think my mom was worthy of her son. My dad dragged my whole family to live with my grandma in his mother country later on in their marriage. It was miserable. My grandma was terrible to my mom and was even mean to us, her grandkids, even though we were the children of her own son, because she disliked my mom so much. My mom got very depressed and suicidal. She couldn’t take it anymore, so she left with my two brothers to come back to the States. My family was separated for two years. All of us are very traumatized by the years that we lived with my grandma. Please do not put yourself and definitely not your daughter through that!
Post # 24
- Wedding: South Lodge. 2nd of Dec 2017
menopaws3: oh ok, ps still hell no to the Mother-In-Law
Post # 25
Don’t consider it seriously unless she is in a coma.
Post # 26
I think that had you posed your thread as a poll question, we’d see another, “oh, my, the whole hive agrees!” anomaly.
I would not agree to share a multi-generational home as you’ve described. Here’s hoping that your Fiance agrees with your wisdom and doesn’t dig in, causing a breakup.
Best wishes, Bee.
Post # 27
menopaws3: “Oh, it’s important to you that your mother live with you? Pity we wasted all this time then, if only we’d discussed this sooner. I’ll of course be moving out. Best of luck.”
Seriously, this is a conversation for like the 12th date, I’m so sorry you’re stuck having it now when you’re so emotionally invested.
Post # 29
I would “nope” the hell out of there if your fiancé insists you can learn to get along. YOU are his priority if you get married. Just bc he’s a good son doesn’t mean he should be a shit husband.
Post # 30
- Wedding: April 29th, 2016
menopaws3: This sounds like a tough situation for your Fiance because it is his mother, after all. Unfortunately, the dynamic between her and you and your daughter sounds too strained for me to want to bother if I were in your shoes. It’s one thing if she at least tried to get along with you and helped out with your daughter, but she sounds more annoyed that you don’t care for her on your own even though Fiance is there to help you and be a father figure. I wouldn’t like that at all, and I wouldn’t want that negative energy in my home. I hope your Fiance will see your side and that you two can come to an agreement on this. Best of luck!