MIL wants to live with us.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
26 posts
Newbee

menopaws3: If she wants to live in a house…she can rent one. Why is it the responsibility of her son and his FI? I have an AMAZING relationship with my in-laws (I think of them like my own parents) but even I wouldn’t want to live with them. I wouldn’t even want to live with my own mum.
As for the gardening, buy her a vertical garden you can keep in her apartment.

Oh, and I’d learn a bit of her language. I wouldn’t tell her I could understand some of what she’s saying, smile cluelessly and then BAM, when she crosses a line, let her know you understood exactly what she said.

Post # 47
Member
8172 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Everything they all said,  Absolutely NO WAY. Please come  back and update us  with  a ” well we talked it out  and he agrees ” post won’t you ?

He reasons for wanting to live with you  ( house  vs apartment  etc)  are  nonsense. She wants to live with and continue to dominate her son , and  to add to her enjoyment  by being  hellish to his wife and worse  to his stepdaughter . Fuck she even extends it to your father .

A pp said think of  when you and  fi have children .  She will –  especially if a boy  – grossly and obviously favour that child  whilst , of course  expecting  to tell you exactly  how to raise it . All the time. This will be  bad  enough if she is in her own place , it wil be utter misery if you let  her live with you .   

It is,  as they say,  a deal breaker OP,  and your fi needs to know  that. NOW . Stay strong.  

Post # 48
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

menopaws3:  tell her she is free to mow the lawn and pull out the weeds in your garden anytime but must go back to her apartment and live there. 

Honestly this sounds like a big issue that can really cause a lot of stress on a marriage. The problem stems not from her asking to move in but because your  fiancé is entertaining the idea knowing how you feel on the issue. He needs to have your back and that of your daughter’s. He is the one who needs to be firm and stand up for you when she us rude it mean to you.

You guys need to be on the same page in dealing with his mother. I wouldn’t get married until you both have worked this out.

I’m only saying this because I have seen how my mother has had to deal with a Mother-In-Law like yours and a husband who is loyal to his mother to a fault. My parents have a good marriage but my mother has had to suck up a lot of shit….my mother is naturally very selfless and a peace keeper by nature so she weathered stuff that most people would start a war over. My grandmother is also very smart as to when and where she throws her poison darts. My dad is a good man and is oblivious to lots and I also think she did a good job in conditioning a response from him. 

I hope things get better for you and you and fiancé end up on the same page with this .good luck Bee xx 

Post # 49
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

No way…even without the issues. I’m not down for being a newlywed and sharing the house with my Mother-In-Law. NOPE NOPE NOPE 

 

Post # 50
Member
1653 posts
Bumble bee

As soon as I read the title I said Ohhhhh hells no, and after reading the story I said “you got to be kidding me”. This is surely a recipe for disaster. Please do not , For one minute , give this one inkling of thought. 

it will kill your relationship. Any parent that wants to live with newlyweds is invading their child’s life privacy and the idea is NUTS.

Post # 51
Member
1366 posts
Bumble bee

I would say no as well in the current situation. However, you may want to have a discussion pre marriage what you are going to do down the road when her health starts to fail and she cannot live independently. Many children, myself included would want to take in elderly parents in that instance. You might want to find out what your FI’s expectations are on that now before you get to that point.

Post # 52
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2002

Nio no no no!

She’s behaving like a jelous step child. 

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Post # 53
Member
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hell no. Hell no. HELL NO.

Post # 55
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

menopaws3:  I personally don’t agree with living with in laws or parents. My parents did it for nine years and they said it really strained their relationship. Especially with parenting me, they could never teach me the way they wanted too. It was always how my grandmother thought was best. You said she doesn’t like you, or approve so I would tell your Fiance you don’t feel comfortable with it and let him see what he says.

Post # 56
Member
5972 posts
Bee Keeper

*Maybe* I would be okay with it if this were a warm and loving woman who embraced me and my daughter as family…..but this woman begrudges your Fiance getting your little girl a freaking glass of water, wtf? 

Deeply concerning that your Fiance would even consider allowing someone who treats you and your daughter disrespectfully to live with you. This is not a nice woman who just needs to get to know you better, the way she acts is downright rude, mean & pettily begrudging. 

I think you have to be incredibly firm on this and spell it out crystal clear- that you will not be disrespected in your own home nor will you allow your daughter to be treated like a second class citizen and that he is not to cave to pressure to move in his mom or his aunt into what will be your mutual home. I would go one step further and tell him that he knows now that this is an absolute dealbreaker, even after marriage, and that you will simply not live with him if they do. (Call me paranoid but he wouldn’t be the first person to change the rules after the ink’s dry on your marriage license, don’t budge an inch on this one)

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