- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I am having troubles with my Mother-In-Law trying to push my Fiance and I to do things in her way or more so time schedule and trying to harass our budget (even though she is not contributing to it). She harrasses us on when we should send out invites, notifying guests, how much we are spending on the photographer, cost of food, cost of invites…etc.
This behaviour started in 2010 when Fi and I first decided to get married (well got engaged in 2010 but were considering getting married via. a small ceremony in 2011). His Mother-In-Law was all over our engagment and had basically planned out how we would get married from where, when and how all festitivites would go down for the evening. She wanted us to get married on their property, use flowers from their property, have small finger foods and then we leave our guests at 4pm and go to our hotel and our guests could go where ever they wanted – i guess. I wasn’t too akin to her idea since it was very cheap for them but costly for my family and non-family/friend orientated, i.e., commuting to FI’s family’s island, my family paying $$$ for hotels, $$$ flying across the country… all for being ditched by 4pm. I decided against and said Fiance and I would wait till it was more convient for us budget wise and time wise.
The strange strange irony in this is… my FI’s sister and her Boyfriend or Best Friend of three years all sudden got engaged after us and were married in less than 3 mths, but they had the EXACT wedding the Mother-In-Law had planned for Fiance and I. So I kinda knew Mother-In-Law was behind SIL’s wedding. SIL is very passive & tomboy-ish and not really one for all the hype and glitter with weddings, which is fine…so I knew the Mother-In-Law pushed her into getting married cause all the details were the exact same as Mother-In-Law had planned for us (even down to date when they were getting married).
Fast forward to present day….
We finally announced were had set a date and were planning on getting married in 2013. Well Mother-In-Law has been an absolute nightmare to deal with. She constantly sends me emails or calls Fiance and bothers about our wedding.
She started trying to push me to mail out the invites according to her schedule, which I politely told her I would send them out as soon as I could. My mother is ill with breast cancer (both breasts) and just had a double mastectomy and I am trying to graduate from university and run a small business. My Mother-In-Law knows these things but still pesters about why we haven’t done X, Y and Z. I really want to hold off on our wedding till 2014 but my Fiance wants us to get married ASAP, which intensifies everything…plus I have this nagging feeling of, “What if I don’t get married in 2013 and my mother passes away – she’ll miss me getting married”. My father died almost a decade ago to cancer so to have another close member absence would be hard….anyway.
I finally stopped replying and doing whatever Mother-In-Law tried to push me into into doing. So now she’s been calling Fiance nonstop to pester him about our wedding from why we haven’t sent out invites to constantly ‘forgetting’ when our wedding is and where it is. Then she’ll say, “How much is your photographer? I know they are not cheap.” or asking how much our invites cost. It’s frustrating cause SIL’s wedding that Mother-In-Law planned was extremely cheap (they are all like that – cheap..not budget-wise, but cheap) as in no invites but a FaceBook group invite, no wedding cake, no chairs for the ceremony, DIY outhouses which were basically plywood and holes in the ground off in the bushes, camping after the ceremony, no power or running water, no bridesmaid dresses or even having the girls wear something similar… it was horrible. I mean I KNOW everyone is different and some may read this and think that that doesn’t sound so bad and I am being judgmental. It’s just I am tired of Mother-In-Law trying to pry and push our wedding when she totally didn’t do invites for SIL’s cause it was too much money, didn’t do a photographer cause it was too much money, nor cake, nor rent port-a-potties, nor have music, or real food! Even SIL’s husband’s family was pissed off cause they gave money towards the wedding for groomsmen to have nice matching tuxs, two big kegs of beer and some hard liqour and a nice gazebo thing they had shipped to the island and built for the ceremony to occur under. The husband’s family didn’t talk nor even go near SIL/FI’s family. I think there was more to the story of them giving money and SIL & husband just pocketing it. Anyway.
I know I cannot control a grown woman, but I am tired of her constantly pushing me and Fiance and going around to family members making me/FI to be bad people all cause we are not doing what she wants. She is an absolute nightmare. I am tempted to cancel the wedding if she calls again to harass about the wedding. I am stressed to the max and her constantly calling makes me feel so much more stressed that I cannot concentrate.
Another time, she got ahold of some info (nothing wedding related but equally important) regarding my FI’s deployment and changed who was receiving this info from me to her! So while my Fiance was deployed I never received any newsletters or info meanwhile the military was sending it to her which she sent to all family members BUT me and on top of it all would constantly email me asking if I had heard anything from the military or Fiance. So you can see why I get so anxious with her trying to push for info about our wedding…
How do you deal with Mother-In-Law who is trying to control the show and keep info to the minimum to her without seeming harsh and causing drama?