MIL wants to take my toddler on a road trip

posted 3 months ago in Babies
Post # 16
376 posts
Helper bee

What is it with some grandparents’ massive sense of entitlement and lack of boundaries these days? I’ve had similar issues with my daughter’s grandparents/our parents and I just don’t get it. Darling Husband and I have talked, and none of our grandparents behaved like our daughter’s grandparents (and your daughter’s grandparents). 

Grandparent rights? WTF. Personally I can’t imagine asking to take someone else’s child on an out-of-state trip without the parents, and that includes my daughter’s future children. And I definitely can’t imagine fighting the parents or threatening legal action if they said “no”. It’s your child, not hers.  

Post # 17
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Dude, if a person threatened legal action over my parenting decision, I would 100% not let them see my child again for a long ass time. 

Are you in a grandparent rights state?

If so, no time with your kid for them because that could possibly set up a precedent that they could take you to court over.

If not, you need to focus on the fact that your boyfriend expects his unilateral decisions about your child to be treated as law, because that’s not how parenting works.

Get thee to DWIL and search the grandparent rights stories.

Post # 18
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I would be the more rational person and text her back this…

(Insert name here), of course I trust you and want you to have a great relationship with dd. This isnt about us. dd isnt old enough for us to be able to explain and understand that she is going on a trip. When she misses us she isnt old enough to be able to call and understand we will see her in a few days. Being away from both her parents for few days will be stressful for her since she isnt old enough to understand what is going on. It’s in her best interest to wait to have trips with grandma when she is ready and can communicate and understand what’s going on. She won’t be going on the roadtrip. For the sake of our relationship I am going to overlook the fact that you threatened me with grandparents rights, esentially taking custody of my child away from me.

You and the bf need to have a talk about co parenting and joint parenting decisions. This is a good learning lesson for him. I also totally don’t trust this woman now. Why does she want to take your baby states away… Not to get dark but I know of a lady whose grandpa did this regularly when she was a kid and would sell her to people. I think it’s important kids can talk and communicate before being left. But I also don’t leave my dogs with anyone so… not a super trusting person.

On a happier not, I also have a friend who’s parents took her daughter on a 3 week vacation when she was under two, but they watched her 8 hours a day while her mom was at work so it wasn’t traumatizing. She saw her grandparents more than her parents and honestly was probably way happier there with them than going to a strange daycare for three weeks.

Post # 19
617 posts
Busy bee

As much as I love a good ghost, I do think that you need to reply to her text with a “no, she’s not going with you.” 

Good luck. Your fmil sounds like a real peach.

Post # 20
5871 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

seraphina :  1- your husband is a dumbass – let’s just get that out of the way. What fool would think a baby not even two is taking road trips away from her mother? and worse, saying yes to the trip without talking to you about it?!

2-10 My in laws have some different perspectives on what’s appropriate for children than I do and I have gotten very comfortable just telling them “That’s not going to happen.” They are respectful about the fact that my boundaries are very different from their own and still adore my son. When he was a baby, I wasted a lot of unecessary time and energy trying to tip toe around them and some of their requests, but once I realized that it was better (and less stressful for me) to just shut things down, directly, it actually made it easier for me to say yes to things with them because when my response was an emphatic “Oh Hell No. Absolutely not.” I said it.

ETA- That grandparent’s rights bullshit . .  I already would have called her and ripped her a new asshole for that one. Any bitch threatening things like that needs to meet mama bear rage directly, imo. That is not something to play with. Especially not about some stupid trip.

Your husband is such an ass for putting you in this situation.

Post # 23
754 posts
Busy bee

Anyone who threatens to get my child legally removed from my custody wouldn’t be seeing Dirty Delete for VERY long time, if ever again. Boyfriend or Best Friend needs to get his head out of mommy’s ass. 

Post # 24
4404 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

seraphina :  yikes… Any normal person (especially someone who has had children) would know how inappropriate it is to take a two year old child on a road trip without their parents there.

I would maybe consider it for an older child but a two year old won’t remember anything of the trip and being away from a parent for 2 days in an unfamiliar environment would most likely cause the child a lot emotional and unnecessary distress. 

You mother in law is obviously crazy with even thinking this request was appropriate but her threats about exercising grandparents rights takes it to a whole new level.

She is off her rocker but your biggest problem is your relationship with your partner. He doesn’t dound like he has your back and puts his relationship with his family above his relationship with you. If my parents started threatening grandparents rights towards my husband, my parent would lose the privilege of seeing their grandkids fast. He hasn’t said anything about that to them from the sounds of things. You need to discuss this and examine your relationship because it sounds like you have big problems here…. 

Post # 25
7280 posts
Busy Beekeeper

seraphina :  so many red flags. If you and the father aren’t married and aren’t on the same page then get thyself to a judge and formalize a custody arrangement ASAP. And definitely never leave your child alone with someone who threatens legal action to take her away from you! That’s a kidnapping waiting to happen. 

Post # 26
9244 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Okay, you need a custody agreement immediately IMO. File for emergency custody or whatever you have to do. You may need a lawyer.

Unfortunately you cannot stop him from taking your child to his parent’s house on his time if you break up. But you can absolutely have it in the custody order that your dd cannot leave the state, and that you get first right of refusal.

DWIL is extreme but if she’s already threatening grandparents right then they may be helpful. This is definitely a cut-off situation in my opinion.

Post # 27
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

Woah.  I didn’t think asking to take her was a big deal but… oh dear.

Post # 28
3203 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

seraphina :  I would be careful of telling him you’re custodial parent and will keep Dirty Delete from him/his family. If he’s on birth certificate and there is no court order I believe it’s kind of like possession is 9/10 of the law, so say he took her to the store and never came back, but went to stay with his mom instead along with Dirty Delete – that would technically be legal until you then go through court to get an order in place. 

But yeah, she would not be seeing my child for a very very long time and I would tell her as much. How DARE she threaten a custody battle with you over a parenting choice. 

Post # 29
11612 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

It’s infuriating that not only has he agreed to this behind your back and has taken his mother’s side, but that you’ve also been threatened by her.  It sounds like this is far from the first of your issues and that you’ve already broken up before for similar reasons. I would consult an attorney about likely outcome of any split in your state.  It concerns me that you assume you would have full custody in that event.

If and when your SO claims his parental rights, and proves paternity, he would likely have the right to some shared custody and or visitation, and owe child support just like any other divorced parent. The age of the child could be taken into account and depending on the outcome you may end up with anything from primary physical custody, with increasing amount of time spent with the father as your child gets older to the opposite if he has been the primary caregiver, and anything in between. Specific circumstances, just as with married couples are taken into account for the best interests of the child. 

Unfortunately, sometimes a break up involving young children means just what you are concerned it means, that the child will spend more time with the other parent doing exactly as he pleases. It’s no longer as easy as just walking away. 

I’d have a quiet consultation with a family law attorney, but I’d also consider couples counseling. Whether you ultimately stay together or not, you need to be on the same page for your child and like it or not he will be a part of your life for many years to come. 

Post # 30
2625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

seraphina :  I don’t think legally you have any more rights to your kid then he does. You’re *both* parents.  If he chooses to leave,  he could take her with him just as you could. Thus I would get to an attorney immediately to find out your rights and how to protect them. I’m glad you own the house yourself.  

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