MIL wants to take my toddler on a road trip

posted 3 months ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
5452 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

seraphina :  Yes, as long as your SO already told her it’s not happening, you do not need to respond to her.

Post # 3
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would tell my husband that if he wants her to go, then he needs to go with her.  I would be livid if my husband signed my daughter up to go on a trip without discussing it with me.  I think the longest we have ever left our daughter with someone who wasn’t one of us is like 5 or 6 hours, and she is almost 3.  I have actually only been away from her one night in my life and that was for my friend’s wedding.  (And we were at a B&B about a block away from my house!)  I am sure there are many people who are fine with this type of thing, but there are also many who are not!

ETA: Husband needs to say you both decided together that she is not going, or else he will be setting you up for drama.

Post # 4
Member
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

That’s very much a “two yes, one no” situation – both of you need to be ok with it in order for her to go, if either one of you says no then it’s a no.  If you normally have a good relationship with your Mother-In-Law, I’d text her back and say “I know SO has already told you that it’s not going to work for us to have her go with you and we won’t be changing our minds on this”,  if you don’t have a good relationship then don’t reply.

Post # 5
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

If he already set it straight with her she shouldn’t even be texting you. Are you sure he did? I would be livid if he said yes without discussing it with me first. I would text her back and said I thought Jim already discussed it with you and we both agreed that we are not comfortable with this idea. There would be no way in hell. 

Post # 6
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

seraphina :  Wow, that’s a big ask from your Mother-In-Law. 

But yeah, your SO F** up big time.  That is a combined parental decision and as a PP said, 1 yes equals no.

I wouldn’t look at the messages (or mark them as read) until you are with your SO, then get him to call his mum in front of you and say, “why are you texting seraphina about the trip?  I already told you we have decided we are not comfortable with the trip”  If she tries to argue, he can just say “end of discussion mum” and hang up.   Make sure it’s in front of you, so you know exactly what he’s saying to her and he isn’t secretly saying “I’m fine with it but Seraphina is being a pain” or something. 

 

Post # 7
Member
11647 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

That would be a hard no from me. But I wouldn’t totally ignore her text either. Don’t engage, just tell her that your husband will call her back to discuss. 

I agree that both parents would have to be on board for something like this or it’s a no go. You don’t need any justification other than you are not comfortable with it.

Your husband should never have thrown you under the bus. I’d be having some serious talks with him about assuming he could make a unilateral parenting decision and presenting a united front to his mother. 

Post # 8
Member
9576 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Absolutley not.

Post # 9
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

It doesn’t sound like he told his mom no, but rather that he told her Seraphina doesn’t want their daughter to go.  This is a husband problem beginning to end.

I suggest replying something like “I’m so sorry you got dragged into a disagreement between Husband and me.  Daughter will not be going on the trip this weekend.”  You could add something about “maybe in another year or two” if that’s true, or suggest a day trip if you’re okay with that.  Or just leave it.  Then deal with your husband.  Impulsively agreeing to the plan without checking with you is one thing, but he needed to make it right once the two of you talked and it doesn’t seem that he has.

Post # 11
Member
1052 posts
Bumble bee

Time to get your FU binder ready. Once they threaten to take away your kid (which is what grandparent rights are) all bets are off. Get the house CPS ready and have food in the fridge, along with her medical stuff neatly organized in the FU binder. Then respond in a text that you will not be swayed by threats and your Dirty Delete most certainly will not be traveling with her anytime soon. seraphina :  

Post # 12
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

I have a 2 year old and there is NO WAY anyone is taking him anywhere but me and Darling Husband.  Is she always this delusional??

Post # 13
Member
1454 posts
Bumble bee

Wtf kinda shit is this? Why do they want to take the child away soooo badly? My radar is going off for you. Absolutely no. Dont. Even. Budge. One. Inch.

Post # 14
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

Seriously, wtf kinda shit is this?!

Absolutely no. 

Post # 15
Member
848 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Threatening to take your child–which is what GPR amount to–is an immediate cut-off, no matter whether your state allows for GPR or not. She threatened to sue for custody of your child. How can you come back from that? And if your boyfriend doesn’t understand the reasoning, how can you come back from that, either? This is legal custody of your baby she threatened to get.

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