(Closed) MIL Will Only Get Worse

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

ugh I’d start setting boundaries ASAP.  Touching belly? swat her hand.

Tell her the only way grandbaby is comong over even for a visit is to clean the house.  If she cannot casue I think hoarding is a mental illness tell her she needs therapy.  This is not healthy for anyone, and it will 100% get worse.  The woman needs help.

Post # 5
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@megz06:  First off, sorry you are going through this and NO you are not being a crazy hormonal mama. I would not under any circumstances allow my child into a home where there are health and safety hazards. If she wants to waste her time and money making a nursery in her house I’d say let her but that does not obligate you to send your child over there for over night visits, ever! I too have boundary issues with my Mother-In-Law and she’s made a few comments since my BFP about the baby where I want to respond, “shut up no one asked you.” She said if we find out what the baby is we shouldn’t tell anyone, just keep it to ourselves. I said, “if you want to be surprised when the baby is born then we’ll be sure not to tell you what we are having.” 

I don’t think you need to have the conversation with her that the baby can’t stay the night over there at this point. But if there ever comes a time when you do need an overnight sitter and you plan on using her then she can stay at your house, period, end of story. The idea of my baby staying at my IL house terrifies me too but for very different reasons, its a HUGE house (over 10,000 sq feet) with TONS of stairs and I just see them being too vain to baby proof anything in their house because it wouldn’t look nice. Plus they have a pool & don’t see them ever being agreeable to a pool cover or fence & they’re kinda old for their age. Not super quick or agile. (My sisters IL are in their mid to late 50’s and they still bike, water ski, kayak, etc., where as my Mother-In-Law falls because she has weak ankels and knees & doesn’t do physicial activity & my Father-In-Law has bad hips…) the idea of them being with a toddler who would dash off given the opportunity and them not being quick enough to grab the babe scares me. Every time I have these thoughts I have to remind myself that we just aren’t there yet & not to worry about something that hasn’t happened. Okay but when she does things like buys babys xmas outfit etc, doesn’t it chap your a**, you are this babys mom don’t YOU want to be able to get those things for your child? Just because she’s already purchased such things doesn’t mean you can’t get your own stuff for the babe when the time comes. You can just pop babe in the outfit from grandma for a quick picture, send it to her and then say “we had to change outfits because of a blow out.” ha ha!

H&H 9 months to you!

Post # 6
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@megz06:  It doesn’t seem like she’s doing anything harmful or mean. She’s just excited.  Unfortunately, sometimes we just have to learn to let things go in one ear and out the other and deal with it.  I think it would be wrong to tell her to stop buying things or talking about the baby.  My mom does obnoxious things like that all the time – she bought my sister (an ugly) going home outfit for her baby.  That doesn’t obligate her to use it (and she didn’t).  If you want to buy your own kids xmas outfit, go for it.  If they give you outfits, put your kid in it for a photo, send it to them and change them.  No big deal.

Personally, I wouldn’t start drama over the babysitting thing right now. It’s not important at the moment.  You can let her think whatever she wants, that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. If she asks straight up can the baby come for visits, you can say that is something you both need to discuss and will let her know when you’ve decided.




As for the frequent calling/texting, just don’t answer? You really can’t tell someone they can’t call or text you. 




If you’re uncomfortable with the belly touching, let her know.  But realize it’s not just her that’s going to touch your belly without asking – straight up strangers will try too, guaranteed.




At the end of the day, I’ve learned that parents at this age really just aren’t going to change no matter what you say to them. You do the best you can to deal with them and you make the decisions you need to for your family.




Post # 8
7394 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@MrsWBS:  +1. You can’t control other people, simply your reaction to them. She’s an excited first time grandma. Nothing wrong with that. Now the babysitting in a hoarders home, yeah not gonna happen. But no need to approach the situation now. In the future if/when it comes up (after baby is here) that is when your husband will take the lead and make it known that it’s not happening. She’s gonna get mad… AND… She’ll get over it. No reason to stress about it now


Post # 9
214 posts
Helper bee

@megz06:  My Mother-In-Law has similar boundary issues which bothers me.  She feels the need to see us at least once a month, while I only see my own parents 2-3 per year.  She would buy tons of stuff for DB but Darling Husband has thankfully told her that she is only allowed to buy stuff off the registry and is not allowed to go off registry for gifts until the baby is born.  Maybe saying that is a solution?    

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